OceanBreeze

14th Nov

2010-11-13T19:51:00.001-08:00

just a shoutout..

STAY ON EARTH!!

just because someone expecting something out of you doesn't mean you can attend to it because EVERYONE expect something out of you..people pleaser will end up a poop-er!

I've learnt that long time ago but with serious expectations even if they meant it for you good, you growth, your potential, and you whatever nots, i still prefer to grow at a proper pace..somewhat proper pace, seeing proper doesn't apply to me :S

life..moves on :)

7th Nov

2010-11-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

the past month has been a roller coaster..this shall be an emo post..

i've been thinking what should i do with my life..I'm coming to an age where it's suppose to be a transition time..from a student life into a full fledged adult (somewhat full fledged)..in psychology and many books we learn that it's suppose to be a stage where people start to love and all..

so..it's like i've been hit by a train..train of thoughts that i never had before about life..

i always thought it'll be somewhat easy for this coming transition..get a job and settle down (something a Chinese family drill into us) but now, i'm not so sure anymore..I've watched a few emotional movies where love ends tragically and met a few person who have shaken up my entire being..

a person that i came across is smart, good looking, coming from a ok family, close to parents, from strong faith background. but the things he does now is just appalling. I'm not even sure how, or why did he end up there..so then many people that we impart faith into will somehow end up there? i shudder to think. because i felt, with one misstep, that could've very well be me.

a few movies i watch..regarding love that's just not meant to be..all is just bad..a party gives out, another party doesn't receive, cannot receive, doesnt know how to receive..both end up hurting each other so bad..

one of my favourite/haunting dialogue is stuck in my head.
- if being separated is a part of life, and you know about separation well, is it possible that we can love someone and never be afraid of losing them? is it possible that, we can live our entire life without loving anyone at all..

i don't know..the same loneliness seems to engulf me whole..

everyone seems to expect something out of me..at work, at church, at home, with different people. but i'm so sure that i wouldnt fit the bill of what people expect of me. how should i live, knowing i'm constantly being watched, evaluated. I've yet to find someone with similiar experience as me. loneliness is eating me from inside. best part is i'm not even sure what they mean when we are expecting something from me..u wan me to sprout wings?

then, at some area of my life i feel i'm doing well.. but yet as a whole, the team is loosing..thus, everyone seems defeated at the lost..i dunno but i hate that losing feeling, i hate being on the loosing team..because it makes me feel my effort is worthless, an egg against the rock..why am i the only one who is against the current..others will not get it when i'm trying to convey anything..

sometimes i just want to be normal..putting in normal effort, getting a normal response..where no one will expect something out of me..i wan to be normal where i do normal things that ppl my age do, not to think of so many things and be responsible for so many other things..i wish that i can be so normal that if i slip away, no one will notice then i can live my own normal life under my own terms..

i'm not sure why am i so confused. i tried to live life as it is, giving it the best shot, earning praises but still so very empty.. its as if i'm missing out..as if no one actually care if i give it my 100% or 120% (though there is no such thing)..

life, as i know it, must change..

4th October

2010-10-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

Question:
Who determines how much you are worth? and who you should become?

my answer:
only He who is worthy. who can see my future. who knows my deepest of my desires.

Question:
What do you do when u meet a kindred spirit?

my answer:
hang on to them. they'll be there for you when the whole world cannot understand you.

_____________________________________________________________________

Time is moving too fast. 3 months in TW is drawing to a close then i'm officially off probation. well, it hasnt been a totally smooth ride but i'm giving my best into it and trying to enjoy all that there is, the people, the culture, the...work?? just a lil!

hmm..what's new. i passed and got an "A" for my Jap language! *yays* more to come soon! it's good to force yourself to learn something new. make friends along the way. Many people ask what makes me want to study Japanese.

I think besides the language being interesting and the country is amazing. Learning new things makes me humble as a student and inquisitive. i always want to remind myself that, that i've not gain all the knowledge and wisdom of deeper things..i cant just use what i've learn and just sit on it and ride it out in my life. there is so much more to things around..when u learn a new thing, it makes u think more and learn more..for example, if you learn how to dance, you'll learn how to lead and read chemistry. if you learn martial arts, you'll learn about your body and how to handle it. cool eh? i always wanted to learn more of those..when i'm freer maybe :) (i miss guitars and ninjutsu!)

other than that. God has been faithful to me. even when i fail Him so often. am reminded that i live under grace and mercy and however i can, i will try show it to others too..

hmm. any other significant event? OA trip was brilliant!!DJ CG are awesome bunch!

gah! so many many things going through my mind.. work has been really busy and all..

i learn DISC!!awesome stuff! now i can see things clearer. not to judge, but to handle situations better :) (by now you should realise i'm just blabbering my thoughts!)

met up with friend and has a long great talk. shared whatever i wanted to share and i felt a breakthrough between us and for both of us. we have come a looooong way! and i think we have longer roads to cross!! honest thoughts, we are still figuring out a lot of things huh :)

i miss lil esther. i miss lil lucas..toodlers!cute! :D

so many things running through my head. about the future..well, i can only pray and plan and trust in Him who holds it.

that's all for now!!

nights!

11th July 2010

2010-07-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

Hey blog,

Time is passing extremely fast. makes me think that 1 week holiday isnt enough.

my last employment was eventful enough. with 2 more unimates in the same work place is really fated to be good. but with the ones whol clicks are even better. so it's drawing to a close...

like what i said to one of the colleague, "dont apologize for what was done wrong against me when i'm with you because i don't remember those time anymore, only the good ones stay in my memory. so i chose to thank you, and all of you because there are the good times :)" which i think is God's response when we truly repent of our sins. He just doesnt remember anymore as described in Psalm 103.

so, tomorrow ill start my new job, in TW. I did ask myself, whether is it what i want. but i'll nvr know until i step into it. i believe God has His way in me. as mentioned by one of the aunties i met in church, "God is REALLY blessing you, and has His hands over you". it was like a lightbulb moment, I'll just do whatever it takes, to follow Him and surrender to His plans.

really am in awed that i can get the job, as i mentioned in previous post, getting a job isnt easy. and getting the job that ill be in is like wanting to build a hanging garden. but anyhow! a new chapter begins tomorrow.

hmm..how did i spend my holiday (just a mere 9 days)..

last saturday: church and stuff..normal enough of a saturday..just very stressed with DBS, finally managed to combine with KS's subzone, which lightens the burden significantly.

last sunday: i went shopping!! i bought 3 shirts and 1 T's and a wallet. dont ask about the amount. it's unhealthy. same thing i told my mom when asking her hows my choice of shirts. she said, nice, nice and wow, this one is really nice..and i say yea..the pricing also the same, nice, nice and wow, really nice!

then went to boardgame!! it's about 2 diong, 2 chang, 1 sia, 1 khoo, 1 low and a minjoot~awesome time! say "cheese"

last monday: i went to jaga office cos mom and dad is holidaying. so i jaga lo..slept there, read books there and all sorts..uneventful id say.

last tuesday: i went to do some grocery shopping and buy stuff, then at night dinner with Maui before leader's meeting. wee~

last wednesday: i went to makan with ex-colleagues..awesome time at sushi king cos i started raining elephants and hippo. and the waiter has serious face problem, just doesnt smile :S

then met up with ex-school mates and makan italianese. and then watch the 'backup plan' quite funny lo! down side, i woke myself up in middle of the night cos of itch, developed rashes all the sudden and it was just bad..had a hard time sleeping

last thursday: woke up groggy, and with rash! oh no! was suppose to see pet-sis and pet-niece by evening! sigh..so gotta cancel the jalan jalan before makan because i was just too groggy. but got makan lo after i slept abit..had some rash pill, the pharmacist say it might be something i ate. but i nvr knew i had any allergies..hmmm...and the italian food was very normal ah...dunno what la..

my pet-niece is uber cute! she can say ABC, identify body parts, kiss, good, no good and all sorts!!love her to bits!! :)

and by night, the rashes all recide edi..super awesome pill XP

last friday: had sudden influx of things to do for friday and saturday, went berserk with planning these two day..and had to let go some plans if not i'd run around and couldnt enjoy anything properly.

so, booked my whole day to Darren Khoo..mana tau wasted!!shopping at pyramid only started at 430! then since i bought my stuff edi so i'm on no-spend trip!so we went around looking for a belt to replace his crab belt. all too expensive. a superman belt from DC comic cost rm269..SICKENNING! then he refuse to go asian ave saying that it's a lala place. but *ahem* his taste also around there one la *ahem*..so oh wells..then he started to emo and wanna go home since he slept at 7am.. :S kids these days r killing themselves!

then i had babysitting the Darwin.. awesome time :)

yesterday: woke up late, didnt do my jap homework :( wanted to go class early to do, mana tau cannot find parking!! yeesh! so i end up being late summor even when i left very early!! annoyed! then i had to multitask in classroom. thank goodness i actually read ahead during this week and mentally completed my homework before writing the answers..

then left early frm jap class to meet with uncle Chew, to learn about OA mission trip and how XYZ can be involved..well peps, missions is really just at our doorsteps, dont need go too far..even an hour drive away, we can reach alot of people edi..

then XYZ, was really random.. i kena call upon to do the hola hoop of death..i died..nvr knew how and yea..so..it was sad..then celebration, then makan and watched "despicable me"..O.M.G, it's a must watch..sooooo nice..not awesome..it's nice..heartwarming nice..and UBER CUTE :) thinking about it makes me smile..

then today, i am to relax, remove clutters in my mind and be all prepared for tomorrow! cant wait!!

oh, i also had 2 weird dream this week..

1) i dreamt that i was working at the law firm again doing something before i realise, hey, im not suppose to be here, then i woke up..haha..talk about being conscious in your dream!

2) just today, i dreamt that i went to my new office, and it was NOT my new office cos i know that area..this office was at a park with a big lake..it was very nice park and all..so i can see lotsa people was walking from park to enter office, then i went to the lift, and there were cycling machine..so unknowingly i went on it and cycle even though i was 5 minutes from being late..

then i see signs to go my gym..since i was sweating, i thought of taking a shower before going to work..so i walk towards it, then DCY came out of the gym and went "hor! late for work edi!" then left me looking bewilded (he is not suppose to be at my workplace building to begin with!)
so i was like...what...the....

then DCY real life sms me and woke me up! talk about timing!!

hahaha..its a week's worth of posts!!so dun waste your time if u have more important things to do k!!
say 'No' to procrastination!

...a story of an eagle...

2010-06-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

i believe that an eagle will not be contented staying in a cage, because then, it's not an eagle anymore. though biological it is still an eagle, but an eagle that fails to behave like one is no more of an eagle than a chicken or a kiwi bird..

as long as people treat the eagle like a kite, typing a rope to the eagle's legs and yanking it to their convenience, the eagle will fail to realise its full potential as an eagle..keeping the eagle in a cage will kill the eagle..

so the eagle have three choices, ONE, attack and peck out the human's eyes or hurt them as bad as an eagle can, so the rope is lost and eagle can fly away. TWO, wait......until the human are finally kind enough to let go of the eagle. or THREE, just keep his wings and behave like a kite, a chicken in cage, never to fly again, never to do what an eagle is suppose to do..

i am a man of dreams, of burdens in my heart, and i believe i can go the distance with what i have..but yet, im being limited by my conditions of non-supportive people whom i deem having the ultimate keys to my dreams..

yes, i am the eagle and yes, you are killing me..

i wonder how long can i keep up with these until i go for option 1..

12.05.2010

2010-05-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hmm, loads of things happened these few months.
for one, i finally had my convo :) thanks for all who came, i was a happy, albeit the only, boy :P, im getting used to this..really! its life :x

next, Pearly aka soh poh left my current workplace for better future (i think XD) ..there goes my cubicle neighbour..it has been great really!!all those times we shared with various colleagues..crazy things we do in office, crazy things She did out of office!!unbelievable!!thus, earning her reputation as soh poh among us! but she is one truly kind, encouraging, disgusting, funny, blonde, smart and crazy woman!!haha..MISSING U lo!! *emo*

next, i also plan to leave..err..since..January 2010..but not happening so far :( no one wanna hire me..after thorough evaluation of self, i think it's cause im holding HELP's cert, i did psychology, and now i work in law firm as a due diligence......

nope, not very appealing..at ALL!!haha..dah la i study in HELP (name so lame), i did psychology (what can u do actually) and now im doing due diligence (due dili...what do you do again?)..yes yes, i get it!!my life hasnt been to conventional..HELP's system screwed my grades up and over..n now this..*biting my tongue!*

but anyhow, if not anything, i've learnt one thing so far..that i should be actually happy and positive! why?

because though everyday i complain, nag, sigh, almost cry (almost!), get frustrated, depressed, down cast, and whatever else, i have true genuine friends around! they encourage me, motivate me, talk to me, life me up and sometimes show me tough love to toughen me up!! for that i thank many of you in my life :) you have brightened up my dark days and strengthen my heart :) thanks for the love and hope, i truly, from the bottom of my heart, appreaciate it!

but yet, dark days are not over..i went for my interview through a relative's contact on last friday..im eagerly waiting for results..VERY eagerly..cos i can see the building from my work place..everything i do i kept thinking about it..i really really want to get it because it'll be a great platform for me to learn and perform! i think that in the midst of brilliant people is where i can also be brilliant! among the deads, ill also end up quite dead :( i wanna compare..i really wanna compare to see how good i actually am..how will i fare amongst the brilliant..

so yeap, i remembered once upon a time, i made a tiny wish to work in that building, cause the building was so big and so tall..so i pointed at one window and wondered how it would be like to work there..it'd be cool (i dont even know what companies are inside that big big building but now i do) :) i wonder really did God heard that little wish..and i still am wondering will the wish come through..

but anyhow, wish me the best wontcha? *fingers crossed*

rant!

2010-04-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

SHADDUP ALREADY!

2010-04-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

how many times can you heart be thorn apart until you can't feel anything anymore? sometimes some people tear it for you, sometimes you tear it yourself..sometimes for foolish reasonings and other times because the situation demands so..

how long can i keep it up, alone? i cant..
i need the strength of God to live on..
i need the grace of God to move on..
i need the wisdom of God to live right..
& the guidance of God to move right..

feeling really distraught right now :(

i once hear a nice story..
in a country where people have a paper heart representing how beautiful their hearts are..some people have red, some have pink or blue..

when the people are touched in their lives or that they learn to trust someone dearly, then they would tear a piece of their heart in exchange of the other party's piece of heart..thus, if someone doesnt reciprocrate the same love, the person who has torn heart will always have a hole in their paper hearts..

indeed many people's hearts are not perfect because heartaches and pains of the world taints the paper hearts of people making it dull..divorce of relationships and the unstoppable death of loved ones tears the heart of people can create fissues..

yet one day a young man, handsome and smart came upon the streets one day and proudly boast that he has the most perfect heart of all..untainted, bright red and in perfect shape..people gathered around, praising how beautiful the heart is and how they envied his perfect heart..

the young man knows no pain in life, living the happiest and most wonderful life under the protection of his parents..so he grew proud of his heart and he showed off to people around in the streets..and people agreed that his heart is the most perfect and beautiful of them all..

then an old man came by and corrected the young man saying:
"a heart that is perfect knows no pain will not appreaciate the little things in life,
a heart that is unbroken will only showed that you have not stepped out and trust others with you inmost secrets,
a heart that is perfect doesn't know the joy of sharing things with people,
a heart that is still in a piece will only show that you are selfish in your living that others cannot reach into your life."

the the old man showed his heart, tattered, unwhole and with many colours of paper hearts pieced together..he said that he has learnt to share even if he has very little, trusting in humanity though others may not reciprocrate the act. willing to expose his heart so that his life can touch others and others' can touched his..he shared about his exchange of hearts with his first best friend, with his wife and his teachers..of his encounter with orphans and people over the other end of the world..of seeing the lost of his wife and children through fire accident..of loosing his best friend to cancer..each time his life was touched or despaired, the old man would tear a piece of his heart..making it unwhole, full of gaps..

the people around started to cry and people start to tear a piece of their heart to fill in the gap of the old man's paper heart..and the young man, with tears in his eyes, did the same and tore of his perfect, bright red heart to exchange a piece with the old man.

--ends--

10th August

2009-08-09T18:45:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

i haven't been sleeping well..thus 2 more pimples appeared..not the kind where u can show who's the boss if u mind craters on your face..*plsplspls let it disappear*..

other than that..
i think i'm still on the way of finding my fit in this world..but i've been much further in this journey than i anticipated..guess it's a good thing :)
i've been stretching myself or being stretched..my mind in particular..to listen and to feel about things..
sometimes its hard because things that people tell you, you may not agree, or its just hard facts about these people that you might not want to know about because it tarnish the image of the people involved..
but the world needs more love to go around..more peace..and hope..or just a listener who cared enough to stop and stoop down, and just listen..

with the little that i have..i've decided to share..as much as i can give..as far as i can reach..listen to the hearts of people..to their deepest cry, their deepest sorrow..but also their wildest dreams and sweetest memories..know what makes people laugh..but also what makes them shed tears..

hopefully u will feel it too..that someone cares..:)..glad that you have choose me to share things with..

lotsa love from the bottom of my heart
*ends*

burden..

2009-08-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

have God even laid a burden in your heart that makes you so compelled to act or intervene?

a burden about someone?somethings? that doesnt seem right, that needs attention?

some of the things can potentially able to make a fool out of you, to be emotionally involved, to say the hard things, to make the tough move or to even sacrifice yourself..

this is evident in church when people are asked to pray, to volunteer, to do something, to talk to the people problems or even shaking hands with the new comers..they wouldn't do it..not that they could not, they would not..familiar no?

most of the times when people are faced with such a situation, they will choose to ignore, it isnt their problem, they should not go all the way out and then not get appreaciated for things they did, they say, they point out, they intervene..

but IF your heart beats the heart beat of God, you will know things need to be changed, when it's time to act, we move in and fill the gaps..WHO ever talks about being appreaciated?WHO ever needs to talk about the rewards?WHO ever tell you the tough things you do in life will be recognise?

let's look at Martin Luther King Jr..was he appreaciated, rewarded, recognised?when he first started the revolutionary move, he wasn't AT ALL..he made people (esp certain people group)uneased of the changes he prospose..but he had a DREAM..and he moved on..he heard the voice of God and he obeyed..he was getting his worldly recognition towards the end of his life but he threw it all away..saying that it's worthless for him..his eyes is fixed upon God and the things of God..and he was assassinated in the end..

but he made a difference by choosing the path less taken..he chose to do the things of God..and he is getting rewarded by God Himself, appreaciated by God for being faithful and fruitful..recognised for his effort on earth in heaven..a true recognition indeed..

I have been so compelled to do things these days that i'm loosing my sleep, i can lay awake and think of many things at one time..scenarios over scenarios, people over people, incident over incident..things arent too pretty..

sometimes i wondered to God why is He showing me what i can do or should be doing..but it's only obvious, i am called to act..not that i am the Only one to act but i am called..God could have choosen dozen other people to do it..its a priviledge that exist only in time such as this..when it's passed, it will not come around the second time..

but when you are involved in it, you will feel like the planets aligned itself for time such as this that you are there and you did the right thing..your whole meaning existence at that time is to be there and do just that..you are in the will of God..it is an amazing feeling and awesome thoughts..

therefore..i pray..for the right time, the right words, the right people..i pray for God's pressence, wisdom and guidance..

i pray..

(ends)

another post again :)

2009-08-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Pimples,

i thought you have chosen another face over mine.. i have never been happier without you..
for years, i thought i could forgot how much you've hurt me, invested my face and shame me in front of my kawans..
i tought the worst was over when i entered my 20's..when my face finally am clear of you..showing no signs of you except a few renegade pimples occasionally came but my face didn't welcome them and they left quickly..
besides from a few minor scars which i will be sure to get rid of in the future, i never knew you would make a come back..n such a bloody come back u've made..

even since that stinkin PC fair and me start working, you have made your way up my face..infesting it with puss and scars that never heal..
i tried to sleep you off, apply gels and creams and whatnots..
i knew i lack exercise, to sweat you off, so i'm less toxic..but i tried to fend you off, and get rid of you.. i sometimes blame the hormones..that went berserk because my new lifestyle..
but nothing i could have done to prepare me for this..
because your came, n this time, you stayed..
futhermore, you have invaded my forehead, a feat that happened for only a year back when i was 15...
such nightmare to have pimples on forehead...

ZOMG..

pimples-89127310923, me-0..

i nvr truly win agains you...but i will..SOON!!

chants to self *exercise exercise*

(ends)

mumbles mumbles

2009-08-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

helo world..

i'll update summor about my life :)

1) i din sleep well yesterday.. :(..i think i was still awake at 2am..cos i slept at 6pm..cannot tahan lo :(..working isnt that easy..or rather sitting in front of table doing really busy/important stuff..anyhow..i got up at about 1:30am to eat banana..hungery..very.. :(

2) i kena for no reasons :(..
story is like this..it was 940am on tuesday when Pr Foo msg us telling us to update our follow up file..so since i was in front of computer and have IE opened, i just click it on my favourite bar, went in and complete my file within 2 minutes..
then hor..at leader's meeting on that night..Pr Foo remind me to update my attendace for follow up again, looking at his printed sheet..since i thought i already updated it (i was rarely late one lor!!)..i was a little confused but not wanting to make a scene, i just nod and answered..
then i was wondering y la kena call when i updated my file, so i went to check the printed spread sheet..mana tau got extra column there to state attendace!!..i was stunned abit..then sheepishly look around thinking that i'm being really delusional these days because extra column kept popping up AFTER i check my files :(..happened twice edi..
then i talk to people and found out the column was added at about 1015AM..AFTER i already updated my file 2 minutes after receiving the sms at about 945Am.......*speechless*..
zomg!!n there i was thinking my eyes went crooked or my brain wasnt working when i double checked the file AFTER filling in..mana tau..the pain of one so punctual...T.T..
ISH..dungu!!

3) this is my working schedule..
830am..reach office, set up laptop
830 to 1030..do invoicing and stock packing
1030 to 1230..stare at laptop and read things to entertain myself
1230 to 1..lunch
1pm to 6pm..stare at screens and do nothing..if possible, catch some sleep.. :)
haha..but after staring at screen for 4 weeks, cannot tahan edi..eye popping out lo..very tiring..sigh..how now?dun think i can read books in office :(..

4) i miss a friend..friend doesnt wanna reply me or forgot or watever..me sien with him..will slap him when i see him..u watch out u!

5) me quite emo these days..waiting for reply for companies is taking longer than i thought.. :(..sigh......

okok..thats all..hopefully can find something better to do during my office hour..mayb update my blog abit more often XD

EEends33

Dear Blog

2009-07-31T19:51:00.001-07:00

Dear Blog,

i've been thinking about you..

i guessed i should've updated you a little, so you dont sound so clueless and dull..

i guessed i should've learnt ways of making you a little fancier, or nicer, not as generic as it is right now with ready made background and un-updated list of friends..

for 3 months you have been abandoned but some curious souls tries to check you out in order to find out about me but it seems they are disappointed :(

i'm sorry me bloggie..but me just isnt that type of person who'd sit down and write and journal every part of my life..i do it once in a while where the mood is right but now..just..doesnt seems right..

me am sorry bloggie..

me send white roses to you..

*puts on natural tears*..*sniff*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
on the other note, i haven been updating isn't because there isnt things to update about..there's tons but as i said..me no mood..n i'm trying to cut down on complaining..so yea..me doing good job by disassociating myself with my complacent side :)

but for now..UPDATES!! *in me-language*

1) as per last post, yes me hav an apple iPhone :)
story:
me and me family went to eat the RM2 sushi as pyramid sushi king :)..then me complained about me phone (LG=longkang goods...it has been offing itself and the keypad has been crazy :(..so me need proper phone)..then me mom and me bro say lets go look at phones..then we end up at maxis and me got an iPhone =D
easy to understand? :)
erm..yea..cost a small bomb..but its for me graduation and 21st bday..so *big grin* thanks me mommy
hmm..so far Apple didn't disappoint me..when me work and earn a living meself, me can install even more chun application to make me iPhone cooler and better..now me only hav free applications cos me no own credit card :(..

2)me graduated
story:
graduation ceremony is next year..me collected me cert last week..me abit sad leaving HELP..*tiny bit*..well..time to move on right?? :)
yea..though now i do not think highly of HELP because of various complaints that i personally went through (regarding their programs)..but its still one big part of my life..
n..its ALL my uni friends that help made it bearable for even be there for 4 years :)..loves u's alls!!

3)me holiday
story:
me no holiday.. :S..me finish uni, me go daddy's office work..then me apply jobs, whilst waiting, me go daddy's office work..me no holidays :(..got la...one week (rest abit, go gym, watch anime..)..then kena pull back n work..without PAY!!blesphemy i tell u!!pro bono work :( SIEN! to max!

4) me jobs
story:
me apply KPMG for intern seeing me dunno whether me graduating yet..me got interview, in jeans and t-shirt, me go interview..(it was crazy okay..so last minute oni tell..me suppose to watch movie with kawan!)..me got the job, but me realized me graduated after me get me results..me wanted fulltime instead..but KPMG gave me funny reasons for not letting me have full time..me sad..me reject KPMG :)..
other than that..
me still looking for jobs..me havent got many positive reply..me gotta really fast n pray for good oppurtunity.. :)

5) me life
story:
me no life.
me no go gym.
me go fat :S..seriously!annoying!everyday after work also super exhausting edi..no wonder those working ppl's shanchoi so easy go out of shape..sigh..me dunwan be like them sad ppl!me must discipline!sigh..hard work me tell u..hard work :(

me no life
me work
work boring, cant read newspaper..me become facebook addict instead..one day facebook down for 5 hours..i almost had panic attack..macam mau mati tau!..see how sad me life is?

me got life
me church
me church had LOUD! 09..it was great..me speechless..me helped out here n there..in the end it was good..though Chi yao hurt his legs and didnt get to watch LOUD!09:(..pray that itll heal quick quick!
me CG making me proud..me cant wait to see them lead other lives :)

me got life
me met up with friends from far far away land..
so the happiness :)
miss u all loads loads and loads..

yeap..so the keep the score..this 3 months has been bitter sweet..lotsa nice things happened..lotsa not so nice things happens..and a few suprises..good ones bad ones..cant keep count on them all..

well..2009 has entered august..lets hope it starts well and ends well..it hasnt been easy..so God, help me!!

**ends**

I'm busy

2009-05-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

busy..enjoying my holidays~~

therefore..pls do disturb :P

abit tired today so ill update more soon :) but here's a sneak peak into my life

thats all!! omm-noom-noom :P

13042009

2009-04-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm FREE baby!!FREE, at least from thesis for now!!hahaha

i cant begin to tell you how crazy it was..but it might cast bad impression so i won't tell XD, ...or i will..haha..basically its about last minute cramping and my dark side creeping up on me and i really had a part time in doing this thesis, to just start something was really painful..so many times i lied on my bed and have no idea what is happening..well, mayb some of you peps go through it as well but for me it was darn real..

my shoulder was soo stiff that it was painful, my eye was watering and i was staring at screen, just stoning..hours of flipping books and googling..mayb that IS thesis..it is what we are suppose to go through..hehe..it was BAD!!

well..since i indulge in psychology so much, i shall use some of its jargons to describe myself right now..my face is like scatterplots for pimples right now..Pearson's R of Time(day) and No. of Pimple is definately positive and STEEP..i have at least one stress pimple everyday, sometimes two..so now my face have lotsa them..

however, sleep and time(days) was pretty much pearson's R=0..cos i sleep every 3 hours for about half and hour just to get going..it was that crazy..then food intake increased..i eat every 2 hours..munch munch munch tiger biscuit..now i abit scared of it edi... :(..no more tiger for me after this..

sigh..but i think i did my best..really..i crosschecked it a few times, making sure every step i take is stable..it was my level best..if it doesnt get good grades, i'd take time to learn from the masters.. :P..

but that aside..now its the time to study!! exams on saturday and thesis defence on next thurs..and then, ill truly be free.. :)

11th March- Changes

2009-03-11T03:06:00.000-07:00

Do u sometimes realise that a person has changed n you wondered what happened?
whether the change is positive or negative, it'd be a prove that something had happen to the person which resulted in such minor/major changes..

changes can, of course, be physical or behavioral or any other form of perceptions and whatnots..

for me, i realised i've changed..

very much negatively..

i'm not a happy boy..

n my dark side is rearing its head and taking over me..

i said something so blunt that i scared myself and i hurt people while doing so..

i can't be sorry enough but i'm in a state of confusion..

i don't really know what has happened or is this my true self..

my first thought is i'm turning into a monster..coldblooded..

i felt my own heart and i can almost feel it pumping mechanically..no longer pumping passion and soul..just some red bodily fluid to keep the body alive..

i'm tired..i kept my body alive but i can't do the same for my mind and soul..they are decaying within me..

i truly need something to grab on to..a blackhole is my heart is destroying everything..

sigh..

i guess this isnt my true self..or at least i've had the potential to be someting better because i'll never forget this.."where is your sensitivity?"..

it hit me awake like a bat to a baseball..someone who know me ask this and i snapped out of the trance..i felt so confused about the state i'm in that it's scary..

it felt like i've been in this state of zombie for months..being tired, lifeless, negative and now it has escalated to being harsh, rash, blunt and stupid..

all i can say is this..i'm trying to fix things, but i forgot to fix myself..gimme some time and i'm sorry if i've ever disappointed u all during this time..it's a hard time but i know better, i give no excuse..just gimme some time..

-end-

11th Feb

2009-02-10T23:01:00.000-08:00

hehehe..this is my 100th post!!
n i'm here to intro u to my brand new name..its called...

"Mike Neverbreaks"!!

this dude is officially off the hook of sanity~here goes from last week till this week:

study like crazy, 8 hours a day..end of exam, then go genting, abit the stressful trip due to many incidents XD..played spaceshot!!...then had to do journal reflection..then super long saturday doing church work..then sunday woke up early to do journal reflection..then go church for DBS study..then go ipoh..then eat eat eat until i dun think i would like to eat for the next few days..then this week need to fix my thesis questionnaire design..then got compulsary counseling session..then next week got midterms..then need to administer my questionnaire..then i wanna go ninjutsu tonight..then gym train until tricep cannot be felt anymore..then today got gym summor..then need to call people..then need to coordinate meetings..then wanna change nose piece for my specs..then have to decide where to study and do research about it..then need to read research method textbook to improve my stats knowledge..then deciding whether wanna start part time work..then prepare to cell dinner..then having 5 books that i must read..

if u read all those and can emphatize with me and know that actually these items leads to may other to-do's, then u can get a better picture of my sanity~

-endofpost-

2nd Feb

2009-02-02T05:02:00.000-08:00

weee~accomplishment of a lifetime!!i actually finish reading a TEXTbook!!it was 606 pages!!
siao really..did about 120 pages for the past few days..phew..but now got other things to do ler..namely, tut question for tomorrow..sigh..tiring really..

kekancheongan!!

-end of post-

22nd Jan

2009-01-22T04:37:00.000-08:00

hmm..these days ALOT of things to do leh..
wrote them down so i dont forget them but the list super long..doing one by one..one by one..until now still not yet finish :(..taking a long time for that..sigh~

hoping for brighter future..go Obama!!do something!! XD

hehehe..hopefully he can help make the world a better place :)

erm..yea..i wanna go Japan n study!!weee~..but that meant ALOT of commitment into learning the language and culture stuff..Konichiwa!!boo~..not that i mind but imagine writing lit review in japanese..serious o-m-g...dunno will take how long to complete..but still..it'd be great..its like Chinese student coming over and learn english but i went Japan to learn Japanese..hehe..so if they can do it, i can too~quite long though..about 3-4 years to complete everything..XP..abit crazy compared to 1 year in UK to complete a masters..

how how how..i'm getting kancheong edi..21 edi leh..life's not that long for me to decide so slowly..though my decision may be rebuffed but still~~how lar..i wanna come back, i wanna work and earn a living, i wanna live outside this roof so i can hav more freedom :P..i wanna buy things for myself after a goodwork done.. huhuhu..so many dreams waiting for me to make it real!!

something is very real though..i have exam in 2 weeks time~must pass this one..MUST..
then thesis..hmm..gonna work hard hard hard..
then group processing~work hard hard too!!hehe..i think i'm quite famous in the class now cos i was late twice in a row~first time i used federal high, left house at 820..then smooth until i got stuck for 30 min at Eastin Hotel Traffic light..zzz..so i reach class at 930..second time, i used NKVE, left house at 810..stuck at the Damansara toll for 20 mins..reach class at 910.. :S..then kena put down names and write reasons..i think think also dunno wat to write..i came out early, use a different route and still late..wat can i say la...dang..next time leave at 8 la..this is quite sad case..

oh oh..n now i think i'll learn to buy more books from Amazon.com cos i ordered one book on the 12th Jan using only their normal delivery service which is said to take from 21 to 30 days to arrive at my door step but it arrived yesterday!!which was only 9 days..teehehe..sounds good to me~but the book super thick n its for my thesis..studies studies studies..

erm..yea..nothing much happening these days lo..meeting up with friends n stuff :D..i need more time with humans than my laptop alone ler..hehe..

oh wells..back to study!!

^^ end of post ^^

9th Jan 09

2009-01-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

time flies huh..
i took some time to read back my blog, from my first post to most recent..n i found out that i've changed..
the blog centers around me now, very much about my feeling and thoughts and nothing much about what's happening and stuff..not that nothing is happening la..of course got lotsa things happening..but yet...
strange, how far i've come to arrive at this state..what have i done to arrive here..strange indeed..

anyhow, just a note to self, 9th Jan 2009, my heart breaks into many pieces cos it was held only by a cellotape of hope taped by myself..i'm quite shattered until i'm unsure what i am actually feeling..relief, hope, thoughts and things appear and disappear..its like a sea in my head now, things get washed up to shore and some things get dragged into the sea of thoughts..n i'm not sure what is important..relationship?results?success?money?..my priority is messed up..

note to self again, i'll continue to keep my chin up because this too shall pass..hopefully i'm falling forward.. :) then even if i'm falling, i'm sure i'm not falling behind..

but one thing for sure, i'm sorry to all unpleasant things in 2008 and 2009 will be a better year..just because it is and i am and i hav God..so i wun be a sorry self anymore..let the past be past and future will then shine again..

~let me fall in love again~

2nd Jan 09

2009-01-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

let's b more positive!!

n on new year's eve, i just knew my torment is prolonged for 2 weeks..
wat nonsense!!

21st Dec 08

2008-12-20T18:37:00.000-08:00

hmm..i think living a peaceful life is out of reach edi~

imagine this..after finals, i worked full day for 2 days including sunday in PC fair..
tuesday i had prom and had a wonderful time n yet i have class on wed from 8am-2pm..
i was contemplating whether to go for class but fear of assignment coming soon prompts me to go even when i woke up at 830 :P..

good news!!
i did make it in time to know about the assignment!!yayness

bad news!!
its due on friday n i have less than two days to finish it..dang...

yea..so in the end, i worked a lil on thurs n went to watch movie summor~then cramp things down on friday..n NOW, i seriously think the world is out to get me!!dah la the lecturer know that the psych students cant attend class until the 3rd week, she announce assignment during second week n ask us to pass up by the end of third week..:S

zzz..nvrm..

oh..n about the movie i watch..i watch "the day the Earth stood still"..
i give it 6/10..its not brilliant..cool but jerky story lines..but i went in without expectations anyway..i dun think the novel fair any better too..wall-e did a better job in raising enviromental conscious thoughts..

about thesis..erm..let's just say the results of this sem will ultimately determine my life route..n this sem is crazy roller coaster despite every precaution made..crossing my fingers and prayed until i cant pray anymore..

about life in general??my heart has grown cold..it's a state where things arent at all attractive..

truth be told, i've run overhaul..my mind and my heart..but yet, the results seems so uncertain that i dont know whether have everything worth the effort i put in..dissapointments is showing quick but fruit of my labour is yet to be noticed..things just come after another and i barely rest..i'm not too sure i can recognise myself anymore..the eyes which reflects my heart doesnt seem my own..

sigh..i need some warmth before i fall down and shatter myself like a frozen iceblock.. :(

emo-nya

~end of post~

know wat?

2008-12-10T02:28:00.000-08:00

u know u have a HUGE problem when your goal seems to blend into the wall and u r running towards it..

i think i'm cursed..truly..nvr a sem in my 4 years of uni life i can do my exams in a proper manner..everytime got different crap happens that disrupts me and push me off course..i'm not too sure i'm gonna make it now..just hoping that God'll hear my prayers and miracle happens..

my dreams..r u still valid and am i still eligible??i'm becoming very shaky..very shaky indeed..

-ends-

16th Nov 2008

2008-11-16T06:54:00.000-08:00

hmmm..something strange happen..
apparently there's about 60 visitors during this time which i didn't touch my blog..

oh wells..i'm BUSY..so yea..gonna finish this posting wihin 10 minutes to clear my rantings..

since its about ranting..i'm angry k..
firstly..i'm unhappy with ppl who can't manage themselves have to affect others about it..

i'm pretty annoyed with ppl who have their fun, relax time but only when near assignment dateline, their "no problem" n promises turns to problem everywhere..well..believe me when i asked hows your weekend, it serves a higher purpose than just how r u..

i haven been relaxed at all for a long long time..if u can take all your day offs on weekends n all..i think u can repay it back NOW..without bothering me..cos i did my parts on my sundays n my off days already..plus, if u can take time off during when u have your assignment, then can i take mine when i hav mine as well..

another problem..ppl who knew something but nvr take initiative to do anything about it..i mean come on..if u knew something and dun take steps to solve it n let other ppl who only know half of it do the talking, the problem nvr get solved..how dumb r u??so now u hav problems which u SHOULD have said in the first place n discuss, don't come blame me..u r the prick in this case from the beginning till NOW..yes..i get the situation..u can't solve YOUR problem..dun come for me..i'm not your mom..

so go fly kite k..or ride a donkey..

*done in 10 minutes XD*

1 Sept

2008-09-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

Happy belated birthday Malaysia~
hmm..i've got nothing much about it because i spend the weekend at home!!being a goodboy n all..

but coming back from England, it makes me see Malaysia in different light..i now see Malaysia really as a land of oppurtunity, of colours and of beauty..not because England was so bad until i see Malaysia in such ways..but its me looking down at the land and i realise i really love this land..

yes..we're not perfect in MANY ways but running away or hiding in other country isnt the way of making things any better..u leave behind your loved ones, your root and your memories..and u pull out of a chance of making a difference as well..ppl behind r suffering and if indeed, u r brilliant, i dun see u doing anything about it!!

so yea ppl, stop leaving the country just because other countries are "better"..Malaysia can live up to your individual standards IF u put in effort in affecting change..and may be even better than other countries..

for me, i know i'll be back..no matter whether i need to study abroad or work abroad, it'd be temporary..i promise myself to do my part in this beautiful land..so PPL, do come back k!!

kk..enough being patriotic..

I went to gym today!!finally..but so little people..mayb its holiday, mayb its the economy.. :(..either way..it is quite depressing..but i'm pending for muscles/fats to ache tomorrow..it'd be good after 2 months of not working out..

on the other note..a voice of warning..NVR NVR NVR vow not to be someone..because i figure out i'm more n more like the person i vow not to be..but now..sigh..too many things on my mind..i don't even know how it came to be..

hmm..being totally random today..i super emo!!ppl r leaving me..like really..off to study, migrate and stuff..sigh..apparently downside of studying in malaysia is that u just kept sending ppl off..not that i'm sad they get to go n i dont (really..)..but it's sad they have to leave..though i know we'll meet again but it'll be so long later.. :(..price of growing up??or price of being in touch with your feelings..both arent a good price to pay to have your heart being ripped part by part..sad lar!!

oh wells..

randomly, i did fine for my last exam!!so that means the chance of me studying till april and potentially risking not to graduate by april is less!!its a good news k!!

N also that i really NEED to do absolutely wonderful for my thesis..so far, i read for than 40 articles edi n i really really NEED it to be perfect..so that i dun hav to b ultra stress for my other study subject..but also need to be super hardwoking lo~..just in case!breathe breathe..but others r intimidating me liao..with ppl soo chun under dr hera as well...sigh..my chances depends on my work oni then!!

kk..i shall end this post NOW! (got work leh)..n my bro's back!!fatter than ever!!

^^ end of post ^^

21th August

2008-08-21T04:42:00.000-07:00

hehe..i think i've beat my jetlag!!take that!!now its mike-1 jetlag-7 but i win in the end cos i beat it!!mwahaha..

on the same point i think i found a very good technique to beat jetlag..n yes!!its the sun!!n exercising as well!!cos it not only forces my body to absorb the sun to positively confirm to my body that it is afternoon, not morning..but it also forces it to work forward into feeling less fatigue in day time..so yea..basically it kicks my bioclock back into its senses..welcome back my long lost bioclock..

on the other note..for those english-going wannabe..lets share some experience i had there..

i forgot to mention but my skin has irritation n my bowel has strange reaction in england..first, i skin was having major pimple issue n also irritation/itchiness when i was there..i think its because the place was very dry as compared to our tropical country..so it was hell to my face as my face was combination, now that it isnt so, i again can' put too much moisturiser bcos it'll encourage further breakout on part of my face n it will look shiny with oil..so i tried extra-moisture some parts of my face and be lighter on other parts but it was not much difference n in the end, i got a zit..now its no more but the memory was bad..but it really takes slowly for my body to get used to it and adjusting appropriately..

next, this one thing my body can't adjust..its my skin irritation..my legs and body was so itchy that i couldn't sleep properly at night..i thought the bed/my shirt/myself was dirty but i wasn't..i tried cleaning all of the above n it's to no avail..so my beautiful legs got lots of scar in the end..n then i tried moisturizing myself at the itchy parts but it was to no avail too..besides from restoring my skin back to normal, without the cracks, it does nothing to stop the itch..so yea..that one i really dunno wats wrong or wat can i do..any suggestion??but it was all ok when i'm back in msia..now my legs are as beautiful as it is..

lastly..the first 1 week when i reach england..i hav this strange issue to kept going to toilet every now and then..like every 45 minutes or 1 hour i would literally feel like taking a leak..but the result wasnt much..(aiya..dun make me sound sick that the topic already is)..so i thought something was wrong somewhere..mayb i din get enough sleep..but no..it's still the same..n when my mom notices it she said the usual thing..aiya..your body is weak la n all that nonsense..but my brother said its because of the water..apparently..england's water is"hard" while msia's water is "soft"..i still haven know wat those exactly means but it is true..my bladder coundnt process the water well n its got nothing to do with how much i drink cos i would always feel like peeing after a while..but it got better after one week or so..guess my body got used to it..(See..it aint my problem..i'm a fine young man no matter how skinny i seem..)

so yea..do take note for those wanna go england!!

on the other note..those who dunno roberta but visit my blog...i'll show u...

BABY Esther aka my pet-niece!!super cute or not!!of course YES!!

yes yes..here is the woman responsible for bringing the baby to this world!!roberta ng!!

haha..notice the resemblence between the mommy n the baby??the sepeted eyes..button nose..high forehead..same lips too!!but i think the ears look like the dad!!see!!

here's d MAN!!see!!the same shape!!

haha..so yeap..now we've got this super cute baby to play around with!!can't wait to meet her face to face!!super cute right!!they should take a family pic now!!ROBERTA!!family pic!!3 of u!!

hahaha..so cute la~i wan one too!!

kk..enough about babies..lets talk olympic!!

i din watch opening ceremony YET!!i'm yet to dig around for it after missing it in england n rememberin it the next day..T.T..sad..no tv ma..

next..i think LCW did his best..but Lin Dan was on his top form that day..so can't blame CW for his lost..sad though..

i dislike the incidence of the singing in the opening ceremony wasn't performed by the original singer..i read about it..n i think its super shallow to rip the girl of HER priviledge of showcasing the world what she has and wat china can actually be proud of instead of being ashamed of..i mean come on..every race is bound to have ppl who dun actually look cute/handsome/pretty/beautiful by the world's standard..its just genes and other things u could do about it..china pretty told the girl that u're ugly, but we're gonna use u for wat u've got..which makes me pretty angry..God is fair!!n it might be damn right u cannot get another girl like that in the whole of china then it serves u right!!i mean if u r so bloody afraid that the girl's appearance will cause national shame then u can hav some dancers to distract the crowd n share the attention instead of the lip sync act which totally is disgraceful that chinese think this way..bloody idiots!!she look ok wat..grrr..

i wanted to watch swimming but it's all gone..:(..but i just watched taekwando n i felt that its so dumb..i prefer wrestling..i dun think the non-orient/chinese-descent(in general) will understand wushu/taekwando or other sets of martial arts..

i mean..there is soo many things that can't be translated just because u wanna learn..there is so many deeper things other than techniques..although i think its good for foreigners to take interest in chinese but it's stupid..yes..stupid..to learn based on translations alone..hav u read their sunzibinfa??its shame..i forgot which show i watch but there's a girl that's obsessed about using the technique inside..i felt like slapping her n telling her that its not just the literal meaning la u dumb duck!!there is history n all other virtues that the particular set of martial art comes with n its only through learning those, u'll understand wat r u actually learning..n pls..its really not for fighting purposes..

i watch the olympic taekwando for below 68kg mens..it was between germany and iran(i think, i forgot which other middle east contry cos i watch two matches n their names r hard to remember)..n that germany dude was..how to say..the typical foreigner learning chinese martial art..he was rash, jumpy, making unnecessary noises, smug and rude..he was doing moves without purpose and really irritate the hell out of me..i think my ninjutsu sensei will kill him after 10 second with this dude cos he was bloody noisy n jumpy..a NO-NO in ninjustu n also other martial arts as far as i'm concern..it must be that bruce lee la..make so much noise n foreigner likes to exagerate things..so yea..it ended up haing these kind of ppl..half learnt..i'd go for the legs and take it out before he can do anything else..so annoying..

hmm..on the other note..i'm facing a dilemma of a sort..here comes a big question..what is doing the right thing..ppl keep jokingly say "be a man and do the right thing"..so wat is the "right thing"..

apparently, right thing is subjective..it's not the thing u like to do the most, its also not the most productive thing u wan to do..its not the things that most men would do and certainly not the thing that u do to get ppl to love u..hmm..i really dunno wats the right thing..probably the best illustration would be "dark knight"'s scene of joker placing detonatorsin both ship waiting to blow off the people of gotham only if either of them press the red button..one ship having only prisoners of gotham, another having citizens..n before the clock strike the promised hour, one of the prisoner stood up, walk to the jailer, n told him.."let me do it..something that we should have done long time ago"..he took it from the trembling hand of jailer..the prisoner throw the device out..that i think its the right thing..

i think its an important concept to grasp before we all continue in life..wat is the right thing for me..because its personal n subjective..hmm..i'm not grasping it too well at the moment.. S:(..knotted eye brows..

ah wells..thats it for today!!

qp End of post qp

August 17th

2008-08-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm back ppl!!

yes eu veng i'm back just to do your tag!! (zz..nvr have i been pestered that badly to do a tag!! lol)..

oh wells..a lil update before i start the seemingly harmless tag can??pls!!

yeap..i'm back..from england!!

sigh..i'll just post up some pictures la..i really lazy waiting for these stuff to be uploaded..i'm so not the blogging enthusiast..

kk..i few photos coming right up..i'll make sure its few..

okie..enough..5 mins to upload..its a pain..wireless ma..from top to bottom would be stoneheigh, cambridge, greenwich, jurassic park, i mean natural history museum, and lastly at stratford..

besides that, i was also in london, manchester, oxford, bath, warwick, and conventry..yeap..but also alot of plances in london such as....alot la..not like u r THAT interested in my life kan??

okies!!

n yes..refering to my previous post, i've got my answer..not sharing the process unless i decided to..its personal..likw deep deep deep kinda personal!!n i'm not that public *shy*..but the whole trip really is a good life experience..open up your eyes~

ok ok..lets get to the tag of the day..

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 10 people

How are you feeling today? *ahem, groggy*

Song:Goodies..Comment: it's all good, waking up at 1pm..real good-jetlag-good..

Will you get far in life? *like..the furthest, duh*

Song:White, Discussion..Comment: well, it really depends on your view on the term "success", lets sit down and discuss about it, shall we?

How do your friends see you? *cos i'm not invisible?**lame-me!! nah, its jetlag*

Song: There you'll be..Comment: yes yes, i'm here, tell me everything, starting with that purple dinasour you mentioned..

Will you get married?*hmmm....Hmmm...deep*

Song: Time to say goodbye..Comment: this is so messed up, i'm gonn go single!byes u evil woman!!

What is you best friend's theme song? *best..hmm..i wonder who stays on that spot*

Song: Stained glass masquerade..Comment: it has all been a game..i have mask on n you've got your game face..

What is the story of your life? *endless*

Song: Find yourself.. Comment: i'm starting to think this game is jinxed..yes..always to find myself, what i'm made of and where i'll go..thats me..

What was highschool like? *just like highschool*

Song: Im Nin Alu.. Comment: *i hav no idea where the song came from*..yea..its just as confusing as the song..totally different plane..with that much excitement and still i hav no idea wats happenin..

How can you get ahead in life? *by elbowing others off their track!!*evil laughs*

Song: Waterboy..Comment: be fluid!!flexible!!n drown off other competitors!!

What's the best thing about your friends?*they r all MINE to pawn!!n still they love me n i love pawns!!nah..i love them too much..*

Song: Happy together..Comment: LOL..n continouos LOL..yeap..just like wasted ppl singing on the street kinda happy!!huddle huddle my friends!!

What's in store for this weekend?*like thesis....gym....qt...church plannings....i'm so gonna die..where is my holiday!!*

Song: Fatigue..Comment: i told u the tag is jinxed..i'm already so tired from jetlag la..

Describe your grandparents. *random-nya*

Song: Ni Se Wo de Sin Fu ma (R u my happiness?)..Comment: I think you are..i had a great cook grandma and my other grandma raise up a really cool bunch of kids that's now my uncles and aunties..

Hows your life going? *its going into my stomach and forming THICK layers of fats..*

Song: No one..Comment: No one is there for me!!n i thought we were happy together!!

What song will they play at your fueral? *who say i'm dying?WHO??i demand an answer!*

Song: Only Hope..Comment: oh God..i'm the only hope n i died..hmm..i better leave the fallen human world with some tools to work with..or that mayb i've done my part!!i prefer the latter..

How does the world see you? *err..this is scary to press the FF button..i dunwan to be button(stupid pussies)!!*

Song: Vals of the Mandrake..Comment: the song is from Pan's Labyrinth's soundtrack..i hav absolutely no idea what is "vals"..i wiki it and i think the correct meaning is that its a type of spanish waltz..so yeap..the world will see me as a mandrake dancing waltz...i'm such a happy mandrake!!..(read harry potter if u have no idea about mandrake)..hey!at least i'm not screaming off my heads!!

Will you have a happy life? *yes!!i sure hope so*

Song: You got me all wrong..Comment: all i want is YOU to be happy..my happiness is inmaterial..i love u..really..(i'm all up for soap drama now)

Do people secretly lust after you? *God i'm so out of shape!!*

Song: Three trials..Comment: facing 3 trials now..get pass it and i'll be the make it to he world's sexiest man!!haha..like disney's hercules!!

How can you make yourself happy? *get some rest n beat the idiotic jetlag*

Song: O sole mio..Comment: it translate as "my sun"..i think i need sunlight!!darn the english weather..mess up my body system, being grey all the time n all..fine..i'll go get some sun tomorrow..its scientifically proven to beat depression!!reeaally!!

What should you do with your life? *get SOME rest!!albeit, now!!*

Song: Gas Hed goes West..Comment: i have no slightest idea what is that..mayb thats y i have to find myself!!

Will you ever have children? *i hope so!!i've got cool names for them!!n its nothing like Blanket!!*

Song: Everything I'm not..Comment: O.o..well..it'd be good!!let them be!!they'll be the best kids around!!

What song will you strip to? *lets not get christmas song or i'm so doomed..*

Song: Yu Jian (Meet..err..yea..it means just that..the bumping into each other kind).. Comment: it'd be so weird to strip to that song but i'd imagine the song playing when i haven meet my lover so long because of a dumb mistake..then when we meet each other again, we just cant help but to......strip......n listen to that song while.....we........strip....under the rain...

What does your mom think of you? *err..MY BOY!!*

Song: On the Table..Comments: LOL..haha..thats so my mom!!everything on the table..food drinks food drinks..always eat eat drink drink n its on the table, come get yourself!!

What is your deep, dark secret? *hmm..its really deep..n really dark..like u know..deep?dark?dark kinda deep?or deep like dark?*

Song: Gentle as she goes..Comment: YES..i'm waiting for a girl like that too..now stop asking me where is my girlfriend k!!i'm looking for her too!!gees....

What is your mortal enemy's theme song? *er...which loser is that again?*

Song: Where fishes go..Comment: yea..that dude got a fetish to throw ppl into sea to be fish bait..somewhat pirateish u know..

What is your personality like? *where can i begin..*

Song: Because i Love you..Comment: haha..listen to that song n u'll know..

What song will be played at your wedding? *the wedding march song??or we can go groovy!!*

Song: You're the one..Comment: this is from hillsongs btw..but YEA..U R THE ONE..thats y i show u the shiny stone and ask would you marry me..i'll make u happy..i'll love you forever..ever!!

*phew*..finally!!I'm gonna sleep..its quite fun really!!nights!!

%$#end of post#$%~

it's now or never

2008-07-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

let's welcome my new pet-niece!!congrats ye tsun and robert for their baby girl..i'm not too sure whether they changed the name or its spelling so i shouldn't disclose it..but oh wells!! *clap clap*

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

on the other hand..this is a song called "Find Yourself" from Brad Paisley..

************************************************************************************
When you find yourself in some far off place
and it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself...

When you make new friends in a brand new town
and you start to think about settling down
The things that would have been lost on you are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through lifeso sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

We you go through life
so sure of where we're headed
And we wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself.

************************************************************************************

ahem ahem..i hav an announcement to make..i'm leaving for UK this sunday for 1 month..so i'll be back on 13/14th of August (leaving on 13, reaching on 14 on both months)..

i have been thinking..that i needed a holiday..a getaway from all the arrows and darts that life have been throwing on me..of course, there has been good times but there also have been not-so-good times..so i thought by big break will be coming this holiday n i really meant to go all out to enjoy and go crazy over UK by traveling and what-nots..to enjoy, to rejuvenate and to relax..over paris, over rome, over the swiss alps..

however, my God has a way of creating my brain n my senses..one of my principles in doing decision making is always that if i don't feel peace when i decide on certain things, i'll know that it isnt God's plan for me..n this principle has worked over time but still, being as stubborn as i can be sometimes, i'd go ahead and get myself hurt..

so, i hereby announce that this trip will be solely on soul searching for me, i won't be traveling around UK too much, mainly only in England/London..going too many places can be exhausting and counterproductive when a person is on the verge of breaking down (long n private stories)..u can b easily blinded by the colours of the world that u forgot wats your own colour..

i just wanna start getting things right..my perspective, my thoughts, principles, priorities, life etc..i know i know, i could do this over genting in M'sia right?..but the matter of the fact is i can't..or at least not now i can't..thus, i have to do it in London before its too late to gather myself up again..it has been too long..11 months..since i have a time to breathe n think..

hehe..come on, i'm spending over so many k's just to do soul searching when i can do it over a couple of hundred here..well..i think i need it. period.. in fact, if i really got myself clear, i wanna start heading towards it..who knows, i may bummed into something n i could change things from now on..i may then get rich so traveling the world is no longer impossible, right?

i always think..u know biographies..the ones that people write about themselves and wise thoughts and words come out from them..principles they live by and priorities they set seems to have been there or set since young..though i doubt that they actually make it up along the way..but getting things right is important..at least now that i'm approaching 21..

to retreat, where i can solely be on myself to search my soul, my spirit and getting a graps at where your r headin, isn't easy..i need to face everything..especially when you are alone..but its needful..i'm pulling myself out of alot of systems like studies, routines, church n activities so i can do this and do it properly..

the song above is frm the movie "cars", played at the end credits..there is too much to clear out from the bunk in my head..n its now or never..

hoping for the best people!!may this trip be a turning point..if not, an acceleration point to my purpose in life..

#end of post#

30 June 2008

2008-06-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

hmm..getting a lil bored..but thank God it's because i din take Dr F's class..

apparently those Mr F and Dr F makes really bad lecturers..ill remind myself and avoid lecturers with F's in their name in future just in case..

hmm..in terms of studies i'm making progress..studied a lil, forming my thesis by parts..preparing myself for exam..yes..its singular as i'm only taking one subject this sem XD..

hmm..summor..life's quite plain ler..guitar also okok lo..getting more advance liao..play until wanna cry cos finger gonna slide far and hard..but good la..getting better..
church?..ok also kwa..nothing much is happening in youth alpha..hope its over soon..oh..next week last YA lesson..*yes*..

gym??i'm gona be inactive member for july and august cos of my UK trip so i cant go starting tomorrow but i can go after i'm back n they'll charge by days..weird system..so i gotta do soe home, simple exercises or all the effort will go down the drain *again*..so yea..gonna keep it or loose it..

thoughts?..hmm..nothing much also..i went counseling..apparently my intern counselor sees me as psychologically healthy person, like self-actualizing stage liao..though i'm still quite concern about other things but my metality now is what come what may and i'll deal my best cards anyway..but i think i did good by not traumatizing her la..haha..

friends??ok la..those in Uni r suffering because of Dr F..those outside..r coming back malaysia soon..so wanna meet up with them leh..but..studying studying..see la..lazy to plan :p..cant we all just get together n talk till the sky changes colour..

hmm..yea..thats all ler..really nothing much is happening..just have been living plainly for these few days..

boring days~

)end of post(

my new love..

2008-06-16T23:49:00.001-07:00

this is wat we get when we combine state of the art ART and state of the art Technology!!OMG..

its a visionary model called BMW GINA Light...its material is really really COOL!!OMG again..

the outer skin as made of textile fabric that fulls around the whole metal frame and carbon fiber wire..so its like a suit for the car..like batman's wings like that..

the underneath skeleton is controlled by electro-hydraulic device that moves around and change shape beneath the skin..thus when it scissors door open, the skin wrinkles up but when let down..it becomes smooth again..again..like batman!!

*wrinkles up*

the whole car is only made of four piece of this fabric at various parts..

arent u drooling edi??

better still..check out the car light!!

omg..where's the light??driving without lights?

see the powderful evolution~

OMG!!

same with the backlight!!its like a beast opening eyes!!the backlight is using the same material..apparently its semi transparent~

i can die a happy death now..NOT..look summor!!

the boot/exhaust area..

the interior...

waliau....cannot tahan!!too nice to resist!!better than ferrari lo!!it has the word "future" printing all over it!!craziness!!

hehe..hope u guys enjoy it..google it if u wanna know more about the materials n design..really worth a look!!

#end of post#

28th May

2008-05-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

fulamak..eye super pain.. >.<..dunno y..n i dun hav eyemor..T.T..but i did some reading for my thesis *finally* XD..be proud of me!!

n yea..it has been 20 days since i last blog..time is seriously running really fast these days..before i know it, half a day is gone..grr..weird..i think i'm living in alternate timezone where time runs faster..or that i'm getting more dull or slow..

hmm..life is..good so far a compared to the first half of the year where i felt totally crippled..nowadays better lo..not so crippled..so life is much more interesting..

so yes..i went gym n pick up guitar again..*finally*..i tell u..its really weird n wonderful when u get to pick up your guitar after a LONG long time..so i picked it up one fine day n stared at my music score..for about 3 minutes..blank..then..slowly move my finger and my finger moves itself to the various notes and i played the song again..after 4 months..hehe..the power of muscle memory..

n then i went gym..getting positive results so far..looking a lil better, feeling a lil less..erm..lousy..

but it makes u think..for me, for a moment during this two weeks i felt life cheated on me..like seriously cheats me of my "intended destiny"..

think about it..its like..your life is running well..then things just happened n your life is unable to continue the way it was n most of the time, the changes sux..its right to say that we r beings of habits..some good habits and others not so..but so hav issues attacking us out of the normal route can be downright rude at times..

for me, i thought my life could have been much much better if i knew earlier..*i can distinctively remember mingzi always say got if knew early then no regrets later*..for example, i could have gotten the same result or even a better one with my physique 3 months ago if i wasnt crippled and by now, i could have been better..but..u know..u just feel cheated..u hav to work hard now because of something that happened..

now..all the IF's and regrets..
1) if only i continue with my atlethic nature when i was 8 and 9..i won medals before but then because there isn't much reinforcement from parents and teachers makes me loose interest in sports..or even when i was 13..i did well in swimming..but because its hard to aways go to a club that isnt too near, the habit didn't last..i scored A in my frog style and was doing so well but without much reinforcement alot of efforts from teachers can be wasted..i could hav looked so much more atlethic now..i was summor offered to play basketball and volleyball in highschool which i rejected because i was feeling too shy by then..

2) if only i was pushed to study when i was young then i would hav become a book smart and more discipline as a student..i was top scorer when i was standard one thanks to my very good kindergarten teachings but when standard one, the teachers were very boring and scary and i lost interest in studies..i rather read story books and play games..

3) if only i started learning music when i was young then now i would have know so much more..my mom pushed my sis to learn piano but i dunno y that my parents is always not so pushy on me..they barely asked, let alone push..

4) if only i discovered ninjutsu early or that if only i didnt hurt my finger..i was advancing so well..now...very hard to pick it up liao..feeling very bad about it..mayb ill giv it a visit some day..my finger is not up to damage or any form of impact..

5) if only i was born in a different family which my then parents would know how to bring up their kids..know when to give a push and when to encourage..know how to show love and appreciation..understanding and praising..i would have tapped into more of my talents and interests earlier in life and by now..i would have been a different person..

sigh..all the if onlys..but i learn something from my counseling sessions..that all these shape the person i am today..though its nothing much to be proud of..but all these wat ifs and self-consciousness only makes me want to improve myself in every means possible..

i would have become a totally different person IF i fulfilled all my wat ifs..but the big question is so what..so what if i were supposedly to be more atlethic, cant i continue to work on it now?it is harder and takes a longer time..but u can, and u want it then just do it..

so what if i became the really book smart and musically talented and all the positive attributes and values in life that could have been cultivated when i was younger?so wat if i were more perfect than i am now?can i not do something about it? is it too late? nothing can be done?

of course..in life..there are things that cannot possibly be undone or restart and, or that u get the same result when u start late..but all this only make me a more conscious man..a man who would then know how to appriciate others' gifts, man who is more sensitive to how a person may feel, being trapped and wanting to be involved in something bigger..a man who can easily give up various things because he feels that he is nothing to begin with but with every effort, he can move and better himself..

i watched oprah yesterday and it was talking about autism..about how family falls into peril because their kids become autistic along the way..thats because in some autistic cases, the kids become autistic after a while, they develop normally, being baby, cute, and babbling and all..but like when they r two, getting their immune shots and also after experiencing sickness they become autistic..imagine how much u could feel..i would have felt soo cheated..so angry and so mad at everything..because u r expecting and having something good but it was taken away from u..n now u gotta deal with the mess..but many of them didnt abandon their kids..they just continue life, living..trying to make everything better..

still its a very strange thing i cannot comprehend..i would have given up..i may have abandon post..but these ppl..though may not be as perfect when they r dealing with autistic kids, tried..n thats the most important thing in life..to try..

i've learnt to continue trying to make better living experience for myself and those around me..

oOend of postOo

dududu

2008-05-08T07:15:00.000-07:00

wassup..i'm on holiday-sup..though its ending tomorrow edi :P..but..i had a really lazy time..reallly...lazing around..catching up on games..nyaknyak..relax a lil..

hehe..feeling very random at this moment..so here goes..

u know different ppl hav different ways of doing assignment??like some ppl do very late and others start early n stuff..so i came up with 3 categorization for "Assignment Doing Style"..

1) *drum rolls* first, we hav...the BUTTERFLY..this is when a person takes time to understand the material, the requirement and also did a lil bit of research BUT never start on writing the assignment..they need time to go through and process like caterpillar eating leafs but not flying and then turning into a cocoon, digesting the materials and planning on writing the assignmnet, then oni they'll start writing like a butterfly breaking free..

2) *more drum rolls* now, we have the BAMBOO..its a total opposite of butterfly style..these ppl just do wat they can from the beginning..they just research and write and research and write until they hav the final product..requires alot of determination and the assignment seems unplanned and needs constant or one final rearrangement..its like a bamboo, just grow stage by stage..

3) *electric guitar now*..n now..we hav the GOKU style..this is like the craziest of them all..it takes the form of a monkey exploding from the rocks..so the son goku ppl always leave things to the last minute and they just sit and wish all the creativity and stuff will just explode forward as they work..usually the last minute workers that work long hours in the last minute..

yes..there u hav it..the 3 assignment doing style of what i've observed in my 4 years of uni life..

i think i'm more to the butterfly..i like to know my material before hand but rarely start straight away..i prefer forming logical sequences in my mind before putting down in words..but it gets really dangerous when i start late..then i'll be forcing to work like son goku..explode at one go..n it aint a pretty sight..

oh wells..end of randomness..byebye..hope u r entertained *.*

^end of post^

1st May

2008-05-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

ah..blogging again..again at a really weird timing..

i have assignment to pass up tomorrow..3000 words HRDevelopment assignment..i just reached 800 words n the night is still young..hehe..plan to finish till at least 2500 by tonight ler..so relaxxxx...

i think this relaxing thing is getting into me..holiday was since last monday and it took me so many days to actually start assignment..a lil slow la..but i cant help it..haven had a holiday for so so so looong....so oh wells..dun judge me..i'll judge myself n let God judge me..hehe..

erm..wats new of mike chang..well..yesterday is a day to remember because i went gym..finally after 3 months of stupidity i went..yes..the story is so ridiculous i feel like an idiot..

u see..remember my fruity-wrapped up hand??well..i still went to see him until the second last week of april n i thought that i'm so gonna heal..cos like it's a bloody huge freaking HUGE sacrifice la wearing the fruit wrapper and cant shower properly, hand in assignment late cos i type like 8 fingered giraffe, cant go gym...etc..so YES..i was confident that it WILL HEAL..(God help me)..

BUT..it didnt..i still feel the vein not in its place..so i went back to the place i went earlier..n look for the master of the place..n wat he said left me dumbfounded...after he check check n press press..he said my vein is out of its place because there's a small tendon that holds the vein broke usually upon impact..however, i cant fully bend the finger is because of a trigger underneath my thumb..that was bruised so it doesn't lock properly..

so i went for another 4 session n it's now ok..ok means i can move it more freely..the vein is still outside n it cant be fixed..if i wan it to be fixed, i have to look for cosmetic surgeons but there is no need ler..it doesnt affect anything..but then i believe the fruit-wrapping doctor was trying to get my vein in place because i kept complaining about it..i mean he did heal me abit but he didn't focus on the trigger thats y it took so bloody long...zzzz..idiot...

so yeas..i spend ridiculous money n felt stupid that it took me so long..good thing i finally can see the master doctor..if not then dunno wait until when..he is usually booked till 2 weeks later one..so good thing i was on waiting list n it got me in..

so yes ppl, i finger is OFFICIALLY fine..

thats all for now..gonna do work n AI is later..yays..

ooEnd of Postoo

April 15th

2008-04-14T20:36:00.000-07:00

"Home" Mr Bubble *winks*
Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two "I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
I still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I've had my run Baby,
I'm done I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
###################################################################

it feels so far away from "home", my paradise, my heaven, a place of peace..

###################################################################

random events..

1)tomorro got exam!!n also on thursday..i hav no single idea wats going to happen to me..study seems to be the last thing on my mind..

2)yesterday i was so fed up with myself that i took my keys, grabbed my handphone, got my sports shoes and i ran out of the house at 7pm where everyone else is having dinner..i ran n ran n ran fo half an hour..

it feels really good to sweat again after 2 months..recommend it to anyone who has not exercise or wanna reduce stress..

3) now i weigh 63kg..n i see a huge piece of crap in the mirror..63kg worth of fats..this may have contributed to my impulsiveness to run out of the house..it isnt a good sight..not to me at least..

4)talking about sweat..my car went to service yesterday n since i was alone at home n the service center doesnt have enough workers, they need me to help send their worker back..so came a guy..erm..typical car service center guy..maybe a little more rounded and less of the machoness as he looks like he is in his early 40's..

so then i just hop into the car n he drove it back to the center..n his...aroma...attacked my olfactory nerves...OMFG...it was like 3 days worth of sweat..like dry off then sweat then dry off then sweat..oh merciful...it wasnt that bad in the first 2 minutes..n the next 3 minutes was hell..good thing i was a swimmer and can hold my breathe for some time or i would have died..

it was so smelly that i have to open window when i drive and also blast the aircon at myself..today when i check..some trace of smell is still there..T.T..shits..so i just took my green tea toilette and spray all over the seat..FREAKS!!CRAP..y cant they send someone who isnt that smelly..mayb most of them r anyway..zzz...

but that was really really bad..i nvr had such hard time..it ATTACKS your brain with that smell n it make u feel dirty too..gosh..nvr come across any guy so smelly..this is major BO issue..MAJOR..next time i would notify them to send someone more pleasant smelling..nvr could i imagine any ppl smell that badly..God..n worst still..it stays in your seat!!damn..

thats all for now..all the best for those taking exams..

*end of post*

Life's like this..

2008-03-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

now is 26th March, 10 pm..

i hav 3 datelines, 4 if i include this sat's presentation..one this fri (HRM), next mon (Counselling) and also next wed (Cog lab report)..but i cant seems to concentrate though i hav ample amount of time (it seems)..trying hard to do something but i cant bring myself to it..

sadly..my hand is still wrapped up..y??cos it haven heal..*long sigh*..i really really want life to go back to normal where i can work hard without having second and third thoughts about my physical wellbeing..it seems so hard..mayb i dun hav the right mentality that just because i sprain my thumb and had to reduce the use of my left hand, my brain also somehow refuse to work..i cant imagine how can those ppl who r without legs and hands can be so inspiring..there is so much life in them..shame on me..

so much happened within this past weeks..i was confronted 3 times by ppl close to me on different occasion and for different reasons..i confronted myself in another occasion..i was scolded by a parent for no apparent reason at all..my mood reached a new place that i nvr visited before..its not low, as in sad or angry cos i know some reasons for those moments and i cant claim all of it is my fault..its just a lot of pile ups and misunderstandings..if i were to claim all faults of the occasion then i would hav died of shame but i cant..though i *think* successfully defended myself but it left me badly scarred because each of the confrontation carries a deadly hurtful msg..though these ppl did it in the name of love and righteousness, i dont blame them..things need clarification n all..but still..its hard..

yes..so i feel..somewhat empty..i dun quite know who do i smile for these days..my prayers are sounding quite desperate for myself..its crippling me as a person and it's eating up my personhood..

things just feels misplaced..dont u hav the feeling while u r living, u just feels things are right??like at one moment, u just KNEW that u r at the right place, doing the right thing, somewhat self-actualizing and hav a transcendend moment of yourself??n u feel like u r living a purposeful life??i feel it on different occasions..when a friend console in me..right before i close my eyes to a slumber sleep..when im walking towards somewhere..when i'm seeing a picture or scenery..when i'm leading a bunch of youths and they achieved wat they could and give me the smiles..

but nowadays, its not there..one day, i was walking towards uni and i just stopped mid track and i feel..actively feel the surroundings..but it just doesnt feel right..something is missing..i felt so lost that day n was scared..scared i'm out of the will of God, of abandonment and was misguided somewhere along the way n i hav officially lost my path..it is a horrible horrible feeling..n i dig deep into my heart but i found nothing..nothing that i could console myself with at the moment..n the next thing i know, i was bombarded by all the confrontations..

but i dig deep and found nothing..i know i couldnt stop..things need to move on..whether or not my heart is breaking and my world is falling apart..i could only hold on to one mental picture that i saw 5 years ago n nothing else..but the emptiness is always like a blackhole..sucking things in..happiness, concentration, consciousness, mental energy...

i become envious of ppl who hav more..physically, financially, giftedness, experiences, love, joy..it latches on to me and empty me from the inside..i darn well know my own giftings when it comes to personhood and also things that i cant change YET..but these just overwhelms u at times like this..feeling of inequality..but i am aware where is this feeling leading me to...to jealousy, anger, n hate..the dark side..so in order to numb myself from feeling this further..u can oni do things that help u pass time..hoping that as time pass, u can somehow..stumble into the right path again..

as i write this..its still a struggle..i hope the future me can read it again can somehow realise how stupid i've been till i reached such sad state of affair..its almost the end of march of 2008..life have nvr passed quicker..

i still dont know what i should do to get back on track..everything that i'm NOT doing seems pretty attractive now..getting a gf, looking for a job (part time or full time), ditching church and mia for a month, hang out instead of doing assignments, purposely mess up my upcoming presentation, sit lifelessly in from of tv, borrowing all kind of tv series (heroes n housewifes), organizing my laptop, shout at a few person that i could blame that made my life so miserable, blame God and forsake His grace, fail a few papers and just fly to greece and help pick up rubbish for the rest of my life..

i've waited..i guess ill wait summor till this thumb of my FULLY recover..mayb life will be different then..but now..ill just bear with it..n live it..until mayb someone can wake me up from my perceived fallen world..

>end of post<

David Archuleta!!

2008-02-29T05:12:00.000-08:00

omgoodness...go hear him sing..David Archuleta..one of top 20 american idols so far!!

go youtube!!he is unbelievable..n i think it would be totally great to hear him sing another song..just another song..

he is so young..17!!born 28th december 1990 (it was on one of the youtuber's details about the vid)..(december baby!!) he has such powerful voice and such a kind and polite soul..so unreal and yet so real..his soul is so strong and powerful that people can feel it..he looks really fine and there is jut an attraction to wan to know him...likeable..

its not about the gift anymore, he has the voice..its about the projection of his soul..u can feel it when u hear it..it just comes through his voice..n that makes a really powerful force..he make mistakes once in a while but if u look closer at the judges, they r already blown away..take close look at simon cowell when david sings, i respect simon's judgment no matter how cruel it sounds..n he can see the it factor in this boy..it shows how powerful is this youngman, live!!

i think he is just totally adorable!!such a polite and nice boy!!mature to handle stressful situation, and nvr forget to say thank you's..n he is so focus on things..he is not there for fun..he wants to make it..i wan him to make it!!

totally taken away by his performance n personhood..ahh...it just feels so good to see a person like this rising to the top!!becoming all that they could possibly achieve in such young age..

how i wish that i could meet him one day..then i just wanna talk to him and be friends..its rare to see such people these days..hope he make it HUGE!!i'll buy all his cds!!

by now i would assume that u would go watch him perform..almost magical right?

*end of post*

FUMES

2008-02-29T03:14:00.000-08:00

so..one fine day..i was surfing in the virtual world n thought of checking my now-not-often-updating-much petsis's blog and i was bored-ly scroll through and i saw some interesting comments about our dear friend colorwolf commenting about someone was jealous because he nvr get laid so i scrolled down summor and i saw a person by the name of "sam" (latter changed)..since sam is a name for both the sexes so i shall, with respect (as much as i could for a prick like that), call that feller "IT"..

so, "IT" was commenting that my petsis slept with her boyfriend after 6 months and then IT claims that he know why is she pregnant at 20, then continued by saying my petsis is blardy poor and depends on extended family to help take care the unborn baby..

so then one other 'sam' came in and make a disclaimer (in case petsis misunderstood who's comment was it i think).. with quite some strong words asking that IT to go kill ITself and backoff and next was colorwolf's comment..

then, IT changed from sam to >_<..(so blardy lame and juvenile-li nerdish)..n IT says that IT has nothing againts my petsis but do not see a point of bringing a child into te word when both parents cant take care of themselves.. n ended with "poor kid" refering to my future pet-newphew/niece-to-be..

then dear friend colorwolf continue by saying that the extended family could very well be supportive whether in terms of their time or financial assisstance.. n thus meaning no 'poor-ness" will be dealt to that kid..

then this >_<>

this is when i got furious (unusualy of me), and got angry so i replied "Ei, back off sam, we hav our own morals and decisions in life and this (refering to my petsis's) aint your life. so its either u shove the rest of the negative comments up your ass or i'm gonna do it for u n make sureu get pregnant whether u r samson or sammie (IT)..hack, mayb u r not even old enough to hav hair around your pits cos u r still so immature and hadn't learn the word 'respect'. if then so, i wouldn't wanna touch u cos my morals aint pedophilic enough to even consider u (summor a IT, see how dangerous is that)..so go learn some new phrase would u? u can start with 'loser', i think it gives u a sense of identity (not to mention achievement)..

then IT turns back to >_<>

by now, i think IT has lost it..I, mikie, didn't do anything u idiot (IQ <60>

so then a stranger came in and asked us to get a breast..how random..so i ask from the stranger for one so that i can shove it into that IT's head, where the brain should be..

then IT comes back and try to play the big bully and says "awww, what an immature response. I don't mind, i like this (dumb) emoticon of mine. If thats the best response u can come up with. you and your bestfriend should just go where sun dun shine (aka Hell) (trying to be spiritual and condemns us now) cause there's where u and your bestfriend belong with your lame morals" and shows off IT's lame emoticon again in protest..

omgoodness..i think i met (not face to face but virtually) and idiot!!how cool is that..n he asked me to go hell..i dun think he know who is he talking to..I am a proud CGL of a humble church in Malaysia, its really watever if u dun care but i think God doesn't care where i'm from more than how i live my life.. i really dun think IT is getting any points at all..first, IT thinks i did a mistake which is nonexistential then IT ask me go hell because of IT's perception of my response, which wasnt aimed towards IT aka self-righteous ass, like huh??wats the connection??

i think i totally zhong guai (bumped into ghost)..

few things i've gain from this..

first, Heaven do not take in self-righteous ppl, ill be waitin for the day when the iron scepter falls upon your shoulder and pity you for being so self-righteous in the first place..Jesus said lets not judge unless we want to be judged..so nope, dun think i'm heading down under..my years of connecting to God and seeing other religion, i've met alot of blur people not knowing wat they r believing and how to tap into their faith..lets see..wat i've learnt from Bible is to hate sin but love sinners..ill love my petsis..she did wat wasn't right in God's eye but she didn't cover it up..it took such courage of a girl/human to take on it..her act didn't match my faith but i'd giv her all my supports cos it's not the time to abandon a FRIEND..if u r so righteous, u think u can take a bullet for your friend? u think u r able to lead and impact the people around u? u think u helped the poor and made your loved one smiles? u think u can live and make a difference instead of hiding behind a computer screen and hop around websites and judge people for wat u do not know? it's an act of cowardice and dumbass-ness..mayb u r just a geek who's gonna hack me later and get your revenge..grow out of losers-ville will u..sharpen your brain..if u hav one..

second, i've tried my best to teach this IT a lesson of respect..i think in this case, no matter wat was done the consquences was fully taken upon by my petsis and her fiance and WITH the support of BOTH the extended family..and i do not see a complain from their families, wat more u, an unknown person, who knows nothing about the families, nothing about how much the fiance loves her, who knows not what was in her mind when she decided to take this responsibility than to abandon it when she discovers it..i mean who knows the future..hack, u dun even know how much they hav and judged that the kid will not supported as if to die on streets.. pfft..i know one thing..they did not turned away from it and they are taking the responsibilty than to do an abortion..which i giv my utmost respect to..n if they cant support it, they r well loved and they will work it through to giv the best to the kid..thats wat i know of my petsis..the love SHALL be sufficient to raise up a kid..mayb (just mayb) not as priviledged but definately a better person..

third, at least i'm bold enough to use my name, or pen name, this feller..serious amature in his argument..lame ass weak..IT dun even know wat hit IT and just continue with the fight..like..freaks..so i dun think i should post it at the chatbox anymore in case it overloads and the IT thinks that IT won or something..mayb it helps with ITs self-esteem..pss, dun think i'm trying to win but just wanting to try n clear the chatbox of such idiots..apparently i failed even with a good argument..like i say to one of my friend, dun fight with a loser, u'll look like one and win like one..sore..but fight with a winner with a winner's spirit and u'll come out shinning, together with your opponent..apparently its not happening there..so no point..like i said to yips, i think i banged into dirty things..

so..yea..she is my petsis..i believe she can take it..wat i could do is very little and if i continue to help her fend off a loser like that, i woud be belittling her..so its ok..watever IT..get a life..

#end of post#

bachelor for life, my "best friend" n exams..

2008-02-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

hehe..basically..so many limitation..
1)time..i think my time management is like......terrible..so much discipline that i don't hav..i know of a person who can wake up at 6 no matter wat..when i was with her in cambodia, she is there...up at 6...n doing her quiet time..no matter how late she slept the night before..waliau...respect lo..one of my new year resolution is to wake up at 7...n nope..i still cant do it..sigh...at most i can oni do it when there is a NEED, not just a mere want..sigh..alarm's effect on me i diminishing..n thus, i dun even hav time for myself, how can i hav time for a gf..

2)financial..haha..i dun think its good to tell of my allowance to residence of virtual world..but it's actually quite below average..not that i'm complaining (i live on meeting ends n it meets k) but to get a gf (at least now) means i gotta spend alot more..mayb my idea of love and romance has alot to do with gifts..but even though not buying gifts, spending time also need money most of the time (makan, jalan, minum)..n imagine your bf cant get anything for all extra special days..its not really fair for me to my gf lo then..so see other ppl being more able to provide or to give..its one of the major discouraging factors..oh..n dun think i dunwan an increment in allowance but economy isnt running well u see..so nope..

3)the ONE..i think it's very hard to get the ONE one lo..i once thought a girl was but it wasn't..too many factors in humanity that just scares u on its unreliability..though i've seen many many nice girls but most of the time its always "lets just be friends"..hehe..not like psychology dun hav good girls right??lots of them are really nice ppl..hmm..mayb its just me..

4)Myself..i think i sometimes suffer from bachelorism..n i'm actually getting comfortable being one..so..hehe..sometimes i just dun see the need to go through all the trouble though life over the fence is attractive but as of now..i just dun plan to risk it u see..its very hard for someone who throws n puts in the heart so easily to get involved over and over again..not like girls dun hint ovr these years (terrible right, so stiff until girls need to hint) n not like i dun hav a chance (i think i fair quite well though i hav so many limitation..hehe..at least i can make u smile/laugh *winks*)..but its really hard to come out of it..i'm still at the heart like still water stage..dun need one so soon..

5)last but not least, of the most importance..the girl MUST be christian (bryan, i did it..n mel, mayb thats y i hold back..i could hav..but i couldnt..)..there is just no other way..its THE most important criteria and its often not met..therefore i couldnt possibly go forward..i put n invest so much of my life into this religion of mine and i just couldn't imagine my gf not supporting or getting involve in this as well because its the best thing that happened in my life when i met Him up in the mountain on that faithful day..n if my gf couldnt possibly understand this part n accept this part, then it'll be like owning me but only one small part of me..cos if u dun know/dun understand, u can nvr understand the "why's" of michael chang n the relationship just couldn't be complete..

thus..hehe..i wun make advertisment of myself..i hav enough trouble la..n i'm not rushing..all the best for those who r at the other side of the fence..hope that i might join u all one day..but bachelor doesnt sound half terrible for one like me right now :)..

n of my bestfriend...it was a disappointment..but i decided not to blog about it..still my buddy no matter how dumb he can be and inconsiderate of the situation i'm in..sigh..

hehe..on the other note..i think i did quite well in the exams..results r not all out..304 is out..it was an improvement though not flying colors which was wat i was expecting memorizing so so much..but i'm fine with it..cos i'm gonna worked hard n prayed..

oh..two funny thing..it was at this faithful day last saturday..

one..i was with nat n daniel in lvl 9 at around 1020 cos we thought the exam was there and i came there telling her that "i feel very blur now, i see so many alphabets in my head but no meaning to it..its just floating around"..so then we just continued studying and i showed her how i memorize which is using abbreviation..alot of them for watever thats before us..n by 1120 in lvl 7..nat was looking at me with this bewildered face and a almost constipatinh face and said "wa..now i see wat u mean..i also see so many alphabets!!hehe, thats wat u get when u study with mike!!"..

haha..yeap..thats how i study!!..we just torture each other with list of alphabets until Tiffany was giving this weird look cos i was encoding "creativity" in the results of being a existential person into my LTM..n my hand was poking at my brain n i was mumbling "C..C..C...Creativity!!" and i make some funny motion with my hands symbolizing creativity..Lol :P..multimode of encoding ma..got visual, accoustic, sematic and kinetic summor!!not bad eh..

twp..hehe..so..at lvl 7, there is also this mock court thingy happening where the law students was there pretending they r going to court and presenting their cases n stuff..so then they r wearing suits and ties and look super smart..quite nerd though..n they were standing close observing us..cos we look quite hot and beautiful..

anyway..but still...on the floor was a bunch of wannabe psychologist (esp/eg: me)..wearing 3/4 shorts and normal T's..mumbling alphabets and flinging my hands around n shouting "BYE-AI-AI-AI-AI-GENIE!!"..with namely, Yips, Fung Min, Daniel and Nat..who recited with exciment because we finally found the way to remember the longest of alphabet sequence which represents "B-A-I-I-I-I-G-E"..can guess wats that??..it's erikson's psychosocial stages!!hahahaha..super cool right?Genie!!

so yea..they, wearing formal n all, were staring at us, crazy psychologists/wannabes..but wat to do, as i told Nat, psychologist (refering to myself) like that one la..they'll behave abnormally understress n behind closed doors (some like me will do so in open space) but look all normal before their subject/client or mayb even during prsentation..hehe..agree??

#end of post#

sigh...

2008-02-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

i think i'm so doomed as bachelor for life!!

woop-de-doo..

dun ask y!!

mayb ill blog about it soon..

counseling is killing me!!..i meant the subject..

i hate the textbook..sometimes i really think that textbook writers gotta hav some skill..like biopsych textbook is actually quite fun to read though he may be lame at times but information gets in..just that our dear lecturer set too high a standard for her exams..

this counseling textbook hav got nothing but words words...n more words..crap..its becomes like "bla bla bla, bla bla"..torturing la..i wan pictures..it doesnt even hav diagram.. T.T..wat nonsense is this..u r set our to kill aspiring counselor meh..

oh..n i'm really angry at my now so-called best friend..who is in UK..bloody hell him..another day peps..i'm gonna strangle him n make sure he turns blue!!i need a new best friend!!anyone up for the post?? :p..its like a job!!send me resume la..

mm..since i cant study anymore..mayb i should blog about my "best friend"..or not...too much factors involved..gonna blog after my exam..wish me the best peps!!i need it!!

*end of post* continuing the two stories on sunday la~

My Precious..

2008-02-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

my NOTES!!
all gone T.T...
if i could remember it i wouldn't need my notes lo....its a reminder so that i can clear some space in my head which is so crowed these days..i cant think straight n now that my reminder is lost..i'm DOOMED...like "kaplat"..die..drop from top of KLCC..

ah..n y is it lost?cos i borrowed my laptop to my dad..=.=..apparently a bad choice..still Mongkay 2008 says 'since he gave you of course he can take la'..zzz..take my life away aint fun..dah la i so stressed nowadays...pfft..

on the other note...
so much to study..i no mood liao..no mood to do things..i need motivaton..

ppl is getting ahead!!

darn u..i shall get back to study..(without true motivation)

no fuel la...takda petrol station...

uhh..i'm gonna be a pet uncle..how cool is that right..nyaknyak..

lets corrupt the minds of the little ones..just like a good and zealous psychologist would do..bwahaha..imagine all those heartless psychologist who does funny things to their child..like the sad case "little albert"..sad..

i feel my head is swimming abit..my toes are quite insensitive..i shall go for breakfast!!see u..

(end of post)

0042 16th Feb

2008-02-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

just send jon sen and grace off..
take care n enjoy u two!!enjoyed your company in my uni years much!!

sigh....i realise im sighing alot these days...feeling some needs are not met..some parts of me undiscovered..some things about me that are not right and i wonder will it ever be right..n wats "right"..and "wrong".. just so much tension that makes me frustrated..its just so hard..

i really cant concentrate these days..getting days by..my thoughts are all messed up and so is my biological clock..

so much concerns..so much restriction...so much hope..so little faith..i'm scared that i'm doomed for the worst in life right now..

on the other note..hehehe...i think i'm going crazy...

ps: again..melong..shuddup..

CNY n Valentines

2008-02-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

hehehe...i think i fat chin hon these days..

but strangely i haven open all my ang paos yet..waiting until.......after midterms first ler..T.T..i think im barely functioning anymore..just getting by..

valentines....just another day...when will the special someone comes into my life??

Ps..melong, shuudup!!

Feb-uary

2008-02-01T04:59:00.000-08:00

yea baby..lets enter the month of love!!lets write everything in pink shall we?

don't feel the love??

no??not from here??

yea..neither do i..

haha..

frankly i nvr celebrated valentine's before*i hear gasping*..haha..yea..so valentine isnt my thing la..spending so much money and since i'm like so broke...very the broke..valentine's isn't the best event of the year ler.. :(..so yeap...sad..

erm..thinking of that..haiz..i think this year also spend alone ler...or i shall spend time with the single sticks around?? let's make announcement then:

"Batang batang sekalian yang tunggal atau girlfriend anda terdapat di tanah yang jauh seperti dekat tanah berbulu merah tu, let's get wild and wasted!!erm...try not to get laid la..later kena std then cannot explain to future or current girlfriend"end of announcement..

valentine valentine..everyday also can be valentine lo hor.. XD cheapskate thinking..learnt it from the "oh!!valentine is like Christmas for lover"..*chokes*..

how now??i feel very odd!!spending my 20th valentine alone..though i'm not entirely sure that i spend it alone when i was a baby..mayb i hit on a baby girl next to my nursery bed when i'm few months old but hack!!i'm 20!!n single..woohoo...syok sendiri is quite pathetic now.. T.T..ohh..pink tears..

tsktsktsk..i should so totally hit a girl..oh i mean hit on a girl..n fall in love..or into love??zzz..english language is confusing..

*hums*where is the love??WHERE??i dunwan to stay single for the rest of my life...but i can wait XD..erm..until i can wait no more..i think..

haha..quote of the month "i saw your face so red, it makes my heart pumps faster"..

share some love ler *winks*..love u all loads since i hav so much to spare :P..hav fun u all couples..!!yang tunggal or girlfriend not with u...hehehe..let me know your plans!!

+lovey dovey end of the post+

how cute

2008-01-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

haha..how cute...but i once had a dream of hurling fireball down the lane to, erm, zombie i think, or something else, i forgot..it was super cool feeling..like your hands are warm and glowing then u jut throwing it like baseball..

haha..i think i played too much game thats y..however, i do have a liking towards choosing the mage in games, cos not only the effects is cool, i also like being out of the ring of war when i'm fighting but the fact is i am fighting and blasting u with all that i've got when u r still far away.. *winks*..

my favourite dota hero so far is still the slayer..haha..the rapid firing gives u the satisfaction to see your opponents trying to run away..ahh..

27012008

2008-01-27T04:50:00.000-08:00

Lonesome night..

I missed my friends..

But life goes on..

I'm weak..

very weak..

My poor finger..

2008-01-24T00:30:00.000-08:00

long long time ago...

i twisted my finger...

then..

i didn't care..cos it healed after a while..

it twisted again..

n

again...

n again...

i seeked help..at JunX*..

they charge 40+bucks for tuina (push take), a type of chinese physiotheraphy..

i went 6 times..no improvement but it burnt a minor hole in my parent's wallet..

so i discontinued treatment..

it was so long ago that my finger was great and i can bend it at will for 180 degree..but now my left thumb cannot go beyond 110 degree..

n it get hurts easily at certain position and if i hit it againts something..

like my last ninjutsu lesson..we were sparring..eugene charged at me, i blocked the leg but my thumb wasnt positioned properly..i almost shouted a curse when i felt the pain..after the block i was drenched in cold sweat..

i thought i could never go for lessons again..since that Junx* cannot heal me..

they take 25 min each session to rub n rub and do accupuncture on me..super painful lo..4 needles poking at your thumb area...walau...worst part is it didn't heal..not even a bit...

today..i went to another chinese physiotherapist..waited waited waited..for 2 hours i waited..then i went in..

he sorta just stand there..i was sitting, his belly was at my eye level..and he ask me wats wrong..i say my finger...then he just started rumaging around his medical box and took out medicated cotton strips, some medicated cloth and also two rolls of cloth (the sabou in canto, the one usually wrap around ppl or mummies one la..)..

then he started to apply pressure and put some medication thats on the cotton strip on my finger for 10 second then "wack"!!

he bloody pulled my finger in opposite direction!!i thought i initially wanted to scream but then the calm and cool me just raised my eyebrows a bit..

the feeling wasn't bad..*wohoo*..

then he continued putting medication and rubbing..then "wack" he does it again..*yeah, it feels good now that i'm more prepared*..

kk..then he just put the medicated cloth on me..got some cool feeling even now at i'm typing..then wrap wrap with the sabou..then put a stretchable cloth upon it..it looks like those around the apple when we buy from pasar malam one..*hehe*..n the best part??he finished me off in 5 minutes..haha..

n i hav to leave it on for 2 days..O.o...*cham*...

so now i drive funnily cos i try not to move my left hand n i doubt i can shower properly cos its not suppose to get wet..then later dinner also dunno how.. :(.now typing so slow.. so lazy to type more..

my hand..all wrapped up :p

how now??any volunteer wanna take care of me for 2 days??

my sis??i scared later she start tripping over things and bring peanut to me when i'm asking for biscuit..

anyone else??to repay u, i can tell jokes or make u happier!! XD..

for example..run to your mom and tell her u r pregnant..guy or girl dont matter..but tell her its because u "accidentally" kissed a guy and girl respectively..n so on.. XD

waiting for an angel somewhere...

My Spying Life 2

2008-01-22T22:54:00.000-08:00

so then, now that fung min's connection is with us and have come to aid..

they borrowed us their student ID so we can sneak in while they watch water outside..

so then we got in...we just walked confidently pass the guard..i notice the guard didn't even lift his face... -.-''...terrible...no excitement...

anyhow..so then we hacked into the system and we search n search and search...it was fruitless...hope is leaving us..the book that we need is borrowed away by someone...damn it..Y oh Y..we left the place in hopelessness...but one faint hope remains...we shall hack into Monash Uni Malaysia...

so i just pick up my phone..arrange abit and i'm off to Monash the next day on solo mission..so i was with my friend..we went breakfast before going into Monash..was super jealous at the Sunway Col ppl and Monash people cos:

1) Food is ALL around them at sunway city and also around it..all kind of food for inexpensive price..HELP..u gotta travel to bangsar which is freaking far and jam..and Midvalley aint so near compare to how near is pyramid and summit to them.. T.T..n i freaking hate sri emas now..my friend say Monash's cafeteria is bad..HELP dun even hav a cafeteria!!i wont mind eating bad food if i'm running to do something important ma..

2)they've got free parking space!!like proper one summor..got lines...Zzzz..one thing is they need to be early but it's very available..

3)they've got greeneries..i was so impressed with trees and plants around and inside the campus..n they hav a bloody field!!!!for both Sunway and Monash!!HELP..we hardly see trees and it's all very dirty around the campus..rubbish everywhere..and a pathetic basketball court..

-.-....

Monash campus is way beyond cool...although it looked like a jail from outside cos of the colour..grey and brown..but it is....cool..*yelps*..reasons??

1)they hav nice guards..unlike the stupid UM ones..these r better..HELP's guard...erm...look at us like we constantly owe them money like that..kept playing their handphones, smokes around even when it was them who put the no smoking signs..pfft..

2)n their library...this needs some respect k..

a) they've got 3 leveled library..*orgasmic moans*..3!!!..HELP has one..with little book selection..their book selection is really really really good..i browse through it and it has some of the most interesting topics like manhood, music, filming, various law books, novels...how can HELP compete la..

b) it was almost like midvalley MPH!!i can sit there on the floor (my fav way of reading) without bothering anyone..spacious, comfortable and got couch summor!!..HELP..one level..couchless...cubicle with wooden chair..narrow walkway..

c) it has wide selection of computers that r up to date and readily available for ALL student to use..HELP..u cant use the updated ones in main block unless u pay extra, the library ones are quite laosy, block A ones cannot go online and the keyboard sux..block e doesnt even hav com..pathetic...

d) they hav self-service printers n photocopy machines around..u need to pay using your student card (how cool right..u can store money in it)..HELP..u need to rely on the library aunty to photocopy which can be quite slow at times or u can go the rotiman's beighbour, stuck-up sister to photocopy or block A's printing which is downstairs whislt the com is up stairs so u need to walk walk n walk n the aunty can take her own sweet time at times..or walk to sri emas WN to print or all the way back to main block...saddening..esp when u r rushing for that bloody pages..

e) they hav computer search for books all in all Monash's universities which u can search online and locate the exact location of the book and the amount left..HELP..we use manual book searching, dunno how many books left so u gotta search for it..*i wanna cry edi*..

f) they hav a freaking lift at their library!!!!!it's sooOOO cool..it's big..can stand 25 people..it doesnt make funny noise while moving and it's efficient and it makes a very soothing *ting* then u press the up or down button..plus, it has the blindman's words on it..i forgot wat is it called..so it's very user-friendly..we..hav to wait for that bloodly lift in block e for a long time (walk also faster)..or the wisma HELP's lift which takes ancients and its slow, aircon is cacat, and accomodates little ppl (around 15)..

g) this is good guys..it's so good that i was seriously considering to switch to Monash to do..nothing....or a janitor if i'm allowed in library..YES...wat is it??its their computerized book borrowing system..it's so easy that i fell in love with it..

it's a machine like that size (a lil smaller) of the overhead projecter with a "V" shaped curve in front (imagine the place where we put the transparencies on)..it was put on a tall stand with space for u to put books and it's not too tall and not too low (super user friendly right)..n it has the scanner like the ones where the cashier scans the barcode lasering at one side of the curve...so wat u do..is to put your student card until the barcode is at the red laser..then the screen which is in front of u will show your information like how many books u r allowed and wat are some of the books u've borrowed..n i believe if i press summor i can find the due dates for the book...oh..wat i press??i press the freaking SCREEN!!yes!!..its a touch screen!!!!!

(dont u wanna switch uni n be a janitor like me now??no??i shall convince u further)..

k..so then wat u do is u open the books u wanna borrow and lo and behold..all the books are barcoded..and u just scan all the books that u intended to borrow..then the infomation about the book with appear in less than 1.5 seconds on the screen and u just continue to scan other books..(yes..i calculated the time)..after u scanned all the books..u just press the screen to say done borrowing and there is this receipt machine by the side of the machine and it just prints out all the information u need to know such as wat books u borrowed and the time to return the book..super cool right..its also fast and neat..

(stop drooling..i'm not done..u'll see wat i mean by being the janitor)...

n u know how long can u borrow the book for??2 weeks!!HELP??about 5 days to a week..theirs??2 weeks!!omg!!!!

ok..thats the borrowing book process..then u think it might b difficult right if u wan more than two week how??gotta come back??it doesnt save much time also wat, mike..wats the diff??

h) the renewing book system..u can do it online..period..

i) the returning book system..just go to the library, there's a place for u to put all the books there, just dump it there..ppl will collect and sort it out..

O-M-G..not enough??

3) they've got a sky bridge across the blocks...though it's only for medical student but still it looked super cool..it's called the medical bridge or something..science bridge mayb..like KLCC one..transparent..hehehehehe...

4) it's spacious to walk around..HELP..we got carpark also wat.quite spacious..Monash..they got COVERS all over the place for student to walk underneath it in case of bright sun and rain...

5) Internet coverage for students using laptop or Monash's com..ALL O-V-E-R the compus..and it works according to my friends and his friends..T.T..

wanna visit monash now??i've got 2 more items..

6)their toilet is clean!!sorry girls but i only went into guys toilet..the floor is clean and the toilet bowl is big and wide apart..unlike HELP's..so near until u feel really violated..T.T..

7) they r planning to make a field...A field!!nvr had that since high school..i feel like running around it in bollywood style..ah...good old mother nature...HELP's grass is PATHETIC!!

i think Monash just scored 100-0 to HELP..T.T..if not for the psychology program i would hav switch in that instance..i dont care!!Y Monash Y...Y didnt u hav psychology program....huhuhu...in the future..if i were to become a lecturer or anything at all..I WILL GO TO MONASH...can a psyc major who minored in Human resource work there??any availability at all??janitor??tutor??

anyhow...I found some books i can use in Monash..thats the end of my spying life..and more books were found by fung min as she visit Monash the next day..in the end, we only used the MLJ in HELP because fung min didn't wan to travel far as she is sick...if not...I rather do all of it in Monash cos they hav it anyway..

my only last last last consideration...there is not good looking girls in Monash...they r all quite studious..n a lil old..summor i went there two times and both times also disappointed..pfft..no wonder my friend is still single..sad right bryan yim xi wen!!i also dun see much of good looking guys there also..sad again..no beautiful ppl to look at can be sad??HELP have!!right girls!!i'm mixing with some of the hottest HELP girls i tell u!!n most of them are in B.Pschc!!hahaha..

haha..so now.. Monash-HELP's score is at 100-20..n since we got chunted psych programs with chunted chunted tutors and lecturers!!then it's about 100-60...haha..not bad not bad..i can stll live with HELP for another year or so..

buahahaha..btw..bryan is single*definately*, and available *i think*..girls thinks he is hot but he has gotten a lil extra weight *me too :P*..nvr the less he is still a very close friend of mine..he looked like mixed but he is not..pure chinese and also pure banana..so if u wan him, u can search for him la..or alternatively call me!!so that i can filter out some for myself!!muahaha..

aiks..i should stop advertising him...he has enough fishes drooling into the sea water over him edi..i should save some for meself!!nyaknyaknyak..but we're both enjoying our single lives right now..so yea..no rushie no biggie..disclaimer!!we're not desperate!!LOL

visiting monash soon??call me..i shall play with the lift summor!!

#end of post#

ps..i realise it becomes more of an advert for Monash Uni Malaysia but thats wat it is..i'm sure to visit again for my next assignment..haha..i might sneak in again to do my thesis..u'll find me there if i were to grab a few books again..

My Spying life..

2008-01-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

Last week, me n fung min officially turned into ninja n spy respectively for a honourable reason..pictures is not available peps so try use your I-M-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N..

we were given a task to be performed only by the most cunning n swift and also he who possess great skills and endurance..our Employmen Law lecturer gave an almost impossible assignment to us that requires us to critic on selected cases..

we originally thought we could handle it but the task was beyond our normal identity, we need to transform into something..chun-er..

u see, there isnt any cases in the textbook that was given to us n thus, being the spy/ninja that we were, we hacked into HELP's library system to search for materials..but HELP's resources gravely dissappoint us..

but, an idea strucked us..UM, University Malaya, were famous and should have good dose of resources and if we're lucky we might score jackpot!!..

so without further a do, at 4 oclock (super late n tired liao lo), we just source out ppl whom we hav connection in UM for "operation shadow ghost"..PLAN A..fung min had a few connection there and was hoping that we could just ghost in without them knowing that we r, in fact, intruders...this is one of the higher form of infilteration u see...

so we went to UM..the guards let us pass easily..*yes*..so we waited for our connection to get us in..but upon entering the library, we looked a lil fresh to the guardian of the almighty-library slash source of the tree of knowledge of UM..therefore he stopped us..

it was because of the lack of time that we didn't hav time to put on make-ups and pretend to be one of the UMs..but we later realise it's not the make up...anyhow...so yeas...the guard stopped us..

we were deciding whether to kill our way through and silence the guard..but then there was too many students around..we can't risk our identity exposed at all cost..

thus, fung min the spy was using her newly learned hypnotic and conman skill to get her into the library even without an identification card..i however, decided to fall back and help watch the water (tai sui) at outside of the library in case they send reinforcement for suspicion intrusion..

upon waiting outside the library, i realise y i was stopped..because i dun look like one of the UM's...it's amazing how they look *coughs*..they wear worn out T-shirts and plain jeans..i was wearing collar shirt and 3 quarter pants...n my hair was well combed in acceptable to society way..they hair......is either badly coloured or that they didn't bother about it..n thus..i wasnt having a book on my hands..the peps here read while they r walking n also they wear the primary school bag..not sling bag...they looked...beyond lut-ness...its like...ultra nerds..they looked so underdeveleoped that i wonder can they even lift some weights and complete a set..however, this doesnt apply to all UMs...another of fung min's connection broke that rule as well..he looked much better than normal UMs and he was wearing 3 quarter pants too!!..so i think they didn't welcome me its because of my fine looks (just go with the story peps) and lack of books..

anyhow..thus, fung min and her connection went into the library..lo and behold, there is a source we need..but it was kept away from the main library..it is in the faculty of justice not too far away..faculty of law for layman (its subjective whether law=justice but anyhow)..so we also infilterate that faculty...this is much easier as the guard of the faculty of justice isn't paying too much attention..n so we got in........

to be continued..

2341

2008-01-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

HUNGRY...

cannot concentrate...

HUNGRY...

veli hungry...

Challenges

2008-01-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

I expected times like this, but i nvr thought they'd be so bad, so long and so frequent...

world...show me some love...God, i need some grace..

ATTENTION..

2007-12-31T00:25:00.000-08:00

a few of my previous post are quite..emo-ish....but oh wells..its my blog anyway..but these days got something funny happened also..so lets do some positive thinking n put on the happy hat..

first up...Dream..

i had a dream today..*serious*..i dunno wat happened butthen i dream of MING ZI suddenly coming back from UK n somehow we're at this retaurant n we're sitting at a big table with 12 seats..so then MING ZI suprised me..so i was like doing the "oh u're back" kinda thing..totally illogical since i dunno y do i meet up with someone whom trying to suprise me..dun even know y was i at the restaurant..summor i talked to her as if i was talking to another friend Yu Jeat who still haven reply my email n they r both at UK..so i scolded MING ZI when i know it's YU JEAT who didn't reply my email..super weird..she white white kena scold n she replied me summor..forgot wat she said..

then as we're talking, there is this 4 aunties came n sat at our table opposite us n started talking also..then the whole gang..Michelle, vern may n all turned up..so they hugged ming zi n scold her for suddenly coming back without warning n all..at that point, i still dunno y suddenly everyone know where to go n all ended up at the same place without an organizer..then we're just started talking very loud like we usually do...

n we talk n talk until we're tired n thirsty n wanted to sit down..then we saw the aunties r still there so we're forced to look for another table...

_end_...

super weird right..my prefrontal cortex is totally not functioning until its so illogical...Zzzz..

n nope...ming zi, as far as i'm concerned, is still in engrand, the land of red hairs..

oh oh..n now got a joke..

so..one day..me n my sis was at an aunty's house at tanjung sepat..so there is farm n everything..n it was after we took a nap at the sofa..*we very cooked one*..ok..so..the story begin like this..

i was sitting at a sofa opposite of my sister who is at the other end n we're both sitting at the place where u put your hand, leaning forward, facing n looking through the glass door towards outside..so then my sister suddenly just looked at me, out of the blue n said.."man, you're stupid"..n i turned my head n faced her, before i could retort, she just leaned forward a lil more, looses balance n knocked herself on the forehead againts the glass door..

no retort required to prove the intelligence differences..*smirks*..

then, one minute later..my sis looked at the white chickens which was reared by my aunt n say.."uhh, bak cham kai"..*white chopped chicken*..ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

the famous hainanese chicken, in canto: bak cham kai (white chopped chicken)

chicken: female, white feather..

for the record..they r not the same..yes..NOT..if u think it was then..NO..dun believe??..ask your parents..*hope they know about the differece themselves then*..

hainanese chicken is a way of cooking the chicken which is by simply defeathering the chicken n steam it with special sauce..

white chicken...is just chicken with white feather as other chicken are brown, dotted and/or differ in size..

any chicken which is defeathered hav the same skin..thus, after steaming watever coloured-feather chicken, it's still be white n thus, bak cham kai..serious!!..but dun try it at home la..poor chickens..

so me n my brother just laughed my heads off that day...its totally a display of age gaps n also difference in intelligence..n now, i shall add a point that intelligence should hav very little correlation with BIOLOGICAL heritage cos u dun see it in me NOR my brother who approximated shared 25% of similar genetic material with that sister of ours..

n to confirm my point..with me still greatly amused of my sis's intelligence n joke (not for her), 20 min ago i approached my sis's friend who happen to be at my house..so i told her wat my sis said..she was stunned for a while..looked at me then say.."har..not meh??" -_-''''...which then my sister enthusiastically n histerically went like "ha...see see..my friend also dunno"..n they went on n discuss whether am i sane or are they sane n insist on white chicken will end up being bak cham kai n brown ones are the siu kai (bbq chicken)...ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

see..intelligence is LARGE..LARGE-ly..to do with your surroundings n later development instead of your genes..

hang around with turkeys summor la..u'll forget that u're an eagle!!*if u ever were to begin with*

hahaha.. thats my sister over there..she is usually more retarded..

+end of post+

Fk-it..

2007-12-29T22:19:00.000-08:00

sorry..just felt just cursing..

i fking hate ppl who think they know it all..before they even know the situation, much less to know u..yes i used the word HATE..doesnt appear much in my dictionary but it does today..

imagine u're having period n thus u hav pimple..hormonal ma..n somehow u r eating tomyam steamboat..cos rainy day ma..then auntee just come up to u n go like "aiya..so many pimple edi still eat spicy food ar~spicy food make u got more pimple~U KNOW~u must hav eaten so much until like that"..

F _ _ K..with certain fingers in erected as if it's a nature's call..

n i'm living with such a person under the same roof..imagine going through that everyday..just this certain someone kept whinning at things he knows half about n thinks he knows it all bcos he is older..like wth..this is not 1960's ANYMORE damn it..

it makes u dunwan to talk anymore because it takes so much effort to phrase your words properly in case that certain someone picks it up, analyze it using his old f-ing 1960's method n then present to u his analysis n forces u to understand if not, just suck it up watever that feller says..

initially i thought i could make it through..just to be nice..obedient..looking at different perspectives..seeing where others is coming from..but apparently that all is making that certain someone thinks that he is much superior now *like he ever was*..though i reject 80% of watever he said n do it my way which works 99% percent of the time..more easy more efficient..

wth..y cant ppl just shut up n stop analyzing as if every single word is a dagger stuck up at your ass..it's got nothing to do with U..AT ALL..

y do i hav to put up with this..entertaining with a 'yes' n 'mm' is becoming more burdensome..bcos he'll just continue as if he is trying to discuss this matter but he is not..he just wan u to understand/suck up his perspective with wtv he knows from wtv he heard wtv he's talking about..

if u think life is so easy..come live my life n see wat u can do with it la..

i need your support n love NOT your fk-ing "advice"..i hav enough brains to know Wat "I" am going through..no need u to analyze wat n the why n the hows..i'm doing just fine when u weren't in the picture..like u ever were..

my patience is wearing thin...shit..with my brain n brawn i could turn that table n chairs ANYTIME..n u bet i wun make things better..u r just in my way, slowing me down..u think u're helping..u r not..u r just a lid..stopping me from growing..

GOD..U R NOT fair..at ALL..putting me in way..i wan an answer..

Love,
your damned son..

this is a Letter from another certain someone......

I FEEL..

2007-12-29T08:32:00.000-08:00

Lifeless...

life is fine i guess...

there are people who cared for u..n you r busy chasing after something..doing something..making something..loving someone..missing someone..thinking..planning..looking forward...

but i think i've lost my mark..loosing focus..yes i'm getting more short sighted but no, it isn't about my physical eye..

i study without break..there is always something happening..boom boom BOOM..n it all requires your attention..this n that n this n that..then your needs n their needs n situational needs n chronological situation that needs n needs...y so many needs??..all these needs are taking a piece of you every time..sometimes u giv willingly sometimes u just hav no choice n you are ripped apart..

i'm an introvert!!n i need time for myself..to..think..without having to think for others..to think of myself..where am i...wat hav i done..wat am i doing..am i doing it well..where am i going..who is these ppl that's around me..do i care..who am i now..any difference compared to last time..y do i care so much now..

i seems to hav lost touch with these philosophical (a lil) questions that i once constantly ask myself in order not to be LOST..but i dun feel lost..i know i'm at the right place doing the right thing..

its just..incomplete..something isnt right..dissatisfaction at life n wat its offering me..or wat i'm making of it..

yea..dissatisfaction..it's eating me up..

feeling like this song from Fergie now..

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal,
Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big BOY now
And big BOYs don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarityPeace, Serenity

[CHORUS]I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big BOY now
And big BOYs don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
La Da Da Da Da Da

hmm..seems like an introvert's song..an introvert will always be an introvert..no matter how talkative or social butterfly u become..it can be TRAINed..n i'm an example..an introvert being a lil...un-introvert-ish..as in i talk way to much n also leading a group of youngsters doesn't seem like how an introcert should/would behave..i can stand on stage n giv u a 15 min presentation without sweat..n many introvert squirms even when asked their names..

but then y isn't me a convert or some sort..i figure out it's because it's back to where u draw your energy from..from ppl around or from the time spend with yourself..extrovert draw energy from the crowd, the vibes, the strong beat of music n input from others..introvert needs more time to think over..to reflect n see wat's normally unseen..thats My distinction of extrovert vs introvert..ppl may differ..

ok..way pass my sleeping time!! (see how much time i've got for myself these days..cis)..i shall..reflect..n think...

+end of post+

ps..this is not for general public..just some writings from a psychology major who's feeling the pressure of entering 2008 with such low energy level n bleak future..

its now 30 Dec 12:24am..

2007-12-29T08:23:00.000-08:00

life...is nvr easy..

sometimes you deal with your ever present personal devil n that feller seems more faithful n powerful than your guardian angel..sometimes u fight with your old demons o'er and o'er again..sometimes u thought u r free from it all cos u've finally reached a higher ground..but wat stood before u is a new breed of vipers waiting to tear u apart..and when u look back, your old demon is just behind your heel..

some people are born lucky..some are not..some are given many and others are given a few..n we're to all deal with it..one way or the other..wat can guareentee success..wat defines success..all so confusing...all so different..

I'm confused..

it's now 30 Dec 12:32...

Golden Compass..

2007-12-17T03:11:00.000-08:00

haha..this is wat u get after watching "Golden Compass"..

so gonna buy the book..very interesting movie..dun quite get the controversy cos ppl are taking things a tad too seriously if they did..

since the controversy is about Christianity or Catholics to be more specific then i shall say a few words..ignore me if u may..

first, i think it's about telling how much is Catholic wanting to control the life of others in such a "special" way that they tear off a person's soul n make them "grow up"..a process called intercision is to tear a person away from its daemon which is part of the person's soul while it's still unstable which mean before it a person enters puberty n the daemon stabilizes..because it was mentioned that when daemon stabelized, then there is this dust matter thing that sticks around that person (adult) to make them think and become unhappy..

so since the authority in this FICTIONAL world wants the people to remain naive n accept nothing but their truth, to become their zombies, so thats wat the big war is about...freewill...hmm..i do wonder how it links to Catholic church or churches in general..but do consider DAVID KORESH..check it out in wikipedia..i do think he is a lunatic in HIS own world that he just justifies things for himself n became even more lunatic n created an extreme sect where he becomes God n brain washes every member of his sect..

that shows that anyone..or any person of any religion has the capability of becoming lunatic by their delusion n hallusination..it's human...n human are, sadly or fortunately, by the power of freewill, to believe in whatever their chooses to believe which makes this world even more chaotic because everyone is preaching what they believe or even seems to believe..*humans are complicated*...too many factors to take into consideration n ppl can add their own interpretation to it..imagine how...delusioned can ppl be..

thus, my conclusion for this point, it's just a fiction novel...dun think so highly of yourself that ppl is pointing at u..if they r, show them that u r not wat they think u r..wat or who r u to think that ppl r constantly talking about u..too kembang for your own good peps..it could be anyone..n any person can make that mistake of being fogged n trapped in their own world n thinking..which then differs from the original way of watever the religion teaches..

on the other note..do check out my daemon (pronounced "demon", ironic but oh wells) n see how real is this daemon reflects me XD..

http://www.goldencompassmovie.com/?735440

the movie was about 1 hour n 45 minutes but it was very fast for my taste..it could hav stretch to 2 hours (i dun mind), cos it's not too informational at some parts of it..it could demonstrate a lil mor about daemon n also other parts of the world..which is very interesting to me..but oh wells..hope the sequels are not dissapointments..

N i also watched another movie, "heartbreak kid"..

terrible...stupendous...plain dumb...very shallow...mindless movie..if u hav the cash to spare..spare me instead of watching this movie..i could do with some cash to buy myself decent books..

not very funny also..Ben Stiller is getting too predictable..his jokes n smiles n how he say his lines are very same in each movie that he acted, like "night in the museum"& "meet the fockers"..its getting bored n tiresome to continue watching after a while..

bah..looking forward for golden compass n other movies..i missed star dust & enchanted :(..shall get my hands on it on dvd..hehe...

thats all..

+end of post+

202, 210, 208

2007-12-12T05:30:00.000-08:00

i shall reprhase..

ALL also..

DIED...no more!!takda..langsung..nil..kosong..mati semua..

i was using 90% of the time (all 3 exams..i've got lots of time) to doubt my own consciousness n intelligence n also self-worth n it was going no where.....

I'm DUMB!!

i really think so...cos i studied like a cow..kept looking at the book for the past 2 weeks!! nvr happen before in my darn LIFE can?even my bestest result during HMC also i din study this HARD..two weeks...not much entertainment..a lil flash game once in a while..but 97% of the time i studied..n i dunno y i cant answer the questions..ultra pissed..nvr got so desperate in my life..NVR..

how can i face tomorrow..

My thoughts..

2007-12-11T05:22:00.000-08:00

My mind is currently being tormented..yes..the sickest kind..its called pressure..I'm suppose to be studying but a thought striked me..

its being tormented to succeed..wonder y..

i dun think i'm a competitive person..or at least not as kiasu as someone i know of..*cough at general psych students*..however, since i'm left behind from ppl who went for youth camp, my mind became quite free *wonder around*/ study..dun need conduct cg..so i went to check out ppl's blog..

I went really far n wide to look for my ex-class mate's blogs *it was after i studied that biopsych*cos haven been seeing them in ages..n mm...lets just say ppl who somewhat appear differently in the virtual world..

ahem..back to the topic..the main thing is naturally *at least for me* i would wonder how r they doing..whether they r happy doing what they're doing at wherever they are doing it n it also boils down to how well they r doing what they are doing no matter how much they enjoy doing whatever they are doing..yes its a mouthful but it makes sense..

cos for me, i'd enjoy psychology though there are many setbacks like weird holidays *HELP's fault*, weird course design, weird lecturers, crazy tutors, crazy course mates n all..some are actually good stuff..but for those who arent taking psychology, they seems like they are in a different world..nvr hav i thought i would feel so different from them..like oh..that's how a medic person reacts like or thats how a person who went US feels like..n thus came the feeling whether i can be proud of what i'm doing..

yes..psychology is nvrtheless a cold subject in m'sia and much pressure is upon us, the first few batch, to show what's psychologist's worth..r we really that different n weird?are we all about common sense n mind readings?just because we're not in the main stream are we able to earn a living, a luxurious one or that we hac to scrape n save for a low cost flat(no offence but its a horror)..

it's just very difficult to not think differently though we're *i think* quite indifferent, just that we have specialized knowledge in our respective fields..but how well we do will need to be on display in the future gatherings..n hack i was in the best class in my secondary school..imagine that..that's when i remembered a book/movie once said nvr go for such gatherings because in fact, it's a competition..subtle but definately damaging if u r not firm, passionate n proud of your doings..ppl are bound to compare n being not in the main stream makes u stand out..n this pressurized me to think..what am i really striving for..

i'm not a high/excellent achiver..my grades are average, somewhat in the middle of bell curve..n it suddenly makes me wonder..hack..wat if i end up being a.....a....a...social worker?...i mean my real friends would remain real *i hope* but i fear i wouldn't have enough pride to lift my head up during such gathering againts all other friends..they ARE all nice people but it's my own heart that i wouldn't forgive..*its not my passion to be social worker anyway :P*..

plus, remember that person that u once so dispice n frown upon, imagine that person did much better than u..earn big bucks, studied in well known uni, doing great, driving beautiful cars, having a bright future before him/her..i would wilt before that very person i tell u..not that i frown upon many ppl..n yea..in one of the person's blog *which i frown upon* apparently the person got scholarship..FULL scholarship..God..

yes..fellow counselling mates..thats my main specific issue of the day that brought me blogging..

i mean HACK!!i think i'm much brighter than that person LOR..seriously..cos that person has history that's quite scandalized n all..though apparently my grades din show n my involvement in watever clubs din show..that ends up me not running for any scholarship which i dun mind, sorry parents but they can still support..n that person got scholarship that means something..that person changed..

GOODNESSES of LIFE...

what then makes me??wthwthwth..HACKHACK...i changed also lo..but my grades...T.T..i need to buck the hell up n turn it over n let hell freezes over it n then cut up some fish n make sashimi..then i would grab some ice cream n drown myself in it while singing "gimme more"..

HACK..

YES..i do know bloody hell what it takes to get that scholarship n that person has come far n wide to do it..n i feel *yes FEEL*..ultra uselessness for my unchanged attitude lo..yes..i do improve a little in some areas this semester but so far..handed in assignment early..studied..started assignment earlier..i did TRY..mayb just not hard enough..Y la yyy..now not only my CGPA stinks of a rotten rat, my HGPA is so down the drain...n i realise the blaming game is too long due its worth...

GOD o GOD..

i so damn am going to grab a second upper class honour seat no matter wat it takes me better if i got first class*whimps*..but i really busy, *take note, incongruity..*..sigh..i need to get my life together!!!..CIS scale, around 3..yes i realise the incongruity before me..OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG...the pieces of my life that's so scattered this year..i really need to pick up the pieces..n there is so many pieces to pick up..i really hope n cross my fingers that i really do well this sem since i DID put in my crap to make things happen!!but much could be improve but this is what i've got so far...i need more.......I've got more to offer*i think*..i need to just draw it out n be a lean mean...balanced??great?? machine thing..so much to do..n after calculation..to get first class honours..i need 7 A's next year to pull my HGPA up..FULL 7 A..n also depending on how well my current exam will be..i would need nothing below B/B+*gulps*.. *whimps for PSY 202, 208, 209 n 210..i dun think i did particularlly well for any of them*..

its possible..anything is possible..even if it takes me through high n low n fire n ice n spears n dagger n seas n mountains n planet n space..still possible..just need to work like...never before..discipline is the key..some serious deep crap..even deeper than crap..into the heart of hearts kinda deep crap discipline..yea....that should work..

if it's the last thing i do on earth AT ALL...for Honour n Glory of all psychology student represented in wherever my life brings me..i shall WORK HARD..kk..back to PSY 202*T.T*..mayb the force be with me, blessings from master ming zi aka cho lei who just sheng sin-ed..

*END of POST*..darn darn darn *chants to self*..

...

2007-11-14T03:53:00.000-08:00

......

dunno wat to say...
ppl ask me update...very busy ler.. >.<
zzz..next time ler :P

a lil something something..

2007-07-30T01:28:00.000-07:00

FCS2:God is not Good....He is Marvelously Great...n Wonderful

yea..God is...just...i'm speechless...

kk..so here's the thing..my cell group of Subang 1 of XYZ of DUMC..had FCS2 last saturday..n it was...well...errm...great??i think..haha..its just soo good that i hav to write an account here about it..for God said in the Bible that we should give an account of what happened when God blesses us so that it can be an encouragement to others..

first..God is so great that everything of it was started even when we choose the venue..the coordinators told us not to use church premises to provide a more friendlier enviroment..*i really dunno wats so not friendly about church, no smoke no mumbling chanting and nobody come up to u n tell u your head got black aura n insist u go for fortune telling*..but anyhow..so...we were choosing venue and a few people suggested their place..but when Jean suggested her place, i just hear a faint "yes" in my head..but it wasn't confirmed so i asked them to confirm with me that night after asking their parents..Jean was the first to say her mom approved..another girl also said the same..but when Jean said yes i felt something deep was stirring as if its a confirmation to go ahead..

however, 30 min later, her mom said no for some reasons..I felt there was something wrong..how can there be a green light towards the dead end at the same time??I replied Jean..I said it's ok, dun push it, just pray about it and i really believe that God will open a way for us n then ask your mom again the next day n see how la..at that time, i still hadnt reply other people whoo confirmed to me about another 2 available venue at Subang..FYI..Subang cell existed for about almost 10 years and we r mixture of subang, usj schools and also puchong schools..however, when holding an house event, we never had it in puchong before, ever!!..so this is something new and yet i can almost smell something special is brewing...

n guess wat..the next day, Jean's mom approved..n i quickly spread the news to everyone..

next, the planning had to be done quite late because the game manual came quite late and there isn't much to do until we see the manual which came 2/3 weeks before th event *i forgot*..n plus, my assistant, Esther is having her UMAT at singapore on the 23/7 week itself so she can only help with the preliminary plannings and she had to study for her exams..so..that left me...alone...cos the manuals are in such way that the planner is to do the games itself..

so..the planning wasn't all smooth..this is because something too great happened...on our first forecast of the friends coming, we had forecasted about 70+ people coming and this doesn't include our members *around 18 of them* and also the members who didn't attend the cell that week..but i cant deny the forecast is flawed because we didn't seperate the totally confirmed ones from the oikoses they wanted to invite..but the number itself gave me a glimps of what is to come..I voiced my opinion to Pr Foo telling him that i'm afraid of what is to come as it's beyond me..so many people to layan n list of things to prepare is just plain scary..

so..the preparation of door gifts was also a first time for the cell..we never did such thing before..:P..so i went shopping..budgeting about 70 ringgit would do but it came out to be 100..swtness..n that's only the content of the door gifts..exclude the wrappers n everything..sigh...but it was good..the members was responsive and quickly pay up their share to the fund..so we were quite self-sufficient...

we had a leaders' meeting the other saturday..our cell came early to do door gifts..it was fun...though some of it look quite ugly..ish..no sense of artistic value..but its all good..we even had some leftover sweets just in case..we made 75 doorgifts..thought it should be enough...cos i told the members to strictly only write down names of those who are coming, it became about 50+..me n esther then went for leaders' meeting..apparently everyone came to know what is happening in Subang1...its something something..i felt a pang of nervousness is on me now as eyes kept staring at me..huge responsibility came laying down upon me...it's one week before the event itself..

I then went shopping for FCS lucky draw and also some cargo pants for myself..bought another 100 bucks worth of stuff..a nice bottle from wild channel, a pencil box and a wallet from body glove..really nice i would say..n i also bought 4 pants for myself..deprived of shopping for 2 years can do that to u..good thing the xyz promised to sponser us 200*others only 100* or else i would have to declare bankcruptcy for SJCG1..

so..the next forecast came the numbers increase to 60+ *i think*..i was thinking..omg..because some members msged me and say they r getting their whole class to the event..i cant help but to tell God, let it not be tooo big because it's already beyond me..n i'm afrid it'll be beyond what the cell can handle..then the next came flowing in like mad..the figure went straight up to 82 by the end of friday..i went shopping for door gifts again..cos the members took the leftover candy with me saying 'no' to them, so i had to spend extra..ish..will scold them soon..lol..but anyhow..it was all fine..friday i went driving to get everything done..it was madness..i was out the whole day besides for my meals..i went so many places..i also met accident twice because i'm starting to space out for a while edi...i also hadn't had enough sleep thinking n planning for this event for a week now...thank God i'm alive..

another thing..i failed to get a loud hailer from the church and i had to search for it myself..Mag from church had one but her FCS is clashing with mine a lil so there is trouble handing back to her..so i had to buy one myself..thank God for Jamie..she got one for me..i helped ALOT..if not..my throat would have need operation by now..so i had two crazy days...making the door gifts myself and with my sis and also to get everything done by myself again..never had i put in so much effort..it was exhausting and thinking back, i never knew how could i have made it..

i also went to check out Jean's house..the mom is really friendly..n the place is perfect..easy to find..facing a big field..big enough to hold in 100 people if we have it at the field..which by the last forecast, we have..including the members and the helpers..we have a number of 105 people going for that event..so i just pray so hard that it wouldn't rain because we r doing it outdoor..on the saturday meeting..the members prayed hard too..amazed even myself to see some of them taking a step of faith..

finally..on that day itself..members failed so communicate with me some friends are pulling out..or else i wouldn't have to do the door gifts at last minute..ish..but its ok i thought..until...at 1245 pm..Subang started to rain..

I panicked...puchong is not too far from subang..some members msged me asking me how now..i hav no other reply than to pray hard n that the wind will blow the clouds elsewhere..i quickly call up Wendy who lives in puchong near Jean..she said it wasnt raining..n the sky doesnt seems like its going to rain..i thought thank God..the rain got heavier at subang...n Wendy msged me telling that puchong started to drizzle..my heart just went straight down my stomach towards the sole of my feet..my msged every person i know that i could think in that short period of time and asked for serious prayer because we can't do anything if it continue raining..i was praying hard myself..for 1 hour straight i was pacing around the house to pray..the rain at subang recided..i thank God..Pr Eng Eng msged me a lil while later..i told her the rain stopped..n as i send her the message back..the rain came back..heavier than ever..I prayed n prayed n prayed..i dunno wat else can i do..

at 130 pm..Wendy told me the rain stopped..i told all of them to continue praying..n never stop for even a minute for the sky still seem gloomy..my heart is capable of stopping cos it was beating like chinese drum during the dragon boat festival..when I finally have everything and went to Jean's house at 245..i found..the rain stopped..the air fresh..the ground not too wet..the temperature..perfect..

i gave some instruction to the people and i took melvin with me to pray summor...we prayed n walk around the field..praying again for the weather and also the FCS itself..it'd be great..

but my brain is fused n i cant think straight..everything just start to jumble up at my head..i was shooting instruction as the thoughts come to my head..members are helpful and taking ownership..i was glad..the event started at 3:55..we played the squirrel game n i couldn't even talk properly..stray thoughts are everywhere..had to hand it to esther for the job..her mind less occupied..we cancelled the mix n match..we were late..

then i realise i forgot the bring the cd for the next game..cos i cant find it in my box..i was mortified..we then plan to play the latter game first while Maureen n Sara go to fetch it from my house....gosh...how can i make mistakes...wanted to scream..but cant..80 over ppl r there..shy la..

i was hosting the latter game...the war game..it went oh so wrong but we had fun..the rules are plenty that i forgot some..its hard to control 80 ppl because they arent focused..we r already short of time...grr...so they played it all differently with each of them holding on to different part of the rules and not the whole of it..few got hurt n one bleed..some one knock her on the face out of accident..2 skipped on puddle of water n hit their bum..:P..yet..most had fun..on the second round one group tied the belt so tight that we couldn't continue to game..ish..it almost went well..

in the mean time..maureen couldn't find the cd n called me back..thats when i realise the cd is in my com all along..it is still now if i hadn't had borrowed it to someone else..the cd compartment is using the push in ones instead of the come out ones..i always have trouble forgetting to remove the cd from inside..having a brainful at that time i couldn't possibly hav thought of it until then..sorry to Sara n Maureen..had to get to my house just for..nothing..sigh..i also dunwan it to happen one ma..

so..at second round of the game..one of the group just began to tie the belt into a dead knot and this give the opponent team 0% chance of untying it with hands..so we had to cancel the game and forfeit the team of their victory..but we went on with the multimedia game..it was also a lil kelam kabut since there are 80 ppl and not all groups have an equal chance of playing..the court is only so big that some groups are further from Esther and that makes the chance of winning low..well..we can only do so much..unless we hav amplifier and a mic and bells for each group..this situation cant be solved..

so we continued..i was having dehidration edi n feeling very dizzy..things became blur to me n i started to go on auto pilot withouth thinking too much..or anything at all..overwhelmed..thank God for helpers or thing might not have happened..thank God for the host which is so generous and kind..i didn't hav to do much after that..

i thought to myself that i had to make connection to people or it'll all go into vain..so i just went around talking..it was good..the people are good n funny as long as u r friendly with them..i was like..the ultimate friendly guy around..haha..mayb a lil annoying too.had a girl called me crazy from afar..-.-''..had most fun at that time..relaxed..finally...the members took charge of the things happening now..glad they did..

i was pushing myself to the limit...i didn't stop for food..just a cup of 7up n i'm all up to go around..haha..i cant believe i'm still alive..its indeed Jesus who strengthens me..for everyone i talk to, God gave me oppurtunity to know them a lil better..i can only remember a handful of names but the smiles of their face are unforgettable..

i just cant thank people enough to things that had happened..heart is full of gratitute and the host was also speechless at what God had done n we just end up thanking each other n ultimately, God for everything..the parents was soo good that Lynn's dad went to fetch the people from Jean's house to another spot n though he is driving advanza, he had to come back at least 3 times..n other parents as well..i was like..wa......your dad...super nice ar..n i cant stop but to just keep thanking them...

had to do a report n finish it before midnight...phew...goodness sake..was just dragging myself that i fell asleep in the middle of a conversation at MSN with Maureen *sorry*..couldn't believe myself..still have missions meeting on sunday..wonder how will i survive..but i finish it anyway..hehe..

Conclusion/Moral of the Story:
we forecast 82 ppl..61 ppl turned up*cos the rain stop a few of the people from coming*..59 from puchong..*tsk tsk for the subang ppl*..30 guys and 31 girls..i couldnt ask for more..*mayb i could la but i'm already dying edi lar*..i think Subang one had really outdone themselves this time..even the food also we outdone ourselves..soo much left over..so generous is the parents...hope to see the people again to know them a lil bit more n for them to know us a lil bit better..

indeed great is God Almighty and nothing is wrong for everything will work out for the good in the end..though things may not go as planned but the unplanned things also work wat..in the end of the days..the smiles of the ppl's face n also their thank you's n friendliness towards you already prove that the event is a lil something something that had happened in their heart..

hasn't it been a lil something something day for u?it had been one for me :)

july 23rd

2007-07-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

i just watched transformers...n i still haven watched pirates...grhh...

transformers was....really great...from it i learn a few lessons...wat makes a great movie..
1)good actors
2)good script
3)good director
4)and a whole lot of visual treats..may it be the scenery or the special effects..

trasformers all of it..it was a 9.5/10 movie for me...this is because it waste no time in the movie..everything is working n moving in very fast motion and things are constantly happening and the things are MEANINGFUL...unlike the spiderman..lots of unnecessary scenes and laosy script..almost too laosy for me to comment more..

but transformers was good..i was in awe during the whole show..i caught myself opening my mouth a lil for twice or trice..just staring at the screen..absorbing the whole thing and soaking in its richness of informations..phew..wasnt able to speak much after that...n i thought to myself a few times that finally..something worth watching...thank God for transformers in 2007..made this year memorable..

haha..must own the dvd..superb..

i also watched 'dead silence' in my ex-schoold mate's house..it has become a ritual that we will go her house and watch a horror movie everytime we get together..just me, su-lynn, eileen n yu jeat..best of friends..

the dead silence itself...really...errr..predictable i would say..besides from the conclusive ending..but bcos the director is making it the old style so its kinda cool but really predictable..being immune to the horror movies, we kept poke fun at it and it almost sound like a comedy..if not for the goodlooking actor i would have call it a halt n do something else..wat to do..the actress died in the beginning n left the old aunties only in the movie..the actor, ryan kwanten..sounds very chinese to me..haha..austrialian actor..look a lil like the late steve irwin..

so..it was kinda funny la if u wanna watch..not really for true horror..

hmm...currently i'm not feeling too well..just had my ATT jab..prevent againts tetanus..so that i dun kena anything when going to cambodia...super excited..just learned so many dances..wa...hope i can remember...

others....
ill blog when things happens la..anticipating greatness in near future..

friday the 13th..

2007-07-13T06:41:00.000-07:00

haha..i din realise its friday the 13 today until i read the yahoo news then i was like...y r they talking about friday the 13th..then i realise today is IT itself..haha..

anyhow...yeeash..another semester is gone...ppl turning old...like 20...old...years...sigh..mine is coming.....long time more..muahaha..

hmm..lots had happened this sem..we finally tried our best n i passed up TWO assignment early this time..haha..one is nearly late but also i finished early...nyak nyak..

summor..ppl going off...working..presumably..i'm also working..being nice hardworking person for the church as so many activities coming up..T.T...so hav to work hard...very HARD...sigh..

other stuff..i trying my best ler...to work hard...felt like...a donkey??sigh..holiday isnt a proper holiday so far..T.T..so..yes..i haven start work..cis..ill see how la...:P

hmm..intesting thing??i watch Blades of Glory with a bunch of old people..n a few young ones like me..

it was....weird....gay....weird....something that i shundder at the thoughts of it after watching it..i dun find it particularly funny but...kinda disgusted actually...so yea..thats that..

then..i also watched ALONE..the thai horror talking about a siamese twin..

its kinda cool actually..worth a watch..two disappointing points..the ghost isnt that scary cos its most stagnant when shown..it would be VERY freaky if she talks or something...but nope..not much movement there..n summor the storyline had a twist to it but i find it not consistent after teh twist..so...yea..but its just for scares la..n it wasnt too bad on it..

summor...i watch Shrek 3...

not really ask funny as the last one..it found it running too fast n it ended very weakly..it turned...Disney..which it shouldnt...so yea..disapppointing ending..

i still missed out on transformers..yea..tell me about it...i WILL find time..T.T..if i could..

kk..random thoughts..

hmm...i neeed money...haha..i finally found out the name of the company which i am the president..kaka..its called Dong tai in chinese...but i dunno wat it does..my dad is making me sign documents without telling me whats on it..-.-''...hmm..i dunwan to be declared bankcruptcy before i reach 20 k!!ish..n i dun find extra money appearing in my bank AFTER i sign those stupid papers...arent i suppose to get like a few more zero's or something??so wats the point of being a president u tell me??...I DUNNOO...cis...felt being used...shall ask for a raise..hehehe..

hmm..i'm in love..NOT..

hmm..my face is ruined...after pou-ing harry potter at night...i know its kinda stupid but i'm trying to read the first 6 books before 21th of July ma..so i can read smoothly..currently in the third book..hehe...but i din like the 6th book...SOooooOO SaD..dumbledore....T.T..so...sad la my face...shall try sleep early..but harry potter..once taken up very hard to put down la...hmm...

hmm...my left thumb is feeling kinda useless...need to do more fixing before i go ninjustu...

oh...now i guitar teacher become my private guitar teacher..haha..that doesnt mean she was my public teacher but now i dun learn from her under the music school but under my roof..hmm..hav to pay a lil extra but the time is more flexible..

hmm.....i'm missing uni....a lil...

hmmmm...wat else...i'm in love???not....still no...
hav been bugged about it every time i see my ex-school mate...ish...one day i might just get married to Lihom or something..haha..thats stupid..

hmmm...i'm a lil bored...

*dudududu*

so much to complain but i shall refrain...

hmm...i just wanna hav fun....

*dadada*..

oh kay la..thats all for now.. :)

I, me n myself...

2007-06-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

I cant stop thinking about i, me and myself..for psyc student its not that social psyc theory..

but i cant stop thinking about my dreams, thoughts, things, future, n heaps of other things that i lost focus of the 'now n here' n ultimately..the 'not myself'..

grr...there must be something more to life...MORE!!..

felling like a sucker blackhole vacuum trying to suck things up..'suuupp'...

i need to grow up...i need first SELF-Discipline!!we'll try that first lar...i need to study and if u have noticed..i have use four 'i's'....hmmmm.....it all starts with me right??we'll see...

next...currently addicted to youtube..found tons of really funny stuff there as well as disgusting stuff..check out the cookie mastubator..its plain idiotic..

also xiaxue's blog..she is just plain hillarous at times n a lil dumb at other times...but she is very authentic in her way of delivering her blog..so just check it out ler..

for those who have seen my msn nick..i REALLY need 36 hours n i tell u y...

1)studies...there can never be enough time..time just fly by when u do that seriously of course..

2)gym...that takes away approx 1 hour n 30 min per day..including the drive n warm up n all..

3)guitar..desperately in need of practice...but strangely i have been pulling off tough songs without practicing it..lets hope my guitar teacher dun find out..:P..though i bet she knew it all along..

4)church..on average, my saturday is considered a church day cos i'll spend at least 6-7 hours in it minus-ing the time spent extra with others at mamak or dota afterwards..hmm...so after 1pm, my saturday is basically gone...

5)in addition, now i've got meeting to my church leader and also a regular meeting for cambodia mission trip, approximately 5 hours gone there...

6)plus, i also need to prepare materials, call members, make sure things are running..not that i'm complaining but it takes time...

7)uni also takes time to travel..sit in horrible lectures where u learn nothing but ways to make yourself really comfortable in that lecture hall chairs..its totally not ergonomic i tell u..height discrimination..

8)I neeed to really stop this because its just too many..my wednesday night also gone cos i have ninjutsu which takes up the whole night...

9)I NEED SELF-DISCIPLINE....GRRR...meow...

10)..come to think of it..i dun need 36 hours..because everyone has 24 hours..n they r pretty much alive...n some r very well off...hmmmmmm....*thinks*....i should really work on that...what makes other can do n i cant??

note to self:BUCK UP!!get a grip..n do something!!!!!...

i think i just mentally slapped myself...sigh..ill work on that...:P

************************************************************************************

anyways..i watch FANTASTIC FOUR!!..nyak nyak..with my lil bro..yay yay..hehehe...

it was much better than speedoman..i mean spiderman..hehehe...cos of jessica alba is better than kirsten dunst...haha..no la...but silversurfer is totally cool!!haha..i lazy upload pic but he is really really cool!!...a lil dumb but COOOL!!!check out the shade of the colour of his body man..its just...so COOL!!!i like silver...muahaha..wa....just..so cool!!!cool!!cooooollll!!

haha..not just that..its much better than speedyman..i mean spiderman because it doesnt try too hard to entertain us..its just...simple funny..unlike spiderman..try to be deep la then be shallow la then be emo la then this la that la...bah...too much!!..

but also got down side..its a lil too simple at times..still not satisfied with FIGHTING sceens...i wan BLOOOD!!...nah..a lil more dramatic n true man fighting la...not like 2 min kautim fighting..then where got fun..

also..the character is not well balanced...some got too much time n some r just...there...not really important..i agree to one of the critics is that..this movie is not really on fantastic 4 la..more on silversurfer..but i still dun know too much about silversurfer after the movie...so...hmmm...

but none the less..i was entertained..so i give it a 6.5 out of 10..a should watch movie for me..lalala...

next...i totally missed my PIRATES!!!huhuhuhu....not showing at summit anymore...i guess i should just get pirated pirate cd...T.T....

i really wanna watch more movie...like 'alone'..its just so...tempting me to watch..hmm...start looking for legs..*kaki*..

oh wells..lots more ahead..hoope i come back to blog in good reports!!:)

dududu...

2007-06-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

it has been a month...blah blah blah...

i know wat u thinking.."he is gonna write he regrets no updating"..nope i'm not..

or

"he is so loosing his readers"...i dun really care..:P

haha..anyway..i've been BU-SY...read boo-sze...bah..period...dun ask...i'll tell..

hmm..wat was i busy with u might ask...or mayb u have....actually i also dunno...several times i wanted to update my blog but..it was either too late at night or i just lost the mood...so *sigh*....

hmm..lots had happened..i'm near my finals..*oh me goodness*..though i thought i've work harder but my marks is really kinda bad..grrh..i need new plans..

had so much thoughts running around my head...screaming GIVE UP!!...i've at points given in but i'm not giving up..life moves on and i need to still be on the stage of life...

future seems blurer than ever..n i wonder y..mayb i shouldn't wonder too much..but.. .. ..

anyhow..hurt myself physically so many times cos of ninjustsu..:P..it was Ex-Haust-ing...finger blueblack, busted my lips, muscle ache, now finger nails also blueblack..but it was fun..with lots of pain..

my guitar...isn't exactly the best thing happening..skip that..

my room..really messy n i dun feel like tidying it..

my appearance................dun feel like doing anything..leaving my hair as it is now...dun feel like looking into mirror too..not up to comments..

felt....laosy..just a lil...lazy...another lil bit..confused..very much..frustrated...not YET..

i need...

a life??busyness doesn't equals to liveliness...

i need more time in life...my hours are flying by...like...*few few few* n a day is almost gone..each simple things i do take up hours now...n i'm...plan-less to counter it...

bah..i think i'm getting...

more terrible each day...physically..pimples go away!!shooo..

mentally..so tired...*melts*..

emotionally....*stones*...unsupceptable to emotions around..

psychologically..twisted...

WATS IS BECOMING OF ME!!

hehehehe..new friend of mine, master snow white turned 22 yesterday..:P..so kinda old..i'm not YET 20..n i already felt lethargic..gaah..i need..a purpose mayb??a clearer vision??a renewed body n mind n soul n everything within??for a planner like me..living without a plan is really like walking in a 1000 km square maze and u have no idea how exits actually look like..wats worst??u r blind folded..woohoo...mayb i've already walked out of the maze also i dunno..how great is that...

ah..my angel..whoever that is..i'm not playing hide-n-seek anymore..i'm just gonna sit here till u find me..or..run over me??

me now??i'm physically hungry...T.T..hehehe..lunch time!!

*i'm really twisted*

cheerios..

the endless tomorrow..

2007-05-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

well...after so many tomorrows..finally..ill post up the pictures from perhentian..sorry la..better late than never right....eh....stop complaining..yes u staring at this screen!!the one with nose hair sticking out!!*ps..i so need photoshop to make this story more fun..ay kind hearted ppl can help?*
yea..i hav a story to tell...sit back, hav some popcorns and chill..

it was a clear great morning where anything could happen..*yes, anything*..at a great beach of...beachiness...there one a shadow..
it started with one shadow...its ming,zi-na..the warrior plinsess..she is looking for a team..a team that would help her to conquer the sotong village cos she very sampat n heard that sotong village got lots of evil ppl..
another force quickly join with the zi-na warrior, she is aunty lai min, a witch doctor, capable of healing wounds of all sorts, also very sampat..

another sampat force came, she is ah ma 'i'm innocent'..this ah ma always covers up her sampatness with innocence that doesnt fit her age..y she join?she is just sampat..

n together, they formed the sampat's angels..

next, they hav to look for some kulei (workers) and also a knowledgable men to bring them to the sotong village..
they find a man..seems serious..n meditating..he must be wise they thought...n he must be the right guy we're looking for...

before they approach the wise man..a monkey came along and sat beside the wise man..he calls himself prawn cos he say he very easy prawn..wise man seeks no association with the monkey and look away...

seeing a potential wise man and a kulei, since the monkey seems so gullible..the sampatest doctor approached the both and ask for acquintance...wise man thinks 'it sounded fun..monkey thinks'....'..monkey dun think..but he seems wanting to join for the sake of good bananas at the sotong village..

it should be a safe journey....they think..n they decided to embark on that journey asap..so they go...with..
pockets full of sands..
legs full of hair..

n a man who leaves a cute butt mark..they went off..*guess who's butt mark is that??..nope..we're not giving out prize*
yea..the journey started early morning..*actually this is a almost sun set pic..but do go along with the story*
they walked...

along come an opposer...its a fat lizard...zi-na shooed it off with her smelly legs..believe me..it kills..more came..it seems that they come in gangs..zi-na did her trick again..most died...

they called summor gang..this time monkey farted and we nvr see them coming back again...along the way we see jelly fish..they dun seem friendly..we avoided them...yeeks..got summor..run!!soon...it was almost dark n the sun is almost down..yet according to wise man, we r not far away from sotong village..foo...look at the sun..yes..in the dark we walk...a lil scary but we got the monkey to scare the unknowns of the forest off...finally...we reach the sotong village....sotong says hi..

we were just in time..these uncivilised ppl are worshiping their God..Sot-ong..by doing some fire stunts and doing some human sacrifice to the Great Sot-Ong..

and suddenly...they noticed us...and they start attacking us with the fiery weapons they had on their hands..

but its ok..we got ZI-na...check out the bicep..*mingzi's jellyfish encounter pic*

they continue attacking..throwing more fireballs at us..

this time the monkey tried to fart again but it din work..instead..

the nitrogen in the fart contributed to their fire n it exploded..causing our team much more damage than the sotongs..all of us are scattered..

the ah ma tried to hide...the sotongs grab her anyway..

the monkey pretended to be dead..nope..he cant fool the sotongs..

so..sadly..i..i mean the wiseman n the monkey is taken hostage...sampat zi-na n sampat doctor manage to run off..

they forced us to take sexy..i mean horrible pictures so we cant run away from them..T.T

ah ma continue to pretend not knowing anything..

more horrible stuff they make us do..T.T

it seems that our ZI-na kena burn until long edi..n we cant fight back..so we decided to raise white underwears n claim back our group members..

so after consulting the great sotong..it seems that they will release us under one condition...we must sacrifice one of our members n do something to please him...

so we decided on monkey...since..he doesnt think much anyway..

we did a proposal to Sot-Ong..he approved of our doing..we were down to the details..notice the nipples..

so we continue with it...we burried monkey n make a guy and also a girl out of him...enjoy..

n the crotch wasnt a joke...err..mayb it is..

monkey seems enjoying himself..

we presented it to the Sot-Ong..he seems pleased...where is the ah ma so far??

she paiseh n pretended not to see...

but she did it anyway...n thoroughly enjoyed herself..

now that i tok chuin her..she tried to be innocent..

Sot-Ong say that we r free to go..yayness..

took a group pic..to prove that we r alive...

ate some sandwich n we r off..

oh...since monkey was hurt..the sampat witchdoctor and the wiseman work together to heal the monkey..we put some greeny stuff on him that's made by the sampat witchdoctor..

we took care of the monkey since he contributed so much..

a lil ritual..n monkey is good as new..

indication of we lost but at least we're safe...ignore the monkey..

yayness...

~the end~

to all the b-psyc student out there...THE ANCHOR of LIFE>>....hav fun!!

waiting for my angel

2007-05-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

u know wat hurt the most??

its when the person whom u cared for refuses your care..
its when the person u r honest with stabbed u at the back..
its when u run around and did all that's needful n extra n yet u r unappreaciated..n unloved..

n i received a few blows of it in two days...

your heart felt like its torn open and free to be eaten up by watever near by...or just let the wound dry..in its God-damning slow speed..

i felt tired...unappreaciated...unloved..n not taken care of...wat could be worst??
more...its eating up my inner being..

waiting for my angel..whispers*come quick before i do something stupid*

amnesia.

2007-05-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

can't sleep these days...

its a torture...i wonder wat did i do to deserve this...

n now i look like this @.@...with lots of pimples....ARGHHH...i need sleep...

take my test!!

2007-05-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/368813

Create your own Friend Test here

haha..seeing so many ppl got this funny test..so i also created one..kinda fun..

so just play around with it..:)will post the answers soon..

spiderman 3

2007-05-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

kk..firstly..i promise myself to post some pics about perhentian trip since mingzi n fungmin already told the tales n sadly they hav no pics to illustrate..ill do this tomorrow..*lalala*

anyhow..i watched spiderman 3 today..so its gonna be spoilers for those who didnt watch it..so dun read..yes i mean u..U..stop looking at me as if its not u..yes U..

ANYHOW...i went to watch today with my lil bro, jeat..good time there n afterwards..hehehe..

-its generally a good movie..a lil long..2 hours n 15 min..though its not sufficient to cover everything cos its the movies has depth and yet the time used to illustrate the depth isnt enough since we hav 5 character to cover namely Mary Jane, Peter Parker, Harry the new Goblin, Sandman, and Venom. all of them have their own stories to tell and 2 hours just isnt enough so i was kinda disappointed though my butt is kinda painful after the second hour..*rubs*..but i still would like a more complete ones...so its a failure la since they hav so many wonderful quotes that tried to make it deep but they din take time to let the words grow..its like a chicken not well marinated..not bad but not wonderful either..just a lil taste for u to get by..

-another thing..one of the scene is just so badly taken that i would smack whoever the irector is in slotting in that scene..that camera man should be FIRED!!..the scene i'm talking about would be the scene where sandman wanted to run away from police and the police is trying to conner him on top of the truck..the camera was practically shaking and its so annoying..

-thirdly..it fighting scene is really glamourous...but its really nothing to huha about..its just so brief and almost childish...blah..then i rather hav the words like 'pow''wam''smack' thats so ever popular by marvels comic..a lil disappointed there about the fights..T.T..not intense enough and it doesnt show the depth i mentioned earlier that should be displayed in their fightings..

-famous quote of spiderman 3..

this movie is filled with very chunted quotes and its takes time to think about it and though the movie didnt did well on marinating it part but its indeed probing ppl's mind..

few quotes from aunty may(she is like this wise old lady who knows very much..like the long gone uncle ben..they must be such a good couple being so...wise about things..):

- "revenge is like poisons, it eats u up, itll take u over and before u know it, u hav turned into something else.."

this is indeed true with alot of negative emotions that we often kept withint our hearts being a nice n polite asian who dun wan to hurt ppl and wan to keep things low n down..this isnt the way..if there is anything, talk it out n get over it because if u habor it, itll turn bitter n itll change not only your relationship with that person, the bitterness will change u into a bitter person as well..

- "to do the right thing u must first do the hardest thing, thats to forgive yourself.."

another very rightly said things..sometimes ppl go around and say i forgive u and all but went they face some trouble that's not caused by others, they hav no one to blame but themselves and if blamed too much with much negativity n no positive input on that situation, indeed u'll feel beaten and soon demotivated to do anything at all..so if u feel this way..wat ill do is look into the mirror n look into your own eyes..be rational, evaluate yourself and see wat could be done but first, forgive yourself as none r perfect but we're all humans..so if u wan to set it right, first set things right within yourself.

- it goes something like this, i cant remember the exact sentence..*let me know if u do know*"I don't know whether he deserved it because the liberty to judge is not ours"after peter parker told aunt may that the killer of uncle ben is dead and asked whether is he happy..

indeed*i'm using lots of indeed today*..since when should we judge..we r not perfect ourselves and this the fundamental of judging should be given to the fair, wise and just..but that said we all judge from ppl's looks to clothes to brands to food..so my conclusion would be..judge if only its of good intentions..if not..u r merely bitching about something..its true when u come to think of it..if it isnt helpful then dun say it out or judge a person just to bring him or her down..it doesnt help the situation nor the person..

other quotes:

-Harry the goblin says:"it doesnt matter, u r my friend'...hmmm..wonder how many ppl could say such thing..soo....yuk ma(meat numb=gelli= too touchy)..but to all my friends out there..i might not say it out loud but it doesnt matter, u r my friend..n now u gimme back my 59 cent u owe me 6 years ago...jkjk...

-sandman "i'm not a bad person, i'm just unlucky"&"i have no choice"...well...i cant really say much about that but that could be something that criminals used to justify themselves..n to conter that, we hav peter parker's quote.

-peter parker said" life is all about having choices, the choices we make determines the who we're gonna be, and at any point of time we are given a chance to make the right choices"*help me out on this one too*..yea..i think this is so right..we r able to turn back and make right choices we've made at all times..before we make the choices, while the changes take place and even after we make..we are never ever stuck without a choice..u can choose and as a human, its a privillage as well as a curse if u put it that way as we can choose to be or do good or bad..

-aunty may again telling peter that even if two person are so in love, there is no rush into marriage..in my version, there is no rush into ANYTHING at all..y rush?..n wats the rush, wats going to happen IS going to happen in natural timing..its not about the act itself but the readiness of both the person involved..thats most important of anything in a relationship..

-even MJ said something.."everybody needs help, even spiderman"..true..nothing to add..

last quote n ill end with it..this is not from the dialogue in the movie but from the trailer..

-"how long can a person fight the darkness before he finds it within himself".....

i've experinced it in my own situation..no..i'm not merged with Vemon..my say..keep fighting..fight within yourself and with yourself and for yourself..to me..there can never be an end..it goes on..but dun surrender..u hav a choice..make the right one..if u need help, ask for it but first, fight the battle of will and get the upperhand..n the rest would be when there is a will, there's a way..dun give up oh (Gan, 2007)..n IF..u give up..all will be lost, wat u hav build, wat u hav truly loved and ultimately yourself..

fight on...

my thinking style

2007-04-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Visioning

You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.

An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum.

What's Your Thinking Style?

haha..quite fun so far..thats all for now..gotta sleep..play more soon...

nights *yawns*

How Geek am I....

2007-04-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

Your Geek Profile:

Academic Geekiness: None
Fashion Geekiness: None
Gamer Geekiness: None
Geekiness in Love: None
General Geekiness: None
Internet Geekiness: None
Movie Geekiness: None
Music Geekiness: None
SciFi Geekiness: None

How Geeky Are You?

gosh..i'm no geek at all..its fun to try cos i dun understand or am familiar with any of the questions at all...lol

What kind of Soul am i...

2007-04-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

T.T..so true..but truth hurts some times..

How HOT is my kisses

2007-04-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

Your Kisses Are Medium-Hot

Your kisses are definitely sexy, but you're not about to make anyone gasp for air.
You take it slow and steady... and you ramp things up when you get the right signals.
Your kissing style is adaptable and adept. And people who kiss you love it!

How Hot Are Your Kisses?

there u hav it roberta..muahaha...

ps..i'm currently addicted to blogthings so dun mind me..so fly kite.

what sports car should i drive

2007-04-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

You Should Drive a Ferrari

Sleek and sexy, style has a lot of importance in your life. And you'll pay a lot to look good!

What Sports Car Should You Drive?

woohoo..wonderful..ill go look for it..lol..but my dream car so far is jaguar XK or XKR convertables..or not...oh welll...its a dreamer..

the key to my heart...how wonderful..

2007-04-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

i can almost agree to 99% of the result..just that i dun think i'm flirting..i'm just being natural...or am i naturally flirtateous..hmmmm...

taggies..

2007-04-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

well..i got tag i got tag..yay..*pretends to be happy*..:P lmao..

oh..i just learnt that..lmao= laugh my ass off..kinda funny if u try to pronounce it..la-mau...lol..

i like lol better..anyhow..

5 things found in my baggy:
- my pencil box ro tropicana life..old design..loved it..
- my bottle of water..would die without it..
- my lip balm if my lip feel particularly dry that day..
- my sunglasses' box..thats if i'm wearing it already..
- my LG chocolate headphone..weird design..but kinda cool :)

5 things found in my wallet:
- cash..duh..
- handphone's battery if necessary
- HMC gang's pic..n also church's pic..
- whole bunch of cards excluding credit card..T.T..i wan one..
- Bible verses from Revelation 1:5b-6

5 Fav things in my room:
- some of my soft toys..really cute..hehe..got turtle summor..
- my flippy..a plant n a study hard flippy..
- my baby laptop...
- my CK one perfume..though i thought of getting some others edi..it bores me after a few years..
- my bed and everything in it..its heavenly..

5 things i always wanted to do:
- get killed!!..:P..in the most dramatic way...then i get to see myself falling in sloww mooo.......then got all the funny ppl surrounding me...but ill still be alive after my princess kiss me from my sleep..nyak nyak..loved sleeping beauty..get kissed by some random guys..lol
- earn money..then spend them...well..its more satisfying to spend your money i guess..i dun need bill gates..la la la la la..
- to live my life right n to the fullest in one day n rest of my life...to wake up early with a smile n sleep with a wider one..
- get drunk n start kissing all my best friends n tell them i've loved them for a long long long time..n slap them afterwards..muahaha..just for ppl to think that i'm crazy...:P..
- erm..backpacking for years n years...n years.....until i felt that i should stay in that i-dunno land.......there's a country called budan or butan that i really wanted to go...it's really facinating...or ill just get married and stare at babies i've made..

5 things i'm currently into:
- scions of fate...its a rather cute online game..my character is so hard to train..T.T
- collecting music...wonder where to start..who shall be my first victim..hehehe...
- ermm..meditating and get my brain functioning properly again...hard work ya know...
- really wanting to do something abt my life..it stinked...
- errr..er...er......i dunnno..i need to get my brain fixed first...u see wat i mean..

5 Ppl i tag...:
- Leonardo Da Vinci..wats in his bag?paint brush or carving knife?
- Michaelangelo...i wanna know wats in his room...hmmm...
- G.W. Bush really wanted to know wat he is into..
- E-ei-stein..wats his next invention..??
- God..so that ill konw wats His next move..*fingers crossed that theyll reply the tags*

8ciaoz8

Life's like that one ar..

2007-04-17T05:12:00.000-07:00

i've heard this for numerous time in the past weeks..

i think i'm going crazy..with ppl kept telling me this..

what hav i done wrong to deserve this..i think i know better myself..

therefore i do not need that 'life's like this one ar'..

just need a simple..nothing...i dunno..show me love ppl..i'm dying...

today..i was freaked out..

i was bathing.....then...then..then..then...

nothing horny la..switch channel...

i was washing my hair...n gosh my hair is all over my hands when i wanna wash it...T.T...

n i took the initiative to count it since i read an article that says u are not actually loosing hair unless u r loosing >30 strends of hair a day..

i counted around 20..*phew*..then i wash it off and rub my head summor..T.T...it was more than 50 i guess after taking a look at my hands another time..GOD...my worst fear...actually not the worst la..but...OMG...i'm finally loosing hair...after anticipating it since the start of 2007...so stress..how to not loose hair la..

T.T...

good thing i've got lots of hair..on my head..or else i would look like a particular biscuit by now..T.T..eh eh..later kena hit by a ping pong..:P...

sad...i dunno ler..if life's like this then i really wanna die liao...

press on baby...another 3 papers to go..b4 i can breathe again..

life stinks at this moment..T.T..

ciaoz~

April..

2007-04-03T04:54:00.000-07:00

goodness goodness..*runs frantically*..

its already april..1/4 of my year gone..just like that..n so far i didn't contribute anything good to humanity..or myself..OMG...where did my time go???down that stinkin time hole..life is soo passing me by..

kk..a quick update..

i'm gonna die..well..everyone is gonna die..but anyway..
3 assignments ahead..5 exams in two weeks time..0 page touched..estimating 1000+ pages to go through..i'm not joking...T.T..y la y y y...

sigh..haven been productive mentally n physically..so lethargic la...feeling like a rubber man without bones these days..dehumanization..bluek..

anyhow..guess wat??guess summor..aiyaya..since i'm not the first to post this up..i guess most would have known edi la..:p..oh well..let me put it in extra big font..

WE WON PSYCHOLOGY COLLOQUIUM..

uhuuu...ahaaa..uhuuu..ahaaa..oh yeah..who's the champion who's the champion..kiak kiak kiak..

hehehe..it's indeed something to be proud of because...*drum rolls*..we not only won 1 prize...but 2!!!!!!!!!!

muahaha..in case those who dont know..colloquium is not where we kill lions n leopards like the roman gladiators used to..but we 'fight' in a more civilized way..we do presentations and compete againts other groups who belongs to the same room..n i did 3 presentation on that day..one research method, another abnormal psyc and yet another about youth n media..

hehe..so it was 2 groups that i was in..one belong to abnormal psyc group which consist of fung min, beng tack, grace, ming zi and ME..hehe..then youth group which consist of fung min, beng tack, mel ong and ME..again..muahahahahaha...i actually wanted to leave before the prize giving as i thought there is no chance of us winning but oh well..i just wanna stay so see other chun speakers n how they look like..mana tau me n my gang was on stage twice..great job u all..

so we won twice..it was...suprising actually..really wonder how we could hav won..youth stuff was done like on thursday..so last minute..then abnormal was tuesday..hehe..all last minute work..somehow our slides oso got prob on the day itself due to carelessness..:P..good thing i notice or its so gonna freak me out..nyak nyak..

but i was kinda suprised as i thought b.psyc consist of more happening presenters than us..ppl like kevin n oonie meloonie..they r thought to be power speaker but i didn't had a chance to hear them talk..they won second placing for research method presentations btw..they n their super experiment..ultra complex n all..:P..

i think all 3 of our presentation went about the same actually..just that the last one freak the soul out of me as the projector kept having problem..scary betul..or else mayb we could hav won that as well..:p..super greedy..

yeap..the prize..it contains...RM 280 voucher for MPH..n i'm super happy for that..been longing to buy books..so one is divided by 4 n another by 5..n my earning??it's a wooping 126...wa....can buy so many books..woohooo..super happy...yay yay...

yeap..learnt alot about each other through these presentations actually..that we all have different style of doing things n all..which may be the reason y we win..our presentation style is quite different..lets review one by one..may i present to u...the winners...*we r the champions, my friend, ~guitar solo~, we will be fighting till the end*..

1. grace- super nervous but would calm down b4 the presentation..quite good in getting ppl's attention due to her innocent laughs..kaka..n blurness..hehe..her kind n sweet voice often make ppl feel bad to not hear her..though at times she talks too much..kaka..but i noticed she has a different voice during presentation and tend to sound more pro than she usually do..so we put her at intro..good choice..hehe..but she cant take too long a presentation as its often tiring to talk to long..something i notice of her..

2. melong- tends to memorize everything n vomit out during presentation..but she does it more naturally compare to others..some was just plain bad doing it..mayb mel's brain can take in alot of short term info kwa..n she tends to freak out right b4 her turn where i hav to do breathing technique with her..i think she prefers not to start first cos she started really shaky due to the pressure n got used to it after that..a good one right there mel..

3. mingzi- she has her own style of presentation..she can catch ppl's attention with her looks n she is good at maintaining eye contact with audience..n she sometimes just crack jokes which r sacarstic by nature n she is definately good at it..tend to like to talk about facts more than freeflowing materials as she gets very insecure if there is not script for her.. likes to memorize also..

4. fungmin- another memorizing person..memorize n memorize..gets very insecure if her stuff is not with her..but she would somehow pull it through..better in facts more than freeflows..good at summarizing her material n make it short short n easy to understand..very straightforward in her speech..so next time just let her talk about facts can edi..she can sure do it for u..

5. benny- memorize all the way till last minute..tends to like freeflow but he often write down his script n present it in most natural way possible..gets really cranky at times cos of information overflow..memorize too much..:P..also tend to stare too much at screen but his voice is the IT factor that gets ppl's attention..a lil more confidence at his material n i'm sure he can fly man..

above is just personal opinion and n hold no personal responsibility for any discomfort caused..

hehe..so when u combine these ppl together..somehow..somehow..we won lo..

haha..enough talking about others..myself...

i like freeflow..dun like memorizing..know my brain aint memorizing material..tend to metally rehearse before things starts n dislike distraction b4 things begin..so..yeah..relaxation is also very very important to me..deep breathing technique works all the time n to most ppl..hehe..one weird thing was that i avoid verbally rehearsing b4 presentation..actually i nvr verbally rehearse something b4..just tend to run metal marathon on what to say n my points around 15 min n earlier b4 my presentation n its relaxing myself after that..dunno y..i scared it might mess up the flow..cos ill get too distracted with too many voice in my head..one is my metally prepared voice and another is my memory of my verbal voice..one is enough in presentation..n hey..it works for me..it even suprise mingzi n grace that they din force me to verbal rehearse with them for the third session..

hehe..know your strength is really important..whether u r better at freeflow n connecting with the people or presenting facts is what u r good at..itll make a difference..though it's good that if u can also brush up your weaknesses..hehe..got compliment too..was super happy when ppl come up to u n tell u that u r good n this or that..n a special thx to mel who encourage me by saying 'mike, u hav your own style la, n nvr change it'..wa...so super touched..my IT factor..yay yay..

haha..my hands also got super cold b4 presentation..thx to alex for his body warmth..so i would hav freeze to death..thx buddy..

phew..talked soo much..well..thats all for now..better get back to work..or i'm really dying..

~byez~

titleless bables..it's depressing..

2007-03-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

Hav been really emo these days..

i cant eat right n cant sleep properly..

pimples are crawling unto my face n it looks like moon now without its radiance...

sigghh...y...

1..assignments..dunwanna talk about it..just thinking about it makes me wanna puke..

2..my vista...after much troubles and tribulations..i'm still encountering more troubles n tribulations...T.T..y..i dunno..dunno y buying a laptop can cause soo much headaches n pains..i thought it's something that i should be happy about..

3..church work..guess i'm overloaded so many stuff..i really need to prioritise properly..which i cant seem to do at the moment..

i'm sinking lower each time these thoughts come to my head..

my life is not functioning n my mind is malfunctioning..makes me so emo when things seems to get out of hand..now..its really out of hands..even God's hands seems to untrusty to me right now..i'm trying..trying to let go..but the more i loosen the more i freaked out seeing the results of it..

sad..

got so much more to do...

i need to renew my license which expired 1.5 months ago..yes..exactly..y didn't i renew..cos i haven go take pictures..y??..partly bcos i dun hav time..another major part..my face wun look good it in..i wun let that happen..which is another thing that's out of control..still..its getting better n worst each day..sigh..so go report me..i hav my reasons..wonder wat would the authorities say..

plus..cell is gonna go through changes..n i'm initiating it..n if i cant see it through then i'm doomed..like..forever!!..something along that line la..

i so wanna hav a lil time for myself..for my OTHER stuff..i haven been to ninjutsu..so wanted to go..didn't practice guitar which is another thing thats on my mind..sigh..can i hav just a lil..

feeling so insecure..how can i lead a cell..when i count wat i've got..i've got nothing..not at this moment anything i can rely on..mayb its another test/furnace i gotta go through..though i thought i was done for..mayb i wasn't...sigh..gonna get cooked again..

sigghh...guess life is not going my way...how can i make it through..i see the tunnel at the end...but the end seems so far away..wonder will i make it through or die in this endless road..

the thing though is i'm not a quiter..so so so not a quiter..n i dunwanna let ppl down..n not myself down..but i'm lacking..of motivation n of support...can anyone show me love??its so lonely here..

oh oh..which reminds me..two person is our class is in love..expected it..oh well..i'm good at searching infomations from a person's eye..*wink wink*..eyes do show lots of stuff..so if u dunwanna let me know stuff..stay away from me cos i might just extract somethings out of your eyes..

my own eyes??sorrow...i looked at myself when i reached uni today..i felt endless sorrow..felt so sad..but hav to put it aside n embrace the day..felt even emptier after that..

oh Lord..can i just pray for things to go abit more smoother..just a lil would do..things that doesnt break me suppose to make me stronger but i'm already exhausted from being so hard pressed..how can i go on..to do other stuff..wat more..to embrace another equally hardpress challenge..

but such is life...that we hav to endure things through..how much can i endure b4 i truly shines..

feeling pretty stupid right now..contradicting myself...

wonder wat would it look like if i'm fighting againts myself..who would die first..i think i would..duh..its still me..n true enough..i already felt like dying..

if u guys dun get wat i'm saying..look back to the title..dun read if it makes u more emo or depressed..woops..i think its too late..oh well..

long long sigh..thinking about how a perfect life is actually like..so far from it.........so far....

am i wishing for to much??..i thought it was pretty lil..just a lil would do..a lil time for breathing fresh air..a lil time to strum a few chords n read some books..a lil time to spend with friends..without actually minding the time which pokes me on my head..i think it adds up..so my wish is rejected..

now i can comprehend sorrow..not in its deepest way..but in a more self-centered way i guess..where happiness is out of reach n doesnt seems to be wat u deserved..y me..again i ask y me..

really wondering if God does hav a plan for me wat would it be that it takes so much out of me right now..i cant imagine..i can only hope i pass His gradings to do His will..not mine..again anotehr count down..wat is it thats in me that i do not see..

oh well..i guess only time can reveal things to me..n i've already spend enough time blogging..gotta get back to work..hoping that i could do better each time i'm put into a test..

byes..*sigh*..

taggedd..

2007-03-04T04:52:00.000-08:00

yes again..i knw i'm tagged and now i'm gonna reply it k..all thx to natdan who created this frenzy..

Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!*i personally wun bother taggin anyone**woops i broke the rule..think i care??think again..*..kk..here goes

1.. i like using double dots..in case u haven notice..it helps me to hav that 0.3 sec to think wat to write next..n yes i'm doing at again..and again..n on..n..nvrm..yea..it helps me to think..not that i love doing it but it just me i guess..

2. i personally despise noise..any kind..songs, coffee shop, chinese ah peks n auntees shouting across tables..it is just..noisy..anti-noise pollution..

3. i have a mole at my eye..to be exact..my right eye..it's brownish kinda thing.. wunder y is it there but i think i would wanna laser it off when i'm bloody rich or something..

4.. actually i like moles..it makes some one special..i especially liked the ones on my face near the conner of my eye at my face n the ones on my neck near my chest..dunno y but it makes me feel special i guess..just not the one at my eye..doesnt look nice..

5.. i hav a very funny pair of feet..i hav my birthmark which shapes something like a pair of wings on my left feet's toe and a mole at the sole my my right feet..right in the middle of it..how special n cool right..

6..enough on moles..i hav a funny bone structure..well..u would or should hav notieced it if u do know me or check me out..*kaka*..come on i check ppl out..in case there's a sudden change i wouldn't recognise the feller anymore..anyway..yea..my ribs are formed differently than others..not abnormally but it's like another variation i guess..it sorts of flares out the the end of it near the stomach where the majority of ppl's ribs actually doesn't flare out..err..this makes me look extra skinny when i'm not!!if i hav normal bones i would hav looked normal like any healthy normal weight ppl but this one makes it difficult cos i need extra muscles on my chest to show that i do a chest muscle kinda thing..its a guy thing..*blush*..

7. i dont actually think much..many of my idea comes impromptu..which is kinda weird but somehow it's a good idea..so those who thinks i'm like brilliant or smart out there..u hav been fooled..muahaha..:P..i should really go for psychonalyst so check out my unconsiousness..where did all those funny ideas come from..though i should say that i do actually think okay..just that it sometimes happens..actually lots of the times..

8. oh..all my nails are shaped differently..from my thumb to my pinky..its all of different shape..i dun really liked it and wonder why is it like that..but oh well..i only liked my pinky's..cos it looks nice..hehe..

9. i used a few types of shampoo and shower gels..its like i must at least hav 2 kinds of each..i helps me to hav a choice between them when i bathe..hehe..according to my needs n mood la..like if i wan to stay fresh then i use to refreshing one n all..my mom don like me doing that..she thinks its a waste of money..oh well..she dun understand that its the same amount of using one shower gel after anotehr just that i'm using both at the same time..its not gonna stop me..muahaha..

10. i actually fell 3 times on my chin that my chin now has scares and so i cant grow beard..it's not like i wanna grow beard but my bread growth is not happening la..cos that part of skin is like..dead or something..haha..so i shave quite frequently cos the beards that coems out not actually nice and looks quite funny ler..hehe..miracle that my jaws are still fine..i fell from high places for that three times..

thats all..i can go on if i wan cos i'm just so weird..muahaha..but not gonna do that..got assignment..will try achive 20 when i'm free la..hehe..then only i tag ppl..

as i've said..i'm not gonna tag anyone..so go fly kites ppl..

byes

late..

2007-03-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

pheww..at last..some free time..but not for long..

so this post is gonna be quite short ler..just updating a lil..actually i didn't thought of updating but the story goes like this..>>

MelN got chicken pox n got too bored of life n scold me for not updating..*cis..its my freedom not to update k*..just bcos she got the POX so she dun get to take exam..she postpone her exam to next week..*it would be a good news for me..but i already got pox since i was small..mayb i should go get dengue instead..might work well..*..i think she got so bored at home that she start checking out ppl's blog..n after finding out that i didn't update for 1 month of so, she left a msg after checking my blog saying this>>Mike, time to update your blog la then dot dot dot..i was like O.o...then am like.. >C....just bcos u hav time to go aorund n check ppl's blog..i dun even had time to sh*it properly..hav to rush through the process which ain't pleasurable..*kaka*..

yeap..so thats the story..*it seems that melN is constantly updating herself with other ppl's blog too*..so wat has been happening..my life is practically hanging me from the ceiling..everything is just so bloody hard to get through..exams assignments exams assignments..one after another n the cycle hasn't yet stop..i still got anotehr assignment due next monday n exam next wed..*see y i dun hav time to sh*t n update my blog dear meln..*..

so far..as i said..my life aint good..got pretty bad for my abnormal midterm..barely pass..gonna find out wat went wrong..but the paper is super hard anyway n i din understand half the paper..so i expected something along that line..then its the HRM exam..the result haven come out yet..*great efficiency biz dept*..so its hanging my stomach at the other end of the ceiling..

had so many assignment that i lost count..was busy for the whole of feb..T.T..i din practice my guitar n din go for ninjustu for the whole month..so gonna die next i'm asked to do rolls next week..so yeah..even my hair has been bad...oh i hav something to announce..

I DID NOT CUT MY HAIR..I JUST COMB IT ANOTHER WAY ROUND!!..

yes..thats all..

but i went to cut hair yesterday..*finally*..had a good massage for 15 min or so..that lady was so good n nice..mayb i was looking like a deflated worm so she had pitty on me..but the massage is really the longest since i went to the studio for 2-3 years edi..hehe..so i asked her to cut as short as possible as i continue not to care about my hair..i think t looked super bad for the past 1 month..almost like the tsunami feller..but better than him of course..

yeap..so i've been looking really chan kai (terrible shaped chicken)..n i got so lost in life wondering wat am i doing for the past month..was soo troubled..but i din hav time to think..i'm only passing through the motion of it all..

but anyway..someting cool happened..we had a XYZ leader's retreat..so Negeri Sembilan..we stayed in this super nice n inspirative place called ILHAM resort..it literally means inspiratioin..such a cool name..we were crazy there n we also went Eagle's ranch..its a place like extreme park..got go cart, swimming pools, archery, PAINTBALL, and so on..it was really cool..

yeap..so we had great fun there as we played alot of games at ILHAM itself on sat n we play lots more at eagle's ranch on sunday..I PLAYED paintball..muahaha..finally..it was super cool..i got a shot at my leg though..wasnt painful but the mark is still there..we got a draw with anotehr team..n the best part..i SHOT PASTOR FOO aka my youth pastor!!..he isn't dead..*or else i'm in big trouble*..but i took him out single handedly as he reach for his flag..yayness!!..wakaka..cant wait to play this superly fun game again..

then we played lots more game like chubby bunny..treasure hunt..pirate game n all..something worth mentioning is i'm so not gonna play wat game ALLAN SIA created ANYMORE..mayb not anymore la..but NO..not in the near future i wun..gosh..wondering wats with smart ppl..mayb their r such a saddist!!..yeasshh..he asked us to swim in a sand which is not really sands but small rocks..n it's half the volleyball court!!..my gooodnesss..n i was really swimming for a good 5 second b4 i realise everyone is breaking the rule n was crawling..actually i did commando crawl.. but it was suepr slow la..so..yeah..i had scars like everywhere no thanks to ALLAN SIA!!..so i'm forced to wear super casual for my uni for the whole week looking like some sad beggar..this is cos if i wear jeans it would scrap againts my leg n i need to wear shoes..the last time i wore shoes n of course with sox on it..when i took off the sox, my skin came off together with the sox..it brought me nearer to heaven n drop me back..T.T..

then alot more happened la..it was superly fun n no relaxing weekend as i anticipated to hav..summor i'm having exam on wed n thurs after the retreat so i was super eexhausted..phew..but it was real fun la..i won a bottle too..won the battle of the sexes!!n almost win the team game too..:)..

anyway..about the other two exam..it went better compared to abnormal psyc..but i'm really afraid la..cos its no joke as i'm already in year two..not prepared for all these changes makes me a sad student..will try be better prepared for finals!!..

erm..summor summor wat..

oh celebrated some BDays..n others haven yet..so HAPPY BDAY to
-yien yee
-mel ONG
-my sis..:)
-my bro which is on the 3rd of march..
..i think thats all..cant remember..my brain hasnt been functioning properly for the past weeks..

hehe..yes yes..i know i'm tagged..will do it next post...soon..kwa..hehehe..

ps: this post is supposed to be post on the 4th of march..so go figure the timeline..

If Everyone Cared..

2007-02-05T03:59:00.000-08:00

This is a wonderful song right here..abit of the rock n all..

though i dun think nobody dies is possible but still..it sorta points us to a better attitude in facing the world..

From underneath the trees,

we watch the sky

Confusing stars for satellites

I never dreamed that you'd be mine

But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I~I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried

If everyone loved and nobody lied

If everyone shared and swallowed their pride

We'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing Amen I, I'm alive

Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies

Our only light in paradise

We'll show the world they were wrong

And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I~I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
And I'm singing Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

And as we lie beneath the stars

We realize how small we are

If they could love like you and me

Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died
And I'm singing Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

We'd see the day, we'd see the day

When nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day

When nobody died

We'd see the day when nobody died

-by Nickelback-

Dreaming..

2007-02-05T03:46:00.000-08:00

i woke up one day..

feeling as if i felt it before..

wat was it??was it that??..

it has been haunting me..

i wan to know y..

but i'm scared of the truth..

shall i look into it??

or should i just leave it..

its frightening..the truth is frightening..

i dare not look at it..

not even once..

though it's just a dream..

~ciaoz~

Sick..

2007-02-03T22:49:00.000-08:00

yeap..read the title...period..

i'm sick..was sick and is still sick..

with flu, sorethroat, fever and coughing, i champ among my other sick friends for eg mel ong..she only has flu n sorethroat..n lyndsay who only has fever n flu..muahaha..

anyway..was sick since tuesday..saw it coming..after so many days of sleepless night n all..

i remember waking up on tuesday feeling very uneasy for my throat n i know i'm finally sick...that time i only had flu n sorethroat..then fever kicked in a few hours later n menifested itself strongest on wednesday afternoon..then i got coughings on thursday..

it was a darn cycle of sickedness..n now..

i'm left with coughings still...n swollen eye..due to a little fever that i'm still holding i guess..but this is not the worst..the worst of all is...ULCER!!

i had an ulcer at the right part of my mouth n it strategically settle itself inbetween my upper n lower teeth..the feeling??sux..i cant eat properly n i cant sleep properly cos i cant lie with my right cheek on the pillow..so??..sad..

ARGH..

i dun need all of these right now!!..

i need to study for my exam n do my assignment for the sake of my life!!..T.T..y do i hav to fall sick right now..T.T..

something weird happened when i was sick..i think my eye got bengkak abit..it felt like it cannot stay perfectly in the socket..mayb the heat make it inflated abit..n oso i cant think straight..n my friends like mingzi n gao nin kept bullying me cos i take a very long time to process information n at times it just doesnt process at all..n at times it just came out wrong..so wrong..oh another thing..i had curry when i was still sick on friday..hehe..here's the story..

in the morning i was sick..n i was coughing coughing like a ah pek who is gonna die anytime soon..*i felt like that for the whole period of sickness*..but the *tan**i'm not sure wats it called in english..* thing wun come out..so i cough n cough with no avail..so then it comes to lunch time..yay..then i went for mixed rice..then i saw curry..wonder y but i hav a tendancy to eat curry nowadays..so i cant stand the temptation n took some..actually quite alot for a totally sick feller like me..but it was green curry so i thought no harm ma..not spicy oso..so i ate happily..then i was still coughing n everything..then when i got to my car, i cough again...n cough hard this time n the *tan* came out!!wa....it's quite alot actually..hahaha..yer..bluek..but anyway..it felt like i finally got rid of my baggage n can fly to heaven edi..the thing stuck in my throat is gone!!..yayness...freshness of air..air going through my throat..haha...but then my stomach felt very bad after that cos i'm still having fever n yet i had curry so my stomach felt kinda hot n it din feel too good ler..so..my verdict..eat curry next time when u hav bad cough but try not to do it when u hav bad cough N fever..hehe..oh..also when u hav ulcer..its really a bad thing to do..

anyway..had finally met the two new tutors for both psy203 n 206..one is stefani or stephani ..i'm not sure..another is selina..or was it serina..:p..anyway..they r both really cool..i did my presentation in front of stephani when i was severely sick(coughin, flu, fever, sorethroat..i'm the champion!!)..n i think it went well..lots to work on..just that my voice was so flat for the past week..so imagine my normal voice is flat enough..T.T..sounded totally weird..

anyway..more changes in my life..cant my life be any weirder or..stresser??..but oh well..its for the better..i think.. changes is good..i guess n hope..

hope to get well soon..lots to do ler...

ciaoz~~

Pheww..

2007-01-27T18:58:00.000-08:00

sweat rooling off my head..

fuiyoh..another month of not updating the blog..haha..normal me..herm..let me recount wat happened in the last month that worth mentioning..

-i went feli's place n make sushi with two girls who knows absolutely nothing..but it turns out good thanks to me n benny..very eligable bachelor right now..beng is taken sorry..by another girl whom i'm not sure can cook..:P..

-i went pangkor for 3 days two night..went with my family..had fun..missed church's watchnight..T.T..ow well..sat on jet ski which is superly expensive..then looked at small kids running around..no ppl of my age..sad..

-then uni started 3 weeks ago..which might explain my busy-nesses..had quite alot of assignment pilling up..was kinda super stressed towards it...finshed all the major ones..that might explain me blogging now.. :)

-got news that the youth ministry of my church is gonna hav big change n i'm rolled in as well..another super stressors right now..

-then..many of my friends leaving soon to aussie..so gonna miss them...

-just watch saw 3 with my secondary school besties..not that scary afterall..just mildly disgusted but nothing to be scared about at all..

-oh..went shogun at 1u..ate till we cant eat anymore..was ok ok ler...or mayb my taste bud wasnt fully alert that day..after long week of assignment n little sleep..i was like a zombie that day..except a good looking one..

-haha..lots of ppl around me said my face got better..yayness..but cos of stress..now got stress pimples..one at my temple anotehr at my brows..yeash..painful when touched..gonna sleep early gonna sleep early..*chanting to self..*

-so gonna study..cos my quizzes so far is really making me depressed n guilty for not studying..

-really really exhausted for so many tired days..n the bad news..more to come..good news..none so far..

so very tired..T.T

-oh..i also watch eragon..haha..finally..erm..ok ler..seems like a kids movie to me..but i dun mind..its fantasy!!yayness..

-really wanna watch more movies but oh well..too busy..cant think straight..very off..

-oh..went murni with uni friends..haha..i can finally say i'm a true PJ person n die with peace in my heart..muahaha..we went there to celebrate benny's Bday..he is 20 now..but his physical age doesn't match his biological age which also doesn't match his mental age and it ends up not matching his emotion age..:P..he is compicated..neways.. a happy bday to him..

-really wanna do more than studying right now..but i'm forseeing myself being so round n round running up n down..wonder can i really take that or i'll just burn out..which is not the best thing to do right now..

all i can say now is God..i need help..lots of them...lotss...

third blog of the day..

2006-12-27T06:09:00.000-08:00

after the really amazing awsome n wonder xyz camp..i went MV with namely fung min, ming zi and jon sen..we r to watch barnyard..we ended up watching the 'curse of the golden flower'..

to start off the day..i woke up n is to meet Lyndsay, my bro's 'friend', housemate from uk..ahem...cos she had my present from uk with her..from my bro!!..woohooo..its nike shoe all the way from uk!!the gam-tong-ness..n we exchange our stuff n off we go..she seems to be really nice n her england is really proper..wonder how my bro talks to her..it must be funny..unless they converse in another language..anyway..yeap..it was a white nike shoe which i'm to lazy to take pic of it n post it up..mayb i'll do it..mayb not..i still owe myself 3 entry which talks abt my weekend at eco farm somewhere near seremban(seremban again..wonder wats with me that i kept ending up there..)n christmas post n one more gathering at feli's post..so mayb mayb i'll post it up la..

anyway..they had lunch at jusco laksa place again..jon sen is obssessed with it..i was late so they ate edi..n i dunwanna eat laksa so i ask them to go sushi king with me..but it was full..*thank God*..cos in the day to come..i ate 2 sushi in two days..got sick of it after that..anyway..then we end up eating at this taiwanese restaurant near the cinema one..it was not bad la..above average..price oso reasonable..hehe..

anyway..we went to the cinema at 220 when the show starts at 230..tell u..for the first time we went early, the cinema is not prepared..something went wrong..they open up only at 230..n the advert goes on til 3..wonder wats wrong with them to hav such long advert..n the result..with much responsibility that i hav since i went to watch it on the first day........its bad, it sux n it doesnt worth your penny to watch it..u ma as well spend it on mamak..not even getting a 3 bucks dvd worth the price..its nonsense..

kk..first..it doesnt hav a real storyline..it has small little parts that seems to be the storyline..but its not..it doesnt hav the big picture of it..no moral no value..n the worst part..no ending..or that the ending sux..its just a dumb movie that puts together famous ppl n act..n its a waste of their time n talent..chow yun fat n gong li can go do so many other things and jay chow can go fly kite than to be in this movie..therefore..DUN watch it..Dont..u can gimme the money if u wanna watch it..i can help spend..

but two points to watch if u soooo really wanna watch this nonsense..
-the boopsy lady-servants..i believe its not true that the lady-servant in the palace dress like their boop may fall off anytime but if u r that desperate n horney then go ahead..it might fulfill your fantasy to see soo many boopsy woman walking around with their boops half hanging off the dress..i dun see y the emperor and all guys in the palace wun rape ALL the servant if they r ALL dressed in such manner..haiz..though the clip is short but it made their point through..where they spend their money..

-if u soo wanna see chow yun fat doing sunsilk advert then u should watch..i was *ahem*..thoroughly impressed with uncle fat that he would let zhang yi mou do that to him n make the movie soo lame n valueless..uncle fat's hair was like flying upwards!!fuiyoh..one of those scene u cant forget..i was laughing off my chair..

-oh..to add on..mayb u wanna see jay chow looking soo duh when he fights that he get his face distorted..it might be a laugh point to u..it makes the whole thing a camedy than an action movie..

the worst part is the climax became comedy after zhang yi mou desperately trying to build up the tense atmosphere but it ended up comedy..jay chow cant fight..he was just showing his distorted face during the big fight..if then so..where is the action..n in mandrin..the 'huang jin jia' whcih means the golden armour..is just so thoroughly lame..dah la the name of the movie doesnt make sense n so is the movie itself..so..NVR watch it..itll be a disappointment..!!

to end, a BIG BOO to the Curse of the Golden Flower..i giv it a 3 out of 10..

XYZ CAMP!!!!the ADVENTURE CAMP 2006!!

2006-12-27T04:56:00.000-08:00

straight after the intensive trainig..the next big thing is coming up...its the XYZ 2006 ADVENTURE CAMP!!!wooo..it was a blast n indeed something different than all other camps..the camp is from teh 17th to the 20th..fuiyoh..i'm really really drained by this..

kk..to start it all..we started planning at somewhere around early october..i was the assisstant for the logistic department..n at that time..i dun even know wat it does n all..but i was roped in bcos maulin ooi was the camp coordinator..she is my cell leader ma..so..with much wondering n a lil faith i said yes..n my ah tau 'head' is Ming Ern..fuiyoh..he is like this really chunly efficient person who can do allllll things..haha..true enough..he really did alot of things without asking for my help..this is bcos mainly it involves relation with the provider n negotiation through phone..whcih i cant help bcos its no point..:P..i'm the backup boy for him who sits at the edge of the chair waiting to be summoned to help out..hehe..

hehe..anyway..the camp itself..where shall i begin..it was soo awsome...we started our journey earlier than other campers at arnd 9..which is not much early cos the bus driver got sesated so we reach the place which is the seminary thoelogy malaysia at seremban!!..its really cool place..anyways..we reach early at arnd 1045ish n the comittee basically spread out n do their stuff cos the place is not ready till 12..so i just run around n try help anyone n everyone out..the whole day is really cool n sad for those who cant make it to the camp..it was awsome..n cos we r in the commitee, we cant play games..we get to be the game master..muahaha..n on the first day..it was the station game..i got the station that does body spelling..so teams r suppose to come to me n utelize all their members to spell the word 'adventure'..so yeah..it was funny seeing them in all sort of position..n when we r done i went to other ppls station to cheer them up..n kacau abit..haha..it was fun la..seeing gold-fishes doing their station..:P..later that night, we had camp debrief which goes on till very late..exhausted man..summor after the intensive training..oh..i was in this group called ABLAZE headed by sarah leong n jeremy loh..two really hyped up n passionate ppl..n as usual, this camp hav another acting time which the theme for our group is the Incredibles again..haha..think abt 2 years back, the team i was in at that time headed by paulynn dong oso was abt the Incredibles..n i played Jack jack at that time..n i was chosen to play the same this time..T.T..swt..a sense of dejavu..n for the station game, ABLAZE got the 2nd or 3rd..i forgot.. :P..i wasnt there for the result..

the next day..had to wake up at 6..cos i had mun lok n kau sern in my room..T.T..they r incharge of waking others n doing pph so they hav to wake up early n therefore i oso had to wake up early..T.T..so it goes..then borther Bobby from singapore's guru besar of city harvest bible school is here for teh first session..he is really cool n all..kinda lame n funny for his first session..then sadly..at talent time prep, we were told that commitee members r not to act in the talent time acting..aww man....wat a waste of fun n exciting time..but we r told that we can contribute lo..:P..haha..with much dicipline and all..ABLAZE'a points became the first bcos of our puntuality n all..then we had tour arnd the seminary n all which was really cool..their library is really a place that makes me wanna sit n read all day long..really comfy..

then..its the National Treasure..again..as commitee, we r the GMs..its really fun..i was to 'take care' of this team called super sapiens which was headed by Lik Xiang n Eunice Peh..hehe..it was teh pretty boy n pretty girl team leader..they r really funny ppl la..anyway..it was really REALLY fun seeing them doing the penalty..doing the rubberband penalty was awsome..n the 5 min silence was a classic..this is bcos they were suppose to serve this 5 min of silence penalty n i asked whether they wanted to squat cos it might be tiring standing and they didnt want to n since the floor is wet, of course they didnt want to sit..so i asked them to stand while holding they hands up like the getting arrested kind bcos in the penalty sheet, the clue part was something to do with fire so i ask them assume the 'fire' position..n it was a mistake from me..:P..read wrongly..they r just suppose to do nothing for 5 min n now they r like holding their hands up..a few gm came n ask me y r they doing it..so i was like cos they wanna stand n i gave them something to do lo..wakaka..i was totally evil cos they realise they can actually stand normally with the hands down..but since the penalty has started, they cant move!!so they kinda shoot me with this deadly poinsonous look..n after 5 min they were like wanna kill me..:P..it was seriously funny..sorry peps but cant help it..but sadly they were the last one to arrive the goal though..haiz..was sad for them seeing their team low esteem la..

anyway..its anotehr night well spent for the debrief..so slept late again..ppl r going crazy at the meeting..comittee is showing scarily funny faces that no one knows when they r normal..i think sleeping late is getting into them..n me too..i was giggling for the tiniest thing..really fun becoming a comittee..

third day..something cool was talent time, basically ABLAZE was on the top n far ahead other group by this point of timme bcos of our discipline n all..we got another 2nd or 3rd place for the national treasure thingy too..i really forgot cos i wasnt there for the games cos i was serving penalty somewhere else..but the talent time was really cool..Joe pulled it off with his surfer dude accent..though i think we could hav done much much better but it was all cool after seeing other ppl's skit..it was like disappointment lo..out of 12 team..only like 3-4 team manage to complete within the 7 min limit..n others is just plainly out of hand n downright un-understandable stuffs..our team didnt really had any story line at all but i think it was Joe's accent that attracted ppl's attention..other than that..nothing much lo..no content n all..but after seeing others i'm quite sure we r getting the top places..hehe..nothing to boast abt but otehrs r bad..n tonight it was the last night..n i slept at 3..thanks to maulin who wanted us to help wrapping the prizes but i was just sitting there watching them wrap n no where to help..haiz..but i woke up at 8 on the last day..refreshed!!!!if wake up at 6 i sure die edi one..super tired..

last day..everything was running so fast..dbs graduation..prize giving, appreciation n all..it was really really cool..n photo taking..the whole place turns chaotic..ppl r just desperate to take photo..

herms..things to mention..i think brother Bobby gets better each time he speaks..this may be bcos he got more comfortable taking to us..it became more interesting n fun on session 3 n 4..n also the ange-mortal game..it was really really cool..my angel was really really cool..she..yes its a she..sends me soo many stuff through so many ppl but she was someone from ABLAZE..same sub-group with me summor..spoiler..kaka..but it was really fun being blessed..thank u!!..n my mortal..heehe..i tried my best to treat her well..yes..its another her..but i was soo buzy that i really didnt hav time..i first bless her at the end of second day where so many other ppl is like blessing ppl edi..haha..but everything goes on after that n she was like so super happy that she wrote me a note b4 we go back n brought me something again on christmas..gosh..i felt like i was the mortal now..haha..but she is indeed a very nice girl la..

oh..Ablaze got the first place!!wooohoo..thanks to our really duh skit, we secure our place by 200 points ahead of others which was like 'we sure win' kinda situation..muahaha..come to think of it..the teams that i join usually turn out to be the best team..nvr lost it b4..how cool!!

oh oh..n i became the lost n found person!!..it was fun as well..i picked up soo many things that ppl left behind..n i got a ring..cos someone didnt want to claim it..haiz..ppl nowadays..n one of the most funniest item was that a boy lost his booklet n didnt want to claim back..memalufying i think..so we announced it..the best part is..at the back of the booklet, he wrote his expectation of himself..guess wats it??..he wrote'i want to be more responsible'...i went like *.*lll.....if u wanna be more responsible, y loose it in the first place n y dunwan to claim back..fwa..ppl nowadays..

erm..another really interesting thing was that we had our xyz booth!!..it was soo super cool..actually i was suppose to be incharged of it but i kept running up n down n everywhere round that i wasnt available for it..n poor magdelene n helpers hav to do it by themselves..:p..too buzy la..haha..but we sold off soo many things!!..choki choki was sold off, lollipop was sold off, oreo was sold off, mnm was the first to be sold off..i was like fuiyoh..the business was really good..we might implement it for further camps since it was soo good..

wa...the camp was really a fulfilling one la..everyone felt it was something different..n i myself cant explain it but indeed it was different this time round..i can only say..God is with us..haha..n everything will turn out as He has planned, not what we had planned..so it was alll so cool!!..

so the camp t-shirt was orange..n the design was super nice..bright orange..!!

really glad that i'm part of the comitte n that i've helped out wherever n whenever i can!!..it was soo cool working with u guys!!know so much more about u ppl through this awsome awsome experience!!n so many more other campers!!..

cheers!!

one of those last post..Ninjustu Intensive Training..

2006-12-27T04:11:00.000-08:00

heehe..its already 27th n lots had happened since my bday..so i'll just write down one by one la..XD

first..from the 13th to the 15th, i had ninjustu intensive training..it was.....intensive..haha..it starts at 930 n ends at 430..8 long hours i thought..

kk..on the first day..sensei concentrated on perfecting our rolls..mainly..front roll n back roll..somehow my left-hand-roll was not that good for both front n back roll so i just kept practising to find the right timing position n everything..n i end up having bruises EVERYWHERE..on my knees, back, spine, shoulder, and feet..cos i din wear shoes..the bump on my spine was so bad that my spine sorta disappeared..which was seriouslyy ouch..i had to spend time rubbing myself every night after training bcos its really bad..haha..so then..we also trained abit in the rain cos it was drizzling..n the worst part is that the normal class is still on that night..T.T..the pain..but i went anyway..it was fun..n tiring..

we also trained sanshins n all in old-style..it was fun..n really draining the water out of my body..guess what..i drank like 2 liter of water for the duration of 8 hours n its not enough..n the funny part is that i din go toilet for that 8 hour..later that day..i figure out that it was bcos i sweat so much during the training that my body needs more water so it wun let the water go out of my body through pee..n the pee at the end of the day was...something......really...kinda yellow.. very actually..:P..kaka..

oh..on the first day..we played ninja games too..cos we r in the park so we put it into full use..we use places to help us climb all over to kill n stab the enemy n all..the more fun part was to play at the slide facility..we r team up and is to chase the other team n capture them n hold them down..n the mark of victory over the guys would be either taking their shoes n socks off if they had it on or get the belt off and see wat colour underwear the feller is wearing..for girls..its just taking the belt off..*aww*..kaka...anyway..i had fun..catching ppl..n cos of my tallness, its really very hard to run arnd..so i was 'raped'...in that way..which was still very fun..at the middle of it, sensei was so happy that he wanted to extend the training to saturday..wa...without having to pay..WA...of course i wanna go la..so it was so super cool!!

on the second day..we trained summor..this time we train kionhappo..so..more rolls..cos ppl throw u then u roll to decrease the impact..another fun n tiring day..i'm getting darker..more bruises..more pain..more fulfilling that ever..i was thinking that i could pick up more classes la..hehe..wil ask sensei abt it..oh..guess wat??i'm promoted again!!yay yay..now i'm 8th kyu..personally i think i did ok lar..hehe..it was all so cool..the thing is we train with seremban ppl as well..they came n stay at sensei's place..we also got ppl from seafield n all..oh...also ppl from samad..they were quite good..so lots of ppl to see..

third day..exhausion..not quite sure wat i've learned but i've learned something..training in the rain oso..i think i sorta stink for quite some time..but with all ppl who stink..u dun feel so stinky afterall..yeap..bunch of stinky ppl..but no one cares at all la..really fun in a funny way..sensei asked me a few times wat kyu he promoted me to edi.. n i answer 8th kyu..i think he wanted to promote summor but personally i think i haven perfect it with practice lo..so in the end sensei just sorta looked at me funny but decided not to further promote me..n i'm glad he didn't..if not i 'sau ji yao kwai'..receive with a sense of guilt..haha..many ppl in ninjustu always bug sensei to promote them..i dunno y..mayb i dun really see it being such a big issue afterall..for me..if sensei thinks u r worthy.he'll automatically promote u..so y bug??its not like he is blind..he sees..so i wasnt not among those who kept asking sensei when to promote me n all..farney..i guess it should really sharpen up my skill by training n all..its really easy to forget wat u've learnt if u dun practise it n its especialy true with ninjutsu..:P

lastly..i only trained half day on saturday cos i had meeting at lunch for THE XYZ CAMP..muahaha..so i only went half day..by that time, i'm bones n joints r practically coming off liao..but still had to continue..cant stop..T.T..hehe..i thought of getting more involved next year ler..n sensei is asking me to get my own weapon liao..:P..kinda memalukan to borrow from ppl everytime..haha..will hav to save money again..haha..met lots of friend..got promoted..all the bruises and pain n getting darker n all..its definately something really fun!!!!

cheers cheers!!

My Bdayses..

2006-12-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

Hehe..finally...its over edi as i write this post..it's already 12th of december.. *i post it this late but its suppose to be posted by the 12th..so the chronological order might be confusing..so..go figure..*

so happy birthday GAO NIN n SYAMIR..though i doubt syamir read blogs as he is kononnya so busy..

anyway..wa..i've been celebrating my birthday for like so many days n i think i'm going out on wednesday to celebrate with my secondary school friends who haven confirm with me yet!!..cis..

anyway..so lets begin with on my Bday..

i woke up at 7++ that day..cant sleep any longer though i put my alarm at 745 just to be early to get toexam hall..anyway..i got up..mom n dad wished me..yays..then brush brush bathe bathe then off to exam i go..

just a small note..i didn't study the day b4 cos i already read through once n nothing goes into my head anymore..the exam question was quite suprisingly easy n at times quite difficult..its distinguishable that which i can do or cant..but it went well..my last minute studying on the bus n with gracie gracie n gao nin helped..hehe..luck is on my side..XD..

so yeah..we finished the paper..felt a sense of relief with a long sigh...there finishes my first year of my degree..n more years to come..anyway..so then we went mid valley after taht to hav lunch n go ktv..we had lunch at this little vietnam place which was fairly good..yum..then we r off to ktv..

the ktv was fine..jon sen was forcing me to sing mumbo no. 5 which i hav no idea about..:P..then we went on singing a whole load of songs n make so much noise..good thing the ppl put us in the far far end of the ktv so that we wun disturb their other customers..it was quite fun lo..thenw e r off to jon sen's place to hav the poolside party..

actually its more of the poolside chill out cos it was slightly drizzling at that time..so end up no one got thrown into the pool..then they got me CHOCCHEEZE from secret recipe..yayness..my first cheeze of my birthday..hehe..then jon sen ask me to drink this funny beer thing that seem to hav quite low alcohol level cos i din felt anything after finishing one can of it..face red oni..body not hot oso..:P..we also had this canadian pizza thingy which wasnt bad but their delivery is quite slow..takes around 30-45 mins to arrive..so was quite hungry after that..anyway..we just sat n chill n talked..oh..jon sne's housemate..belle joined us that day..n her Bday is actually yhe day after mine..so again..Happy Birthday BELLE...yeap..was quite fun la..lastly the make this dare thing that i'm suppose to lick a 'M' using my tounge on the cake's board..a BIG 'M'..was kinda fun..not a hard dare..ish ish..hav to get the pic from michelle to upload it for all to see my artistic tounge.. XP..

kk..then i left jon sen's place cos i promised my mom to celebrate with the family n i arrive at my house at 1045..hehe..then i had anotehr CHEEZE cake waiting for me..it was...cheng cheng cheng...MARBLE CHEEZE..again from secret..yeap..but it was only cut cake ceremony la..but i was so happy that when we r about to sing the bday song, my bro called back from england n wish me too..then my family sang together with him to me my bday song..wa...so super nice..imagine two set of voice wishing u at the same time where one of it is just right in front of u n another is from the other end of the earth..super cool le..

kk..on friday..i had the second cheeze whcih is the marble cheeze..then i went celebrating with Maureen, my youth leader who also has the same birthday as i do..december 7th is super cool..so far i know 3 person who has the same birthday as i do..n we belong to the same church n once we were all in the same cell..yeap..so then we went to ss14 n eat bak kut teh..not bad..but i had better back in tanjong sepat..hehe..then we went to a member's house n interrogate him..then ar..he has this cousin who is only form 2 but guess how tall he is.......he is like 180!!!!!!..almost as tall as me liao...n he is ONLY form 2!!!..crazy ppl nowadays..yeap..the visit was really cool..met his whole family n all..:)..oh oh..maureen's birthday is exactly 10 years earlier than mine..so work out the maths la...

kk..thats last friday..then saturday..we celebrated in church with other members n leaders n all..oh..one thing was cool..my youth pastor msged me happy bithday on the 7th..wa..super cool...!!!yeap..then we had blueberryCHEEZE cake..that was my third cheeze..actually i almost ogt sick of it already but i was the one who went n choose the cake n they r really short of choices n none seems as nice as the blueberry one..so yeap..my third cheeze....

then on sunday..i tried to finish up the lefover marble cheeze...T.T...fourth day eating cheeze..n thank GOD it was finished..did nothing much on sunday..just resting n chilling out...

then yesterday..i went to class in the morning..the lawn mowing feller wasnt there..n the taufan feller's hair wasnt the same anymore..i guess the weather was good that morning that his house din experience tornado la...yeap..then in the evening..beng from college was like wanting to go meng tien to celebrate but then due to my interrogating question he changed his mind to this place called honey bee in ss2..so..i was early n he came late..i cant find the place n he guided me..in the end...we went 3 round n still we cant find it..so we went the island cafe..they wanted to bring me to a place i nvr been to end up being me bringing them to a place they nvr been too..the irony..

n guess wat..i ordered some cheeze white sauce spaghetti..T.T..i think i ought to see a psychologist after having to much cheeze n still orderign food with cheeze..so it was like 5 cheeze days in a roll..n today..i really wanna avoid it..its just plain scary..kk..so then we had fun yesterday eating nice food..one of those place u should go cos its really cool that u can hang around there n the choice of food is like soooo many choices that u really cant decide on one..n so far it haven dissapoint me..yippeee..

then feli came..so it was only me beng roberta n feli..dunno the other 3 die where liao..dah la call it HMC gang celebration..but their nvr turn up..such friend..but they share gift..it was another of FLIPPY kinda thing..now..its the human kinda nodding while studying..i'll upload it asap la..yay..super cute..then robert gave me this lollipop to calm me down since i'm angry that no one is coming..hehe..

then we went to this place call 'kei tak sek'..it means remember to eat..actually who doesnt unless they r obsessed with things..so we went there n had some tong sui..in the mean time..we discovered that benny has tummy..like hua fu liao...goodness...he seems to be having a great time these days eating n filling himself up without exercise!!..so yea..he became fat..on the tummy..n so is feli..she is rounder than ever..so she turn cuter..just to say it in a nicer way..she gained weight..haha..so that day..i was the only one single..the other 3 was coupled..but still we r friends..n they r asking when should i get a gf..same question asked by everyone..:p..i'm not answering..:P:P..

anyway..

we had tong sui there..which i'm so lazy to post it up but it was good la..worth a try..i ordered 'shuit kap soomething something something tong sui'..which was great but quite expensive..so then we talked n planned about the coming gathering which would be held at feli's place to MAKE SUSHI..hehe..cant wait..

at 12th itself..i rested..cos my little brother is not free n he is preparing for his exam so i didn't celebrate with my secondary school friends this time..*aww*..wanted to go for japanese buffet n fill ourselves up with it one..but..oh well..

hehe..so that was my Bday..so yea..thanks guys n all the ppl who wished me..it was indeed one memorable Birthday before my age starts with the digit-2...hehe..

cheers!!

My new hobby..

2006-12-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

my new hobby these days is to observe ppl..

k..thats lame..to be specific..to notice ppl's speech..n most of all..their GRAMMAR..

warning:..i'm not a great english person myself but i cant help it..if u ask fung min or mel ong then would know how much i hav been laughing about ppl's english..

kk..so this is the thing..i have been spending time in class listening to wat others has to say n half the time i hav to spend extra attention n use my brilliant brain to link words up so make up wat the feller is trying so hard to say..their english is just plain bad..

this is extra obvious in biz department compared to psyc department..though i still cant get over the person who pronounce "bias" as "bee-yas"..its "buy-yas" for goodness sake..point to note..make sure u know wat u r saying before u go up to stage..if wun hurt asking ppl how to pronounce certain words..not everyone is perfect u know..

kk..so the major problems with biz department ppl is that i was with a bunch of second year student n they ought to be more than 20 years old by now..n they can even say a sentence like this "so u were saying the example right, that we have to use example for example the example in our question is it??"i dunno how the sentence is structured but i dont understand at all n so didn't the lecturer..anyone's up for decifering the sentence??

so i was like omg...dah la already in 20's then summor your england is so broken that it can reach argentina..so powderful that none could understandtimate u..its combination of understand n underestimate..goodness..

kk..then i shall go with my story..language wasn't my fav subject..having to deal with mandrin, BM n english which i wasnt good in any..only slightly better in mandrin cos my family speaks so..so i was suffering since primary school right up till form 5 n the stress doesn't stop there..i hav a few of my bestie who r banana n speaks good engerish unlike me..

so i was in sad n pathetic situation since those ppl r your bestie n apparently your england is in brazil and theirs is not..so wat to do??i force myself to speak la..n for numerous time i got corrected and embarrassed by their comments..but i know that i was the one learning..the more they can pick up my mistakes, the more i learn from them..n now, i can even turn the table n pick up their mistakes..

it was all cool that in my foundation year, our lecturer actually go back to basics where she teach proper grammer and tenses..i tell u..i hate tenses cos i just dun understand wats the difference it makes due to my mandrin dialect that doesn't seems to be bothered by tenses..so i was struggling tremendously trying to pick up and look smart in front of my friends..

which much much stuggling, i finally had a breakthrough in my english as *gasp* i know grammar n understand the basic of tenses..that was like a omg omg omg situation for me cos it was something that i wasnt able to understand in the past 12 years n i finally understood it within 2 sems!!..that was cool..then with much practice of writing the assignments, microsoft actually helps very much cos of its dictionary n grammar check..

all i was trying to say is..GO LEARN ENGLISH..eh..or mayb..go fix it up..its ok to ask and know rather than hide it and pretend that u know..thats one of my most dispised personality..he wo acts as if he knows it all when he knows nothing at all..its always a learning process n life is about learning so go through it n enjoy it LAR..

i wonder how they write their assignments if their england was that greek-ish..it must have been hard on the lecturers..with their english, it seems that they could barely pass for their spm english paper..but i think they still hav time to learn how to construct proper sentence and use the right pronunciation for basic words..

it always come with practice and much practice to get used to using harder words or structuring a proper sentence..u think i would use all those funny words that i use now like 'breakthrough' and "pronunciation'..excuse me..it comes with a price k..

ps: recently i just learnt that the word souffle is pronounced as "sou-flee" not "sou-fel"..see i learn something new again..*smiles*..

neways..i also think that the job of being image consultant is very n untterly important nowadays..*winks to gao nin*..ahem..its utterly important to hav a proper n positive image whenever and wherever u r..though not everyone is born to become a model or celebrity but we still ought to hav an image that shows our standards..though the word 'standard' is objective, there is still certain rules that ought not to be trespassed..or it'll just be off the hook..btw..the show 'project runway' which shows on astro channel 11 at 9 pm is really cool to watch..

therefore..we shall not appear in class as if there has been hurricane or tornado at our house earlier in the morning or that we had the lawn mower going too far into our heads the day before..its a No-NO in any sitaution under any circumstances..with solem thoughts..its a thing to laugh about when ppl sees it..so if can..dont be your own stylist..look up some mag or consult others before u decide a style..unless its a dare, dont come class with a bizzare hairstyle n still trying to look cute in it..its not cute at all n its horriFLYing..gives me the >P kinda look..n lots of ha-ha after that..

-ends- XP

OceanBreeze

14th Nov

7th Nov

4th October

11th July 2010

...a story of an eagle...

12.05.2010

rant!

10th August

burden..

another post again :)

mumbles mumbles

Dear Blog

I'm busy

13042009

11th March- Changes

11th Feb

2nd Feb

22nd Jan

9th Jan 09

2nd Jan 09

21st Dec 08

know wat?

16th Nov 2008

1 Sept

21th August

August 17th

it's now or never

30 June 2008

my new love..

28th May

dududu

1st May

April 15th

Life's like this..

David Archuleta!!

*FUMES*

bachelor for life, my "best friend" n exams..

sigh...

My Precious..

0042 16th Feb

CNY n Valentines

Feb-uary

how cute

27012008

My poor finger..

My Spying Life 2

My Spying life..

2341

Challenges

ATTENTION..

Fk-it..

I FEEL..

its now 30 Dec 12:24am..

Golden Compass..

202, 210, 208

My thoughts..

...

a lil something something..

july 23rd

friday the 13th..

I, me n myself...

dududu...

the endless tomorrow..

waiting for my angel

amnesia.

take my test!!

spiderman 3

my thinking style

How Geek am I....

What kind of Soul am i...

How HOT is my kisses

what sports car should i drive

the key to my heart...how wonderful..

taggies..

Life's like that one ar..

April..

titleless bables..it's depressing..

taggedd..

late..

FUMES